Friday, January 27, 2006

Some Interesting Quotes

Some rather amusing quotes that come to mind:

Musician Louis Armstrong, replying to his host, Pope John Paul at the Vatican:
"No sir, I don't have kids. But it's sure been fun tryin'!"

From the story Gospel Song by Dorothy Allison, author of books Bastard Out of Carolina and Trash:
"Lord! But that child is ugly... They should keep her at home... I don't care if the Lord loves a charitable heart. The Lord didn't intend for me to get nauseous in the middle of Sunday services. That child is a shock to the digestion!"

Blogger known only as Movies-In-My-Mind ( I can’t even describe the context:
"But honey, when have you ever seen such an abundance of raccoons?"

David Hunt - data analyst, musician, orator and proud Newfoundlander, in response to the accusation that he was a bad influence and the ‘child my mother warned me not to associate with’:
"That's nothing. How do you think I felt? My mother always told me David, you're a bad influence. Don't hang around with anyone."

A deep thought attributed to ‘Jack Handy’:
“The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part…”

Stephen King, from the book On Writing - A Memoir of the Craft:
"Wasps had constructed a small nest in the cinderblock. One of them flew out and stung me on the ear. It was the worst pain I had ever suffered in my short life, but it only held top spot for a few seconds. When I dropped the cinderblock on my bare foot."

Proprietor David Rose, spoken in thick mock-German accent while driving through the village of Novar, Ontario:
"Gentlemen, vee are in ze middle of novar."

Anonymous female caller to radio station, in conclusion to her complaint regarding the level of vulgarity and poor taste recently exhibited over the air, spoken heretofore in a prim and dignified manner:
“Oh, and suck my finger, cheese-dick!”

I especially like the last one, not only for its appreciable shock-value, coming out of 'left-field' as it did, but for its cleverness in delivering a slam that bears all the thrust and insinuation of “suck my dick!” while remaining anatomically correct. Bravo!


MoviesInMyMind said...

Well, hello again, and my, My, MY! Me, quoted in a blog?! And as somewhat clever yet!

I wish I had the sense to play it cool and act as if this happens everyday, but I can't. I won't. I think calling my mom might be a bit over-the-top though, so I shall stop short of that.

Now, as to your anon radio caller quote...

I find it ironic that she called in to defend decency and then used the word 'dick'. Now, I'm a foul-mouthed-gutter-girl from time to time, but even where I come from, those gutters, 'dick' is in poor taste.


Well, I'm sure you & your readers will take that as intended. If not, you can edit this as you see fit. Which likely means you will begin cutting after 'Well, hello again' and stop right about


Keep writing, because I enjoy reading!

Fantasy Writer Guy said...

Now, I could be accused of having a rather peculiar sense of humour ['humor', if American] at times, but I gotta tell you - At the mention of the 'abundance of raccoons', I just about lost it. Just about laughed up a lung. I can't even explained why.

Up in my neck-of-the-woods there are certainly an abundance of raccoons (though I've never heard those two words in the same sentence before and suspect you've made literary history - Bravo!)

Our raccoons here are hardly cuddly and more akin to War of the Worlds invaders. To my eye you may as well have been writing about playing on a bed with a swarm of pit vipers.

As for your potty-mouth, I certainly don't believe in censorship. 'Nuff said.

But as for Radio Lady, you got me thinking. Firstly, I think the whole defense-of-decency angle was a put-on in order to set up her punchline. Secondly, I've come to realize something:

What if she in fact said 'cheese stick' instead of 'cheese-dick'?

The two phrases would sound almost identical. Which is the more common insult? I've never heard either said before. Perhaps I've mis-quoted her. Oh well. I guess the world may never know.