Baby, you're the best!

Here's a video I put together which was removed by YouTube and actually earned  a strike against my channel because it violates child safety policy. Any video showing young people (not even children, necessarily, but young adults) engaged in dangerous behavior is considered a violation under the theory that it entices children to emulate the behavior.

What is interesting is that FailArmy and other big-money sites seem to get away with this all the time but I guess they are profitable to YouTube so.... too bad, kids. I guess you'll have to rely on your parents being remotely competent human beings in order to keep you safe. But someone like me who gets almost no views for the most part, does not target a child audience, actually includes warnings to kids not to engage in this behavior and actually SHOWS clips of some subjects being clearly injured, is somehow the bad guy. Welcome to the ass-backwards world of corporate-owned North America. Enjoy the fucking Kool Ade y'all.

The joke is that all of my clips which they deem unsuitable for YouTube, were downloaded from YouTube to begin with. And when I cast an appeal, stating this fact, I just get the canned response stating that my material was verified to be in violation and I am banned from activity for 30 days or whatever. Further more, three strikes and my channel gets shut down - or something like that.

Oh well. Whatever! 

Let's see if it gets by the Blogger firewall. I suspect it will not and not because of child safety hoopla but because there is probably no license agreement which will allow me to use popular music, which YouTube does thankfully feature. I'm fine with using popular songs and letting the rights-holders monetise my vid for their profit. I would never try to profit from a vid which borrows other peoples' work.

Here goes:

Nope. Maximum file size exceeded. It's a five minute vid and not even HD. Oh well. I already know it won't get by the DailyMotion copyright blocker. I'll give Vimeo a shot.

HA!! Thanks Vimeo:

Baby, You're the Best!

My friend, the Ponderer

 Just a shout-out today, to one of my fave pals, The Ponderer, and her favourite band:

Guaranteed smile!

I've been putting a lot of videos together; carefully edited compilations for the most part. The goal here was to be as cute as possible!

Onward and upward?

I got some good chunks of sleep last night and in positive spirits today have been energized. I hauled three bags of chillable groceries upstairs to the fridge, planted some laundry in the washer, boxed a load of booze bottles (mostly the housemate's actually) which have lingered in the kitchen for months, and swapped a full blue bin out for an empty one with two days until collection.

I also had a productive chat with the housemate and surrendered to a couple swarmings by the doggo.

By noon this was already rendered the most productive day in memory.

I've paced myself very well with frequent short breaks and suffered no physical breakdowns, panics or hyperventilation.

At the genesis of this is a discovery by a bariatric clinic dietitian who I conferred with for the first time on Thursday.

There are three great hurdles on this journey of which I have often said, "I still don't see the complete path to recovery, but I see the landscape, and I trust in the many professionals who are guiding me; doctors, nurses, dietitians and counsellor." The discipline to stick to the intricate diet structure, the physical stamina to stick to the very demanding logistics of the diet structure, and the challenge of somehow needing to improve health prior to surgery (which was supposed to be the initiating event)

With all this in mind the new dietitian suggested I could come off of the surgical route and go on to the non-surgical route for one full year, and then... have the surgery. In other words, all the best of both worlds. This is amazing to me. It never occurred to me such a full service was even available.

As long as the doctors approve this change, I will go on a much stricter diet which given my particular issues will actually be easier to adhere to, logistically simple and almost guaranteed to promote significant weight loss prior to surgery which should help me gain mobility and help me convince the surgeons I am an acceptable risk. Currently they judge I am not.

I am now, finally, seeing the path.

BIG mind, little mind

Something got me thinking about that old conundrum again; the annoying observation that the one thing the human mind can't bear to contemplate is the human mind.

But I recall trying to explain to Aqualad why it sparks small terrors when I catch glimpses of my inner mind; how it feels like a crack in sanity when in a fugue, for instance, I catch little dreams which one should not see when awake but only in sleep when dreams come conveniently packaged with eraser pills so that you forget.. Little waking dreams which reveal that my brain is still busy trying to solve yesterday's dilemmas but sampling the wrong realms. Like trying to find my lost bottle of pills but searching my minecraft world for them. Mixing real life with a video game. That "error" should not scare me. That should not smack of mental deficit or craziness. I understand why these things seem to happen; how a mind can work through metaphor, or how my interpretations are lost in translation.

But it does torment a little. Not playing too much Minecraft might have dismissed that particular issue and so might getting enough sleep but that doesn't answer the question. Why does it push my buttons?

Today I'm inclined to think that it's not the subject matter of inner mind that spooks but simply proximity. I spent earlier years swiftly collecting revelations and small enlightenments and assuming there might be much to come in that journey; that a unity of mind was possible. And that set me exploring many things, like poets who seemed to speak of such oneness; such evolution.

But now I feel that unity of mind is the very thing we fear most of all. It is clear the instinctive mind is vastly more powerful than consciousness. Today I surmise that that imbalance is so tremendous that our real mind must protect consciousness from itself. Because there is some independence of course. The inner mind cannot control this new thing called consciousness; only influence it by playing tricks on it. But wait. Haven't I come to these conclusions before? And to imagine that consciousness might control inner mind is even more far-fetched.  

Oh well. The point is: I don't feel today that it is evidence of an inner mind's flaws that is so scary but merely the presence of the inner mind itself; even just a glimpse of it. It is like coming face to face with God.

And suddenly seeming... utterly... powerless.

Today is quite possibly a landmark day in the final accounting of my life, for reasons having nothing to do with the above thoughts so far as I know. I hope to return tomorrow and tell you about it.