Sunday, January 22, 2006

Souls Departing

On the subject of the souls departing:

I've heard it said that some gentleman, a religious aficionado, claims to have determined the precise mass of the human soul.

He did so by comparing the weight of a freshly expired corpse and it's weight a moment later, given just enough time for the soul to depart. It is common knowledge, you see, the timing and duration of the soul departation process, but not the physical weight of said soul.

Until now, that is.

Does such an experiment sound improbable to you? Don't be skeptical. Access to fresh corpses is guaranteed under the Freedom of Religion section of the Canadian Charter of Rights - at least I assume so. And I strongly suspect that there is equivalent legislation somewhere in American federal law - probably the same document that protects good Americans from the inevitable pain and atrocity inherent in the marriage of any neighboring homosexuals.

(Although I believe the word 'homosexual' is not used in American federal law but rather the term 'fruitcake'. This has lead to understandable confusion - especially at the christmas season - and since no federal law has ever been intended to prohibit the marriage of bakery products, this has lead to a national ban on actual fruitcakes. Such a ban, I think, is a wonderful idea though not for the aforementioned reasons.)

But I digress.

Our dear experimenter found that there is consistently a subtle loss of mass and that this difference is logically the mass of the soul.

Of course, I've also heard it said - from mere physicians mind you, not the likes of bona fide religious aficionados - that something else departs from the body upon expiry; One's feces and urine. It's hard to dismiss this claim as all muscles quite obviously relax upon death.

I think it's safe to assume that our dear experimenter properly weighed all applicable excrement and factored in those results. Don't you think?

So then - what is the weight of the human soul, you ask?

I've forgotten. But if you happen to know, I'm keen to be reminded.

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