Monday, June 12, 2006

Fantastik Fresh Brush!

I hadn't intended to review products on this blog but I think this device deserves special mention. Besides, nothing about this blog has gone as I intended. It was supposed to be an exercise in noble philosophy and a new enlightened spirituality. A celebration of literature. A guide to finding the good and unspoiled elements within an otherwise corrupt society. That was the plan. It turned out to be a whole lot of bitching and four-letter-words. What can I say? Sorry.

So Steve-o arrives home this evening. He's been doing some shopping.

"Hey, I noticed our toilet bowls are looking like the entire Guatemalan army have used them," he says. "They're looking kinda brown."

"Yes, I've been meaning to make a purchase to that end. Some kind of brush or something."

"Well come and see this. It's a Fantastik Fresh Brush!"

I join him in the kitchen where he's ripping open a package. The kind with a clear plastic bubble on one side and a sheet of glossy boxboard on the other. He pulls out two white plastic wands and a white pouch.

I read the package.

Fantastik Fresh Brush

Fushable! New scrubby pad!

Cleans 2X better than ordinary brushes!

Kit contains 1 handle and 4 flushable pads

Best New Product Award 2005 (voted by consumers)

From SC Johnson - a family company

I'm impressed. Steve-o has pulled a flushable pad from the pouch.

"God - I love the smell of this thing!" He gives it a good sniff. It's the coating of water-activated soap substance that does it for him. "The pouch is re-sealable," he states and proceeds to zip up the remaining three flushable pads. We both raise our eyebrows and nod our approval.

He takes the two white wands and attaches them to make one long dangerous looking device with a button-activated clamp on the curved extremity - perfect for gripping a new-and-improved flushable pad. He tests the clamp device by using the extended wand to grab various kitchen trinkets and to open and close cupboard doors. I instinctively fold my arms across my chest thus guarding my nipples - lest he get any silly ideas.

"Time to clean up after them Guatemalans."

We proceed to bathroom number one. Steve-o removes the tank cover. I'm confused. I thought this was for cleaning the bowl. He produces a sleek hook-and-clip device that straddles the side rim of the tank so you can hang the fantasticfreshbrush discreetly on the side of the toilet. Those family folk at SC Johnson think of everything.

He replaces the tank lid, pops up the other lid and dips the wand - pad now attached - into the water. He starts scrubbing the bowl. The curvature of the wand is perfect for getting under the rim!

"Oh yeah! I can really smell it now!" Steve-o exclaims. The water is turning an enchanting shade of blue. "Can you believe this is the most exciting thing I've done all day!" he says and then begins to sing at the top of his lungs:

"I'm cleaning the toilet! I'm CLEANING THE TOILET!"

I'm very pleased with that of course. I like it that all our neighbors now know that we clean our toilets. I wouldn't want them to believe otherwise.

Enough beating around the bush. He goes for the jugular. The epicenter. Ground zero. The engineering of this device is superb. It slips easily into previously inaccessible depths.

"Look at that!" he gasps.

"It's going where no man has gone before," I offer.

"Where only Guatemalan ass residue has gone before!"

Needless to say - we're both pleased with our Fantastic Fresh Brush. I score this product as follows:

Engineering: A+
Clarity of instructions: A
Pricing B
Environmental friendliness: C+
Entertainment value: A
Overall: A-

Steve-o gives it an A+ for smell. That's all he cares about.



Dave said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Dave said...

I believe they have this item in China, but it is called "Super Fantastik Happy Fresh Brush". Although it's not so much a brush as it is a high-pressure hose used to chip away the dried feces and urine from the immediate vicinity of those little floor-holes they call public toilets.
Gotta get me one of them. The FFB, not a floor-hole.