Tuesday, May 22, 2012

In Soviet Russia, Blog Awards You

pa3Aen nepBbIN [section 1]:

I'm not convinced this is actually an award and not just a memey, pyramid schemey, chain-lettery thingy designed to allow bloggers to be totally narcissistic in their blog material with the escuse, "Hey, someone asked, so I'm just answerin'..."

[Editor's note: FWiG knows that he misspelled 'excuse' but he has this OCD thing where he will not fix spelling mistakes that make him sound like Rickey Ricardo]

But anyways... Thanks Chris K for thinking of me! Now let's see if we can get through this in one piece:

Oh yeah, almost forgot... the RULES

1. Thank and link back to the awarding blog (see above).
3. Provide ten random factoids about yourself.
2. Answer the following seven questions.
4. Last but not at all least, hand this on to seven deserving others.

B-TpeTbeM pa3Aene [section 3]: TEN RANDOM FACTOIDS

1. I have this OCD thing where I will not fix spelling mistakes if they make me sound like Rickey Ricardo.

2. I can not sleep properly and I have very weak eye muscles which makes me immediately tired every time I try to read, write or edit. This is Satan's way of making sure that I do not succeed in raising an army of angels and storming the gates of Hell.

3. I just fell asleep there but only for a moment. You think I'm kidding but I'm not.

4. I am only sexist in two ways: One, I instinctively trust male over female authors when it comes to fantasy/heroic adventure, and two, I do not feel that men should get pedicures.

5. I wore pink shirts during the eighties which I thought was normal but which on one occasion got me accused of being a militant homosexual by a man who turned out to be a closeted militant homosexual.

6. I don't always tie my shoelaces. It depends on the shoes and what I plan to do while wearing them.

7. I should probably go put the garbage out.

8. I have two really excellent housemates. I'm very fortunate that way, and I really should go put the garbage out before I forget.

9. I fell asleep again just now.

10. I am a card-carrying member of the Blue Hand Group Mega-Geek Lords-a-Leaping Settlers of Catan Club. We play in the back room of the Aldershot Frame Studio every Tuesday and we have to take a break every time a customer comes in which isn't very often.

BTOPOM pa3Aene [section 2]: ThE quEstIOnS:

1. What's your favorite song?

ALTERNATIVE QUESTION: Name one song you listened to over and over as a teenager.

FWiG's ALTERNATE ALTERNATIVE QUESTION: What is your favorite colour, so long as your answer is 'Red, No! Blue! AAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!' And then you must fall off a bridge.

Answer: Songs which have at times been my favorite include:

Little Willy by The Sweet (Hey! I was only four, okay?)
Uncle Fester/Admiral Halsey - or something like that - by Paul "You All Know I'm Awesome But I Knew It First" McCartney
Fly At Night by Chilliwack
Stand Tall by Burton Cummings
Over The Hills And Far Away by Led Zeppelin
La Villa Strangiato by Rush
Wondering Where the Lions Are by Bruce Cockburn
Let My Love Open The Door by Peter Townshend
Twistin' By The Pool by Dire Straits
Follow Your Heart by Triumph
Forever Young by Alphaville
When The Water Falls by Collective Soul

2. What's your favorite dessert?

ALTERNATIVE QUESTION: What are you having for lunch today?

FWiG's ALTERNATE ALTERNATIVE QUESTION: What's your favorite desert?

Answer: My fave dessert is cherry cheesecake. Today's lunch will be a bacon cheeseburger and my fave desert is the Gobi. I like all the sandy bits.

3. What do you do when you're upset?

ALTERNATIVE QUESTION: Describe the last time you were bored.

FWiG's ALTERNATE ALTERNATIVE QUESTION: Has the ghost of Hitler ever wafted out from under your bed and politely asked if he could suck your finger? If not, would this upset you; or bore you?

Answer: When I'm upset I do different things according to the particular situation. For instance, if I'm upset because someone stuck a letter opener up my nose, What I would do is pull the letter opener out of my nose. Next I would use it to open the perpetrator's mail.

4. Which is your favorite pet?

ALTERNATIVE QUESTION: Which is your least favourite pet? He or she doesn't have to belong to you.

FWiG's ALTERNATE ALTERNATIVE QUESTION: Who is your favorite penguin?

Answer: My least favorite pet is Muddy the Mudcat, mascot of Ontario's oddest little town: Dunnville. The first time I saw this monstrosity was live, in person and I thought I was at ground zero of the Holy Mother Of God Apocalypse. That's my friend Neeners in the photo, looking like she's about to become Apocalypso's first snack. My fave penguin, by the way, is Pingu and my least fave is Jack Nicholson.

5. Which do you prefer? Black or White

ALTERNATIVE QUESTION: Which do you prefer? White or whole wheat?

FWiG's ALTERNATE ALTERNATIVE QUESTION: Which do you prefer? ambiguity, lack of context, or subtle shades of racism?

My answer to all of the above questions is: None of the above.

6. What is your biggest fear?

ALTERNATIVE QUESTION: Name one of your strong points or special skills.

FWiG's ALTERNATE ALTERNATIVE QUESTION: What is your favorite colour? You may answer however you wish this time. No pressure.

Answer: My special skill is making Pepsi come out my nose but first I have to really be laughing hard. My biggest fear is that these questions will not come to an end. My second-biggest fear is black holes. Black holes will really really really irreversibly fuck you up. Even more than religion will or listening to Eminem.

[Editor's note: Way to go, Rich. Way to alienate five of your last six readers. You really want to go out of business here, don't you?]

7. What is your attitude mostly?

ALTERNATIVE QUESTION: Do you think it is better to help people or leave them alone?

FWiG's ALTERNATE ALTERNATIVE QUESTION: Do you think it's happier to be happy or sad? Also, who is the moron who came up with these questions?

Answer: My altitude is mostly twenty or thirty feet above sea level.


You all deserve better, frankly. I'm sorry about your luck. And if you'd rather not participate, just say so. It's okay.

Sleepy: http://katm6.blogspot.ca/
Sneezy: http://tinyhouseontario.wordpress.com/
Bashful: http://chezskeeter.blogspot.ca/
Grumpy: http://tag.angryminority.com/
Doc: http://dbator.blogspot.ca/
Gimli: http://rogershop.blogspot.ca/
Tyrion: http://wildcatswife.com/

1 comment:

Claudia said...

HAHA,nice vid to boot, FWG :))