Tuesday, December 08, 2015


The subject of venting is rallied about me with frequency these days, mostly in Circles of Support company because the matter of Grandpa Munster’s struggles with therapists is such a hot topic; therapy which he receives as some form of victimization. He often uses his Circles people as an outlet for complaining, and this, I understand.

Gramps lacks the mentality to look at circumstances remotely outside his egoic point of view or to deal with apparent problems in a more useful manner.

But I feel so very resistant to listening to the venting of those with a more qualified mind. It strikes me as a terrible waste of my time (and theirs) because I know it can feel like a necessary or therapeutic thing but I know it only serves such a purpose at an illusory level. I know very well that any complaining I might be inclined to do regarding the specific transgressions of a specific neighbor is essentially invalid. I understand the nature of causality and the inevitability of this flawed nature of the current humanity. I understand that when I am angered by specific actions of those around me, it is in fact my own flawed expectations which are the real culprit. 

I understand that no one is perfect, that we all transgress harmony on a very regular basis and the only useful policing of transgressions is to have the awareness to identify our own shortcomings and the evolving consciousness with which to improve ourselves. The great barrier is that every one of us has a lengthy code system which essentially criminalizes a great volume of unkind behaviors on one hand while licensing a great volume of unkind behaviors on the other hand, which we rationalize with apparent (yet deeply flawed) logic. Our unique codes cross and intersect those of our neighbors creating our individual illusions that we are each better than everyone else. 

I can’t help feeling that I would prefer my associates vent at someone else, because, frankly, any idiot can provide an ear for that. I can’t help but feel that my own skills and insights into these matters; essentially matters of illusion, are rare and should be reserved for associates who wish support in battling these illusions and/or making progress with their own struggle to improve.

And likewise (and to be fair), I should never be venting to other people because I should know better, and I should be demanding the better me of myself. My associates should be quick to tell me off if I fall into the venting temptation. And to The Healer’s credit, she usually does! More often, I catch myself at the game and apologize for it but the associate is quick to decline the apology and welcome the complaint.

There is a fine line though, between venting, and the verbal acknowledgment of non-harmonic behavior when framed as societal commentary; while seeking solutions in a conceptual way. The difference may seem very hazy but frankly, the tone of voice always gives it away. And when I hear that complaining tone of voice I know that it is ego doing the talking; the ego patting itself, making itself feel superior to the transgressor; a transgressor who almost undoubtedly, on their best days, are more noble than we on our bad days.

1 comment:

IntrepidReader said...

I like to vent. Not because I think I am better than anyone else, but because sometimes my anger and frustration are too great for me to deal with without first blowing off steam. Sometimes I vent because my anxieties cause me to question my own feelings and reactions...so it becomes an is it them or is it me situation. And sometimes, getting the feelings out makes the situation seem less monumental...it give perspective. I think venting is a totally healthy and human interaction, that's why we have blogs and friends etc. Now, constant venting without addressing the problem or taking action...that's a whole different thing.