Tuesday, December 22, 2015

Going forward with Gramps

I’ll keep this brief:

Grampa Munster approached me cautiously and made a confession. He says that the therapists have never been as bad as he has let on, that most of the fault is his for being secretive and that he now welcomes the prolonging of his temporary court orders and the continued therapy sessions with those he had formerly labeled his tormentors. He now blames himself for the dysfunction and torment of his therapy visits and claims that his complaining about them was just “using them as escape-goats” (his words). He claims that he will learn to open up to them properly and upon this progress they will lessen the frequency of visits and eventually support the expiry of his court orders.

I have accepted this at face value though I remain well aware of the genuine pain and anger he has often expressed in the past, aware of these therapists’ lower-order behavior in my own presence, and of all the criticism I have heard about them from former patients, church officials, security guards, one corrections officer, a parole officer and a lawyer.

I don’t trust them but it is no longer my business.

I told Gramps very explicitly that he has the power to end his relationship with these therapists and demand a new one (this is firmly established and furthermore established who the new therapist would be: one whom I already have an excellent working relationship with and who would welcome my occasional participation at sessions) and that he may choose to continue dealing with the Gruesome Twosome if he chooses but that I am moving on with my end of our plans regardless if he is, which means:

I will expect him to move forward with intentions to get out more on his own, to make new friends, to sample peer-support group activities and part-time employment options and that I would help him with all of this at initial stages and to somewhat cut back on my personal visits with the expectation of all this new activity more than filling in the gaps, and that if he instead chooses to reject these initiatives out of interrogation-fear which he currently purports shall desist, than he shall suffer more loneliness as a consequence of his choice. Because I have been giving him more time than I can afford for a long while now, in anticipation of the January 2016 release date and the opportunities we both counted on.

I warned that I would be less receptive to letting him vent to me about maltreatment and less likely to take him on certain excursions if I think that Thing One or Thing Two might be inclined to interrogate him about it. I am done with that kind of liability. I will not have these clowns making false accusations to police that might incriminate me as Munster’s friend or volunteer.

To make a long story short, I don’t encourage this decision but I will respect it. We will of course remain friends but I will not feel obliged to suffer any consequences on account of this decision.

Since that discussion, things have gone well. I took him out to a support group meeting and he may follow through with participation on his own or else we will explore some other group which hopefully requires less of an academically intense process (which naturally unsettles Gramps). He also took it upon himself to call up the detective and ask about the possibility of part time employment. The cop was supportive as he has also been supportive of Gramps’ interest in making new friends and getting out more.

So things are well on that front. He seems bright and positive and for now I have not cut back on my time with him.

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