Chapter 11: The Scorekeeper

More NaNoWriMo first draft fun...

Chapter Eleven
The Scorekeeper

“Anybody home?” came a cheerful voice. A unicornish biped humanoid with long red hair and enormous horn; nearly three feet long, appeared at the front door carrying some kind of staff. And on the staff was a headpiece which looked very much like an unsolved Rubik’s cube. Behind the visitor stood an octet of very similar creatures, with the wide flat noses and big eyes, but these all with brown hair, and each their own staves; these devoid of fancy headpieces. They had the horns also but theirs were shorter.

“How DARE you!” cried Bleeekxpritzle, casting his ice cream aside. The old man snorted and awoke. “This is a diplomatic mission as you very well know! What is the meaning of this murderish offense!”  

The red-haired beast who stood nearly seven feet high, turned to look behind himself and then came about again. “I’m sorry. Are you speaking to me?”

“Do you see some other conscienceless psychopath around!” warbled Bleeekxpritzle.

The newcomer nodded and made a brief show of casting his eyes in a brief arc. “Indeed,” he said. “Seven billion or so.”

The Admiral snapped his fingers. “Damn. You got me there. But that is no excuse for your deplorable behaviour!”

“Whatever do you mean, Green Man! I only just arrived. Did I forget to wipe my feet at the door? It’s not like you’re up to snuff with the housework. Look at this place. You could have picked up a little. Even a little scurryfunge might have helped.”

“I have no time for your nonsense, Scorekeeper.”

Bunny was now peeking over the counter at the goings on. She and her companions looked on, bewildered.

“Ah,” said he who had been called Scorekeeper. “You would be incorrect in that assumption. You are likely to have quite a whole lot of time on your hands: for my nonsense, for tic-tac-toe, for picking your nose, twiddling your thumbs and whatever further pastimes you are yet to discover. Sudoku perhaps.”

“Gads! Never!” cried the Admiral.

“So we shall see. You will be brought to justice either way.”

“I’ve broken no oath or convention!” cried Bleeekxpritzle. “And you are no hand of the law! Release us at once!”

“Us? Oh my! Hello Earthlings! The red-haired cubist looked to the others. “Fear no longer. I have freed you from the clutches of the Green Monstrosity. Allow me to escort you to our Hospitality Lounge so we can assess your needs and get you back to your various states of normal as soon as possible! This way please!”

“I will finish my sundae before going anywhere,” said old man Blake.

The Scorekeeper smiled tiltedly and blinked his eyes in twice succession. “And good afternoon to you sir! I am Officer Joneybaloneybingdingeldeedoodleycrackers. But my friends call me Officer Jo. And you are?”

Editor’s note: [Tiltedly…? Really?]

“Bill Blake Senior. And you are interrupting my dessert, Mister Baloneydiddler. And if you are responsible for putting the baseball through the window then you’d better hope there is no glass in my ice cream or you and I will be having a little sit-down.”

“Enchanted,” said Officer Jo. “But we can afford no precious time for pleasantries I‘m afraid. This area is unstable. The Hospitality Center awaits. This way please!” He gestured toward the doorway with his staff.    

“The only hospitality I require,” eeked Mickey Mouse, stepping forward, “Is some consideration in terms of the replacement of one 1954 Rolls Royce six-seater. If your people would please see to that with due expedience, you can then contact my people at Walt Disney Studios to arrange delivery. That is all. Now if you will step aside, My hare friend and I have urgent appointments to keep. I am indeed Mickey Mouse, as you have no doubt observed. And I know that my dear friends at the American White House and at the Pentagon will all be very grateful to you for rescuing me from this Green Monster and for setting me free so promptly. Favourable rewards are yours, Scorekeeper!”

The scorekeeper raised one bushy eyebrow as he regarded the mouse. He then released an involuntary guffaw and then another. Then finally a great peal of laughter burst from him, followed by more and more. Mickey’s face reddened.

“Do not heed the spinnings of this horned trickster, my friends,” said Admiral Bleeekxpritzle. “You see here the face of the enemy of all Earthkind. His people plot solaricide!”