Eye Clicking

I woke up this morning and the first thing I did was rub my eyes. This sounds rather an iconic sort of episode doesn't it? One not grounded in reality. Like the start of a really bad novel:

'Rex awoke and rose from his bed and rubbed his eyes. He blinked sleepily and turned his head away from the violent rays of the morning sun that pierced...'

Okay, Sorry for that.

But it's true. I sometimes rub my eyes in the morning. I suspect that many people do this, often in fact, but don't realize that they do this because they're always half asleep when they do it and never, in wakefulness, come to realize they've been doing it.

But I take notice of it and I'll tell you why. Because my eyes sometimes 'click' when I rub them. It's true. It seems to only happen when I've had too little sleep.

Is 'click' the right word? 'Tick' perhaps? 'Pulse'? It's an internal sound - surely not audible to anyone else in the room. It's a pattern of creaky kind of ticks - I might get six or eight of them and then it won't happen again.

Maybe this happens to everyone and I'm being entirely lame by bragging about it. Do your eyeballs click? Please let me know. I must find out if this is a common phenomenon or not. I shall do a survey and get back to you with the results. I will - for sure. I'm not one to make plans and not keep them. You'll see.

This brings to mind a marvelous short cartoon where an old couple is sitting at a table playing cards - or chess - or something. Battleship perhaps. Scrabble maybe. They each have a really bad nervous habit. He - I don't know - something about his teeth I think. He grinds his teeth or something - and she - get this - she continually grabs her cartoon eyes, pulls them away from her head and rattles them like a maraca. Isn't that marvelous!

Her eyes rattle. Mine click.

"STOP RATTLING YOUR EYES!" he screams!

"STOP -" you know - doing whatever it is he does, she screams back.

Outside there's a war going on but they don't notice 'cause they got their own little war going on inside. A little symmetry you see. A little metaphor if you will. Finally both wars climax. They send their game board or whatever crashing off the table. This prompts the woman to burst into tears. A great fountain of tears from her rattle-able eyeballs. Outside, unnoticed, there's a tremendous explosion. Mushroom cloud and all. The husband gets all tender and rushes to his distressed wife and comforts her and they're all lovey-dovey. The game is destroyed so they decide to go outside for a nice walk together. They open the door just as the thermonuclear wave hits them and fries them alive. They sprout gossamer wings and sail up to heaven. I think it ends with the angel lady removing her eyes and giving them a good shake.

Do you think I'll be able to click my eyes in heaven? I somehow doubt it.