Day One!

Okay, folk(s): We're making this up as we go. It's called Discovery Blogging! (I made that up.)

Event #1: Why do people pretend to like rap "music"?

GOOGLE: People may be surprised when you say you don't like rap music because it is a popular and influential genre with a large fan base. 

Judges: 0.0  / 0.2 / 0.2 / 0.5 / 0.1

Ouch! That was a brutal failure. I don't think Google understood the question! Next:

BING:  Rap Requires Skill Not just anyone can become a rapper and not just anyone can even try to rap with success.

Judges: 0.0  / 0.1 / 0.0 / 0.4 / 0.0

Oh dear. This is not a good start. Nerves maybe? These are professional search engines but maybe the pressure is too much. Who's next?

ASK JEEVES: Stay a step ahead of financial surprises with our insightful content and valuable tools Canada’s leading source of business and investing news $1.99 per week for 52 weeks

Judges: 0.0 / 0.0 / 0.0 / 0.0 / 0.0

Wow. I don't know what to say.

ASK.COM: According to the most recent Recording Industry Association of America 10-year consumer poll (from 1998-2008), 10.7 percent of Americans bought at least one album or recording of rap music in 2008.

Judges: 0.1 / 0.3 / 0.6 / 0.2 / 0.3

Oh, now this is unfortunate. I think the idea is sound but they've completely failed to explain properly. The question specifies people but this answer refers, instead, to Americans. Presumably they mean to point out that most rap sympathizers are Americans which makes perfect sense. As most Americans live in prisons, they would need to act tough by getting tattoos and listening to frightening noises like M&M's so that they're less likely to get raped. If only they could have found the lucidity to put this into words!

YAHOO! Origin Unreachable Error ID: ee406c25-9aa5-41f0-bf99-219b1f45effa

Judges: DISQUALIFIED

Oh my lord; what a shit show. I hope tomorrow's event is easier! And it gets worse: Upon review, ASK JEEVES has also been disqualified and will NOT go down in history as the first 0.0 score in Search Engine Olympics history! We'll await word from officials on this.

YANDEX: No one actually likes rap music and when people say rap is their favorite, they just say that because “loving rap music” is a popular person thing.

Judges: 2.5 / 4.0 / 3.6 / 5.5 / 4.9

Holy shit, ladies and gentlemen! I think Yandex actually understood the question! And they've leapt into the lead with a dismal amateur performance! The bar is microscopic today! Final contestant:

DUCKDUCKGO: Origin Unreachable Error ID: 357ba5be-5cd6-4e14-8850-df33e1644861

Judges: DISQUALIFIED

Are you kidding me? You're kidding me; right? Okay, final Day-One results:

YANDEX  4.1
ASK.COM 0.3
GOOGLE  0.2
BING    0.1
JEEVES  DISQ
YAHOO!  DISQ
D.D.GO  DISQ

Let's pray things improve tomorrow. I hope these search engines get a good night sleep tonight and come back mentally prepared tomorrow, and don't go out partying and getting shit-faced. For some of them it's their first time away from home.