Traffic Report

‘…during question period, when opposition member Frank Allbranz accused the government of moving too slowly on the matter. And speaking of ‘slowly’, Jim, how’s that traffic this morning?’

‘Ellen, it’s moving slowly indeed for Eastbound commuters on the 401. This is due to a vampire in the collector lanes just East of Dixie. Authorities had all lanes closed for some time in order to fight it. The diversion has caused an extensive back-up in the express lanes stretching all the way back to the 407. The 410 South and the Queen Elizabeth Way Eastbound through Mississauga are both heavier than normal as motorists try to avoid the vampire. 401 West building normaly. Heavy from the Leeside Bridge to the Don Valley-’

‘Pardon me. I’ve just been informed the trouble on the 401 collectors is in fact a van-fire, not a vampire. Again - that’s a van-fire, Eastbound collector lanes at Dixie…’