This is right in my parents' back yard. These are the lands I romped in and explored as a free-range child in the summers when the farm was my grandparents'. These are the lands that fostered my imagination and made me who I am today. What's happening there really hurts.
Twelve thoughts in twelve minutes. Kind of stream of consciousness sort of, except I'll be thinking about what's new? No preparation but I know what the first thing will be. Ready. Go.
1. I have moved. It was ugly as shit. Took me a month to do it. Spent about $1200 of other people's money. Totally mismanaged it. Never came close to coming to terms with my own limitations. Had to deal with the ugly consequence of the hoarding trap that I fell into being largely immobile and sleepless the last couple years, and my basically giving up on life for a while.
2. I have graduated from welfare to disability basically, which means that instead of choosing between the streets and a homeless shelter I got to choose between a homeless shelter and a weird apartment-sharing arrangement I can almost afford. Actually I can't afford it but... there are food banks.
3. I had to let a number of friends in on my little hoarding secret because I desperately needed help. Not that I accepted help at first. I was dead set against it and not out of humiliation. I am very good at suppressing pride and ego when I want to. Just out of guilt. I didn't want anyone to suffer the experience of seeing my environment and dealing with it. The Healer made it happen. She just showed up with her companion and bulled her way into my room and kicked me out and they started cleaning and purging.
4. My unpacking project, so far, consists of lugging boxes of books out to my little hallway outside my room. I do four or five boxes before feeling hurt and overwhelmed and that's it for the day. Once they're all out of the way I'll have room to sort everything else onto my bookshelves. Then it's fine-tuning the furniture placement, and putting everything in place, last being the books. It will honestly take a month I bet.
5. I'm committed to getting my home business launched ASAP. It's a lot of work. Trying to put in 8-hour days which includes breaks. I'll tell you about the business some time. It's Dungeons & Dragons hosting of the finest calibre hopefully. I can earn up to $1000 per month without a disability benefit penalty; after that my benefits decline 75 cents per dollar I earn. I think that's fair. That would be net earnings. So I should say income; not earnings perhaps.
6. Wow I'm only at six. This writing is a mess. I will fix spelling errors etc. after the clock stops and before publishing.
7. I had a sushi lunch with my old bread and butter friends. Earlier I thought I'd been kicked out of sushi club. I thought they'd been carrying on without me. Well... I guess I was wrong. I enjoyed their company immensely. No, the conversation was not the material I'd prefer and no, I wouldn't have agreed with much of it but they were wonderfully sweet and I loved them and I felt the love returned and it was wonderful. It was really wonderful.
8. Monty Python. They are damn funny. No matter how many times I watch their stuff it just stays damn funny. So there.
9. Neil Peart, Guy Lafleur and Norm MacDonald have all died in this last brief disability/covid shut-in era. My favourite musician, hockey player and male comedian of all time. It feels like a blow.
10. Time makes me sad sometimes. It's so fucking cruel. All the people it takes away. All the opportunities lost. I wasted the potential glory days of my young adulthood in a relationship I thought was monogamous, with a deranged psychopath who was very good and not perfect, at the time, of hiding that he was a deranged psychopath. And I was never as deeply in love as I could have been with someone else. Twelve and a half wasted years. We had some fun though.
11. Time's up.
12. I failed I guess!
Today I walked, or rather stumbled, out of the townhouse I have called home for the last 12 or so years; as long, I think, as I've called any place home, for what might be the last time. I dragged my last nine parcels out with me.
Excuse me. I nodded off there just now. Have not slept much at all lately. High hopes for tonight though.
The taxi driver came with van at a surcharge as requested. He looked at the walker and my bags and said:
"Is that all coming?"
Translation: "I wish that wasn't all coming."
Me: "Yes."
Top-Ten Answers I should have said:
10. No. They'll follow us on their own.
9. Let me guess: you're not aware you're a moron; are you?
8. As long as they're not on fire.
7. No; just every other bag.
6. Yes. And I really pray that's the stupidest question I'm going to hear today.
5. No, just the ones that don't fly away when you reach for them.
4. I don't know. You'll have to ask them.
3. Hey, that's a great idea! Yeah; let's bring 'em all!
2. Does the Pope shit in the woods?
1. No. They're just breathing heavy.
Do you like TV and film bloopers? I do. So I put together a collection of the highest quality I could manage. Just gems. No chaff. It's um... kinda long... but no one says you got to watch it all in one sitting.
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