Saturday, December 29, 2007


Claudia Supermom passed this tag along in open invitation style. Yes, I’m accepting the tag. And yes, I’ve previously behaved as if these tagging things are annoying and that I’m too good for that sort of thing and only participate when cornered. And yes, I’m now participating of my own volition. And yes, that makes me an arrogant hypocritical pompous ass. Just wanted to be clear on that.

The legislation:

1. Link to the person that tagged you and post the rules on your blog.
2. Share seven random and or weird things about yourself.
3. Tag seven random people at the end of your post and include links to their blogs.
4. Let each person know that they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

And now -- seven random (or weird) things about moi:

1. I hate the cartoon Charmin bears on the TV toilet paper commercials. The way they get all cutesy and shake their furry little asses at us. I won’t buy that damn product just because those commercials wig me the hell out. I assume these bears are only cutesy on TV and that in private they do horrid unspeakable things with each others feces. Sometimes I dream about them and wake up screaming.

2. I like Billy Bob Thornton. I like everything about him. I like his ugly toothy smile, his vulgar disposition. I like just saying his name. Billy Bob. Say it with me. Billy Bob. No, no. Say it like this, in one breath: Billibob. That’s right. Billibob! Fun, eh?

3. Christmas songs get on my last freaking nerve. Oh, they really do. Except for a very rare few that I really quite like. There are just enough to make one perfectly awesome Christmas album from them. I would pay dearly for such an album: If you make me this album I’ll love you madly forever and ever!

Happy Xmas/War is Over – John Lennon
I Saw Three Ships – Bruce Cockburn
Christmas Eve/Sarajevo 12/24 – Trans-Siberian Orchestra
Pachelbel’s Canon
Do They Know It’s Christmas – Band Aid
I Believe in Father Christmas – Emerson, Lake and Palmer
Step into Christmas – Elton John
Last Christmas – Wham
Christmas (Please Come Home) – U2
Run Rudolph Run – Chuck Berry
Feliz Navidad – Jose Feliciano (Sorry, Babs!)
Peace on Earth/Little Drummer Boy – Bing Crosby/David Bowie

4. I flooded my YouTube favorites menu with videos of kids getting hit in the head by balls. Soccer balls, basketballs, footballs, tennis balls, baseballs, giant exercise balls… you name it. I just want someone to come across my favorites menu and think I must be some kind of freak. Which – you know – I probably am. ‘Cause I really split a gut watching kids getting beaned out of nowhere and falling on their ass. As long as they’re not seriously hurt, that is. I’m just a freak. Not a monster.

5. I am not a monster.

6. I’ve had five broken bones in my life but all below the ankle. Both heels (tennis accident – don’t ask), and three toes – two, being slashed playing ball hockey on separate occasions, and one upon kicking the door of a van that belonged to a complete a** hole who much later was charged with the murder of his wife. Yeah. True story. Told you he was an a** hole.

7. I have witnessed with my own very eyes the most hideous flower arrangement ever to grace the earth. I nearly fell over. It belongs to Rockin’ Roddie. He served me a fabulous meal last night and fabulous wine – a ’95 Wolf Blass Premium Selection Shiraz that was to die for, then pointed out the monstrosity and asked what I thought. I couldn’t lie. Mostly because I was speechless – as in – dumbfounded. I just gave him a horrified stare.

Apparently an acquaintance of his is in the business and donated this work of art to a charity, throwing in a pair of lamps. Roddie liked the lamps and dropped a couple hundred for them, assuming that the flowering antichrist was the throw-in. When the – ahem – artist learned that his masterpiece fetched less than $500 he was a tad put off. Oh well.

Roddie didn’t want me taking a photo of it, assuming it would end up on the blog and Google Images failed to produce anything remotely similar so I’ve recreated the image through a little rudimentary photoshopping. It’s very very close to the genuine article. Sincerely. Enjoy:

I hereby tag... You. Just you. That's right. I know you're reading this.


Anonymous said...

Have a wonderful night FWG, and a HAPPY NEW YEAR.

And while we are clarifying, heh, I think Dirty Dancing is a "fun" movie. Not a classic, not my fave, but I DO like it :P

A wonderful 2008 to you and yours!

Babs Gladhand said...

#1 - I agree. The bears are completely annoying.

#2. I like Billibob, too.

#3. Feliz Navidad? I was thinking about making this exact album for you, but I don't think I'd be able to bring myself to download that song. Maybe if I didn't keep it on my computer very long.

#4. As soon as I'm done here, I am so going to your YouTube favorites.

#5. Not even close.

#6. That's horrible.

#7. Wait. THAT is horrible. What the heck is that even supposed to be? Frankly, it frightens me.

Kathleen said...

My little sister feels the same way as Babs about Feliz Navidad, it puts her OVER the edge. It doesn't bother me, however.

I can help you with a couple of the songs, namely Pachelbel's Canon in D and Do They Know It's Christmas, other than that, you're on your own. Have you heard Tori's Little Drummer Boy - very nicely done.

That flower arrangement is godawful...I hope they're live flowers and will die soon.

Anonymous said...

I think the real monsters are people who can't appreciate the hilarity of a small child being beaned in the head with a soccer ball.

Sukhaloka said...

Oh my God. That... thing... is a flower arrangement?

Poor you. Get your eyes and brain checked for damage after that monstrosity!

Chris said...

Fantasy Writer Guy said...

Chris R I presume? You are one fine music advisor! And thanks ever so much for the CD you put together for me. Great stuff!