Ladyhawke Revisited? Maybe?

Apparently I viewed the film Ladyhawke (Michelle Pfeiffer, Matthew Broderick, Rutger Hauer)way back in 2008 and belched out a snotty insincere review of it, just for a cheap laugh. More than a decade later I received this thoughtful response by someone operating under the username Aframe:

15 yrs since u posted this so I am sure you have watched it a few more times and come to appreciate the work of art that it truly is. How could any movie be terrible with Rutger, Matthew, Michelle and greatest of all John Wood aka Dr Falken (war games…. See what they did there. Falken Ladyhawk . Clearly a aviary theme. Yes it’s campy 80’s but it’s one of the better ones and is just plain simple fun. Enjoy it without expectations.

Well, the only responsible thing to do is see it again and figure out just how guilty I should feel. And since yesterday was the scene of my epic Christmas journey to the family farm and my body is destroyed, it's clearly the right time to stay in bed and track her down:

Fasten your seatbelts, folks! We're about to enter the ethical and intelligent realm of movie mongering!

Netflix: Doesn't have it. Doesn't pretend to. Three stars for honesty!

Prime: Says they have it but oops! No. Gotta pay an extra subscription for STARZ.

Crave: Says they have it but oops! No. Gotta pay an extra subscription for... What? STARZ again? Are these all the same company, taking multiple subscription fees with a different extra-extra subscription fee for every movie? I guess this is what the super-intelligent modern North American desires in a movie monger. Hurray for that. But zero stars

YouTube: Will rent for $4.99. Alas I have only $2.24 in the bank on account of Metro Inc supermarket company taking my last $226 on December 20th and keeping my food AND my money. Neat-o mosquito! Who knew you could get away with something like that? Well of course you can, as long as you're a corporation and not a human being. Maybe I'll find the responsible manager at Metro and execute them in order to go to prison so I can get a meal. I hope it's a quick trial. But I digress.

Video Detective pretends to have it by conning Google with a fake full-length video result but it turns out they just want people to visit their web site to feed their ads from iTunes, Google Play and Amazon. Tricksy little Video Detective. You get zero stars.

iTunes (via Video Detective): Not available in my country.

Google Play: I can rent for the low low price of $3.99. Not low enough today.

Amazon: I can rent for the low low price of $3.99. But there is no button to click what says [collect rental fee from Metro who stole all my money] so I'm outta luck for now.

Plex: pretends to have it by conning Google with a fake full-length video result but it turns out they just want people to visit their web site to feed their ad from AppleTV which dumps you in a page with no working links. Zero Stars.

Mojo Movie: pretends to have it by conning Google with a fake full-length video result, "watchable for free" but the play button just sends you to Google.ca and the other play button sends you to google.ca and the download buttons send you to... anyone...? Yes, google.ca. But wait! There is a [trailer] button! I can at least watch a trailer!? Nope! Google.ca! Zero stars.

Kanopy: No results. Three stars for honesty.

WAIT! Hold the presses! There is some extra fishy shit going on over at Mojo Movie where the Watch For Free promise is popping up in pop-ups which are not google.ca but the start of a streaming movie identified as Ladyhawke even though the music is a James Bond theme!! I'm sure there is a reasonable explanation. Oops. The playback has ceased after a few seconds. Apparently I need to SIGN UP FOR FREE in order to WATCH LADYHAWKE FOR FREE. Well okay then! Now we're on to something! Yeah, yeah. I know what you're thinking. They're going to want my credit card details in order to process all this free stuff, just for shits and giggles. But nope...!!

Google.ca!

Hoopla: No results. Three stars for honesty.

A HA! Someone named Orlando Samuels has posted the movie in three parts on dailymotion.com!

We're in! This dude has over 200 movie vids posted, with ads to some degree, which is fine with me. I need some way to pay. But he only has 33 followers? Well okay then. See you on the other side!