Saturday, April 21, 2012

P is for Peace, Purpose, Poison, Prostates and Procrastination

So I was Planning to do P-Day on Peace and Purpose. They are closely linked in my living experience. But then my security guard Pal at the Big Empty Warehouse revealed to me that, like me, she also does some recording while on duty there, and then responded to my keen inquiries by giving me her demo album called From My Heart To Yours. I loved the album, most especially the track Poison and so I thought I'd do P-Day on that. But any treatment on the song or album here would suffer for lack of a sound clip and I don't have her Permission at this time, to Provide one. So I'll Put that on the Pending Pile for another time.

For now... Procrastination has Put me in a crunch. I must cut corners to catch up. Thus...

P is now for Prostate Exam

So I just had my aPPointment today with Doctor Wigglefinger. My first full Physical in thirty years. Now, I can't honestly say it was the worst sex I've ever had, but it was certainly in the ball Park.

"You've had this done before, right?" said the doc as he Poured lubricant over a gloved digit.

"No," I said. "Why, have you done this before? At least one of us ought to know what we're doing." Har har.

So anyways... I have hardened arteries, Probably high cholesterol, Probably Sleep Apnea and 311 Pounds is Probably too much weight. Luckily I am Poised to lose a whole lot of it over the next year and a half.

And he wants to switch my blood Pressure meds from a calcium-whatnot-wugga-wugga to a beta-blocker instead. Whatever.

And so it occurs to me... If you're a man and you're shopping for a doctor that you intend to employ through your forties and beyond... you want to take a good look at his hands. You want to find a doctor with long fingers. You don't want a doctor with short fingers who has to fight his way inside, now do you?

Wise counsel, my friends. Wise counsel.

Warning: The following image may be disturbing:

1 comment:

Elizabeth Twist said...

I attend a clinic where the doctors are residents - i.e., nervous beginners.

This is fine until one requires a pap smear.

Just saying.