Saturday, July 21, 2012

Chapter 17

Chapter Seventeen
Special Delivery

Two pink-haired Tweeporans stood at the inside of an exterior door, armed with staves.

“What is he doing?” asked Companion Frabbbles

“What is he doing?” said Companion Spish, but with his finger in his ear. His eyes shifted. “He’s just standing out there pushing a button over and over?” He started to remove the finger but then thrust it back in his ear.  “What does the button do…? Nothing?” He turned to Companion Frabbbles. “Nothing.”

“Perhaps it’s a doorbell for the grocery store,” said Frabbbles.

“Good thinking.”

Frabbbles opened the door. “Hello, who is it?”

The man was barefoot and clean shaven with black suit pants, white dress shirt and three-tone blue visor. He stood behind a two-level plastic cart loaded, apparently, with cakes. “Delivery,” said Mr. Willis.

Frabbbles and Spish exchanged glances.

“Delivery for the cold department - ah - fridge department - dairy. Dessert department that is. Dessert Manager. Cold room. Cake aisle” He nodded and smiled. “Cake counter.”

“Do you have the appropriate documentation?” said Spish. He glanced at Frabbbles and shrugged.

“Of course,” said Bruce. They all continued to stare at each other. “Oh - I mean - well, not on me. Not on
my person. It’s all in the truck.” Frabbbles and Spish looked expectantly out into the yard. “Oh, the truck broke down - a few blocks away. I didn’t want this stuff melting while I - while I waited for a replacement vehicle so I just - you know - humped it over.”

“I beg your pardon?” said Spish.

“Humped it over?” said Frabbbles.

“It’s electronic. They’ll fax it - the documents - email - from the bakery. Dairy, that is.”

“Okay,” said Frabbbles. “You may leave it with us.”

“Oh. No - ah. I have to - you know - stock the - I have to inventory… the merchandise. I have to merchandize. Plan-o-gram. Quality control.” He nodded toward the long dark hallway behind them.

Frabbbles and Pish - wait a minute. Who the hell is Pish…? Spish. Sorry. Frabbles and Spish gave each other a look. “Very well,” said Companion Spish. The two backed apart and away and Willis smiled and pushed the cart over the threshold.

He started down the hallway, taking a good look around; especially at the looming darkness above. “I see you’ve been up to some renovations. Nice. Real nice.” The two sentries followed Willis along the hallway; featureless but for the subtle tiny rainbow undulations in the rubbery surfaces of the floor and walls.

He came to a fork in the passageway. The right fork curved away to the right; the left curved away to the left. Bruce looked back at his escorts. They offered no suggestion. He took the right path; following it’s curve to the right until he came face to face with two sentries identical to the others in every way.

“All done?” said Spish. Mr. Willis frowned. He looked behind him and saw the original fork he’d been earlier confronted with.

“That’s impossible,” he murmured.

“I beg your pardon?” said Frabbbles.

“Nothing. Sorry. I - I forgot something. One moment.” He turned the cart around and took the left passage this time. It curved around seemingly ninety degrees to the left but yet he came face to face with the two sentries again.

“Okay?” said Frabbbles. “All done now?”

“Sorry. No. I got turned around by mistake. I stopped to tie my shoe.” He then remembered he was barefoot and rolled his eyes ever so slightly. He then backed away from them slowly, keeping the cart between his feet and their eyes. When the curve of the path took him out of their sight he reached down between the two shelves of the cart, brought out a magnificent yellow and blue super-soaker toy which he had so recently purchased for his son and which had miraculously survived the class nine Zan-wave laser attack, and he abandoned the cart, striding backwards down the curving passage. Then he turned and ran…

… Right into Spish and Frabbbles of course.

“Dammit!“ he cried. “Okay! No more funny business!” He raised the super soaker, levelling it at one sentry’s head and then at the other while serving them each a menacing look.

“Is something the matter, cake man?” said Frabbbles.

“No more fun and games, Horsey Boy!” said Willis. “Where are the prisoners!”


Bruce shook the giant gun furiously. “Don’t be cute with me, fucker! I will blow you to bits and pony pieces! Now where are they!”

“What’s that thing loaded with?” said Spish.



“Nite!” blurted Willis. “Kryptonite!” Frabbbles and Spish looked at one another. “Liquid Kryptonite that is!”

“Sorry, cake man. I have an itchy ear.” Spish pushed his finger into his ear. “Say again; what’s in the gun?”

“Liquid Kryptonite. Kryptonite plasma!” said Willis.

Cow’s milk and sugar for the most part, said the voice in Spish’s ear. Same thing’s in the cakes.

“What is it you wish us to do?” said Spish

“Take me to your prisoners!” said Willis

Put him in Detex One, said the voice.

“Right!” said Companion Spish. “This way, then!” He and Frabbbles set off down the right-hand fork and Willis followed.

“That’s right, my little unicorndogs,” Just cooperate and no one gets hurt.”

Somehow the passage did not pull its little roundabout trick this time and the trio emerged into a wider hallway with small workstations along one wall and several white-haired Tweeporans standing around in conversation. Wide metal grates lined one wall about nine feet high.

“Nobody move an inch!” Willis shouted, “Or these guys get vaporized! Not an inch!” The spectators all remained in place and silently watched the trio go by.

“Are we still on for lunch, Frabbbles?” said one of the standerby Tweeporans.

“You want lunch-frabbles!” Willis shouted, pointing the super soaker now at the speaker. “I’ll give you lunch-frabbles! I’ll give you lunch-frabbles right up the wazoo! With a side of Kryptonite plasma! Is that what you want, Mister Ed!”

The speaker frowned and gave an exaggerated shrug of his shoulders.

“Yeah sure, but I might be just a bit late,” said Frabbbles, coming to a stop.

“You shut UP!” screamed Mr. Willis, shoving the super soaker up against Frabbbles’ cheek. “Or so help me!” In his excitement, Bruce pulled the trigger just a tiny bit and a little squirt of Queen O’ The Dairy soft serve oozed out on to Companion Frabbbles’ face. It trickled down to the corner of his mouth. “Okay - that - that’s not the Kryptonite there! That’s the bit that comes out right before the Kryptonite! You got really lucky just there! That’s like - the seal. That’s what that is. It’s a new cartridge. You get it?”

“It’s tasty,” said Frabbles.

“Never mind! Just get moving. Get moving now! Take me - you know - where we’re going. Don’t say it out loud though.”

“Pluck a solar-pigeon. It really is tasty. Spish, you got to try it.” The three began moving again. A wide door awaited them at the end of this narrow room.

Spish suddenly halted. “I refuse to obey your commands, cake man!”

“Move it!”

“I don’t feel like it.”

“Move it or die!”


“I swear to Jehosifats! I will kill you where you stand!”

Spish stuck out his tongue. “Your mother was an army boot!”

“Fucker!” Willis cried as he sprayed soft serve all over Spish’s head. The Companion dodged about trying to catch the stream in his mouth. Willis finally stopped and backed off a step. He was red-faced and seething with rage.

“Oh my sugar-blossoms!” cried the goopy-white-faced Spish. “It’s delicious! It’s fabulous! Oh yum!”

Willis looked about wildly, trying to think; trying not to panic.

“Ahhhhhhh!” Spish suddenly wailed. “It burns! It burns!” He dropped his staff to the floor and clutched his throat in both hands and made a serious of squorking and snorfelling noises as he slowly sunk to his knees. “I’m dying! Errrrrrrrrrg!”

“See!” cried Willis, pointing the giant squirt gun back at Frabbbles who stood frowning at his dying partner. “Now get moving or you’re next! MOVE IT!” Frabbbles backed away toward the door as Willis followed, his gun pointed at the sentry’s head. “Through the door. NOW!” Frabbbles touched his staff to the door and it dissolved away like a passing rainbow. The two exited into another featureless rubber hallway and the door rematerialized behind them.

Spish then burst into laughter and so did all his peers as he picked up his staff and regained his feet. “It really was delicious though!” he said.

“Did we get the recipe?” someone asked.

“Central Scanning will have it.”

“What was that thing?” said another.

“Earth monkey, I think. Or a human maybe.”

“Human,” said Spish.

“Wow. They’re weird!” said another. “Kind of creepy.”

“Well, they don’t get out much.”

No comments: