Thursday, June 22, 2006

Real swell email survey

Okay - this is a bit of a cop-out. I'm letting some friends do this post for me.

Captain Vino had the balls to send me one of those goopy little email surveys that you're supposed to share with all your friends so that you can all get to know each other and have these great friendship relationships without actually dragging your ass away from your terminal and actually seeing these people!

Normally I hiss like a snake at these things while slamming the delete button repeatedly - but - the other day I decided not to be such a miserable internet grinch for once and I completed and forwarded the survey. I was surprised that about half of them were returned - completed.

So here's the survey. I've supplied a cross-section of answers - some from everybody. This will give you an idea of the sort of characters I associate with. You may think they're a little weird. Personally I think they're pretty cool - and - you know - weird.

1. First name?
Kristina. I used to be Kris but my ex's name was Chris and that was just a little too cutesy. The last straw was when my old boss introduced me to my new boss as 'Krissy'. So I promptly changed It to Tina and it stuck.

2. Were you named after anyone?
I wouldn't give my parents credit for putting that much thought into anything. I suspect it was a random outcome - possibly chosen by monkeys - or by Mickey Dolenz.

3. When did you last cry?
Upon receipt of this email.

4. Do you like your handwriting?
Can't say. I've forgotten how. I've printed everything since grade 8. I like my printing - although I have a hard time forging it.

5. What's your favorite lunch meat?
Egg salad - but without onions.

6. Kids?
No thanks. I got enough already.

7. If you were another person would you be friends with you?
Heck yes. Maybe even lovers.

8. Do you have a journal?
Wait a minute. Are eggs considered meat?

9. Do you use sarcasm a lot?
See answers 1 through 51.

10. Do you still have your tonsils?
Nope. But I've still got that dangly thing at the back of my throat.

11. Would you bungee jump?
Are you kidding? At my weight I'd pull the bridge down.

12. What's your favorite cereal?
Froot Loops. Ever since I met Toucan Sam down at the 'Bijou'. He was drinking Mint Juleps and got very ornery when I asked him where the post office was. "Follow your nose, jack ass," I believe he said. But if you're persistent and get to know him he's still the same lovable old bird deep inside.

13. Do you untie your shoes before you take them off?
Sort of. They're velcro.

14. Do you think you're strong?
After eating certain foods. And I don't mean spinach.

15. What's your favorite ice cream flavor?
Midnight Blue

16. Shoe size?
Why would anyone care unless they were planning to steal my shoes?

17. Red or Pink?
Okay, if you throw one more question mark in front of a hopelessly incomplete ambiguous sentence I'll hunt you down, rip off your head and spit down your neck, you dull illiterate twerp!

18. What is the least favorite thing about yourself?
Probably my jaw line but I'm not even sure I have one. Just call me Gord Miller.

19. Who do you miss the most?

20. Do you want everyone to send this back to you?
No thanks. I've already read my answers.

21. What color pants and shirt are you wearing?
That's a big assumption.

22. Last thing you ate?
Tuna sandwich on some kind of bird-seedy brown healthy bread.

23. What are you listening to right now?
Water pouring from the filters into my aquariums. Very soothing but it makes me have to pee.

24. If you were a crayon, what color would you be?

25. Favorite Smell?
Vanilla. Although - the most transcending smell is that of a certain small grocery store in Northern Ontario. Occasionally in a local store I'll catch a similar whiff and it reminds me of being a kid and buying candy with the quarter given me by Mom or Dad. That was a lot of money back then - Oh no! I sound just like my parents! Next I'll be saying things like 'I remember when all those houses used to be farm land and we bought our eggs straight from Joe McFarmer...'

26. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
My crazy counterpart from Montreal (In case you don't realize, Lesley, that's you!)

27. The first thing you notice about people you're attracted to?
That they don't even notice me. Who am I? Mr. Cellophane? Should I bend my name?

28. Do you like the person who sent this to you?
He's a rather unique individual. But once you get to know him you find out - that he's rather a unique individual.

29. Favorite drink?
Diet Coke or Diet Pepsi - but not warm stuff from a box on the floor that cries out, "You can't drink me because I'm warm and disgusting, sucker! Go drink that last awful diet ginger ale from the back of the fridge!"

30. Favorite sport?
Texas Hold'em poker. It is TOO a sport!

31. Eye Colour?
Wild Watermelon

32. Hat size?
Nobody knows that except for cowboys and members of the Red Hat Society and I'm not either - although I do have a rather nice pair of boots...

33. Do you wear contacts?
No. I'd rather poke you in the eye first.

34. Favorite food?
Godiva Grand Marnier Dark Chocolate Truffles

35. Scary movies or happy endings?
Is 'When Harry Met Sally' scary? - Or just the fact that I enjoyed it?

36. Last movie you watched at the theatre?
'Poseidon'. I then promptly cancelled my plans for my 50th birthday Disney cruise.

37. What colour shirt are you wearing?
Same shirt as from question 21. Surprisingly I'm still on day 1 of this project. Ask me again later.

38. Summer or winter?
Both. Annually.

39. Hugs or kisses?
Your place or mine?

40. Favorite Dessert?
Must I repeat myself again and again? GODIVA GRAND MARNIER DARK CHOCOLATE TRUFFLES!

41. Who is most likely to respond?
Ernie I hope. We used to laugh our asses off back in college. It
grew back.

42. Least likely to respond?
Doug Hobson. I haven't heard from him in ages. He may have been taken by aliens. He's a strong candidate for alien abduction. The first time we met I said, "You should be careful. You look like a strong candidate for alien abduction." We hit it off pretty good after that.

43. What books are you reading?
'Rusty Bedsprings' by I. P. Nightly. Just kidding! It's a joke! Get it? Hey - did you hear the one about the chicken who crossed the - no, wait. WHY did the chicken...

44. What's on your mouse pad?
The mouse.

45. What did you watch on TV last night?
Something lame, innocuous and forgettable - apparently.

46. Favorite sounds?
Night sounds - like when you sit out after dark. I think they have CD's of that stuff - in those stores that sell rain sticks.

47. Rolling Stones or Beatles?
Even though I once had a Rolling Stones tie (don't ask), I'll say Beatles.

48. Furthest you've been from home?
Florida. Although some drives home on a full bladder have seemed longer.

49. What's your special talent?
Laughing and making milk come out my nose.

50. When and where were you born?
None of your business.

51. Who sent this to you?
[Fantasy Writer Guy] - who loves the song 'Janey's Got a Gun', but
whatever you do, don't mention it around him. He'll go ballistic! No, seriously!

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