Friday, August 03, 2012

This all sounds a bit fishy, frankly

As promised, I have interviewed my host family's fish population and come to know them each a little better. They weren't terribly sophisticated interviews unfortunately. A bit of a rush job as they don't like coming out of the water for a very long time. Here they are in no particular order:

Zippy The Wonderfish

Zippy's favorite things are colour-enhanced fish flakes, long baths and miniature castles. He considers himself the most likely candidate for King of Tank come next election due to his flashy attitude and overall manoeuvrability.

Lightning Louie

Lou (for short) claims to have swam the English channel in under a minute prior to captivity. His favorite things are colour-enhanced fish flakes, miniature castles and belly rubs.


Goldentoe is the current King of Tank. His favorite things are miniature castles, Guinness and colour-enhanced fish flakes but not the brown ones.


Gilly has one eye slightly larger than the other. She claims that her larger eye can see spectral shadows from the spirit world as well as normal things. Her favorite normal things are long baths, shiny stones and colour-enhanced fish flakes.


Misty is one of the quieter denizens of the tank. Her favorite things are colour-enhanced fish flakes, long baths and people-watching.


Flash recently broke up with Gilly and is now on the prowl. His favorite things are colour-enhanced fish flakes, miniature castles and Burt Reynolds movies. He brags that he has watched Canonball Run 27 times and even more outrageously, watched Canonball Run II, the sequel, twice.


Aqualamb is a bit of a loner and tends to hide out among the tendrils of plastic sea plants. His favorite things are psychedelic music and erotic auto-asphyxiation.


Bob was asleep at every opportunity for interviews. It is rumoured that his favorite things are long baths and colour-enhanced fish flakes but this could not be verified.

Flip and Myrtle

Myrtle and Flip have been going steady for so long that they are virtually indestinguishable. Their favorite things are sad movies, scrapbooking and colour-enhanced fish flakes.


"Halo" for short was runner up for King of Tank in the last election. His favorite things are travel blogs, colour-enhanced fish flakes and looking at himself in reflective surfaces.


This is the most gregarious of the fish community. His favorite things are colour-enhanced fish flakes, celebrity gossip and the internet. He boasts to have collected more than ten facebook friends; some of which he has never met personally.

Rupert Calverton Essex
Mio VonEngelbert Esq.

Rupert declined to be interviewed at this time pending counsel from his lawyer.

Mrs. Whipley

Mrs. Whipley was widowed when her husband succombed to injuries sustained at a drunken brawl. The subsequent hearings aroused a latent interest in the law. She is now Rupert Calverton Essex Mio VonEngelbert's lawyer. Her favorite things are marine law, long baths, opera and colour-enhanced fish flakes.

Lil' Alice

The smallest of the tank population, Alice is nonetheless popular with the other fishes. She is currently dating Bibby McWaterpepper. Her favorite things are pina coladas, long baths, romantic dinners and Ringo Star.

Bibby McWaterPepper

Bibby is an amateur comedian with a love for the outdoors. Once, prior to captivity, he became lost for weeks and ended up in Queen Elizabeth's bidet where he barely escaped with his life. His favorite things are miniature castles, bungee jumping and colour-enhanced fish flakes. His pet peeves are car alarms and tarter sauce.

Well, there you have it. Good god that was stupid.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I've found your marbles sir! LOL! Hey it's me again. That was actually pretty inventive and funny. You had me laughing with the long baths thing.

Have a great day!
Michael Lounsbury