Thursday, December 12, 2013


Saw Neo last night for the first time in two months, We don't usually go that long. Having known him since he was twelve; a short time by my perception; a longer time, surely, by his -- I am often startled by his rapidly compounding insights. Regularly I will begin to express a higher-order concept and he will, in essence, finish the sentence for me.

I am not immune to the instincts which blind us to changes in people, though certainly more aware of it than some. But late-adolescents develop swiftly. I'm trying to get accostommed to that. It's delightful to witness in most senses, though somewhat melancholic when awkward paternal instincts get in the way.

Neo has lately engaged in bold new experiences; further proclamations of his prodigous adulthood and as always he regards these with the robust inward contemplation of a natural writer/poet/musician, or as he would probably say: just someone who's not a sheep.

For the last couple years I have regarded him as having the advanced intelligence, curiosity and skepticism (along with many other rare talents) to see the great web of illigitimacies which blanket all of normal life in this society but without that certain brand of evolution; a combination of inspiration, appreciation for context and causality, and the product of long cross-referential work, all of which enable the rare thinker who sees clearly the devil behind every angel mask, and suffers greatly for it, to graduate into the rarer thinker who sees the angel behind every inevitable natural-born devil; a process which seems fully to blame for a whole lot of peace and happiness and freedom which I have witnessed blossoming. And how could such a transformation come to completion in a sixteen-year-old when there is much evidence yet to be seen or experienced?

I told him years ago, on the verge of tears, that I hesitated to try to drag anyone through the specific path I had come, for fear they would graduate to that dark hell where I once lingered, and there lose hope, be entrapped and go no further. These days I wonder whether I've dragged anyone anywhere.

And where is Neo really? Apparently in some dark place though his own perspectives would probably not support that assumption above, though it remains my best theory. But truly, I don't know where he is. Neither of us do.

I just know that I want him out of that place and I want that very dearly. I don't know to what degree I may have some responsibilty for it. I suspect he would claim none at all.

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