FWG is a movie whore

Been spending an inordinate amount of time at the cinemas lately. According to this opinionated storyteller, here’s the skinny:

Quarantine (Warning! Spoilers below!)

The Good: Nothing. Oh - except that I got to watch it with the I.S. Oh - and that it wasn`t too scary for me to handle.

The Bad: In fact, it was so not scary that I didn`t get to hold the I.S.`s hand during scary parts (as was negotiated when I was dragged out to see it) - because there weren`t any.

The Ugly: As in Cloverfield and Blair Witch Project, the use of a character`s video camera as narrator rather than prop, it allows this oh-so-very adorably clever (and already over-done) plot element: Every character dies. Luckily they were all so lame we won’t miss any of them.


Quantum of Solace

The Good: If you like action sequences, they’re intense, omnipresent, often plausible and blessedly free of noticeable CG cartoonism. Doctor Lock calls this film “A better Hulk movie than The Hulk.” Daniel Craig remains a more modern and believable Bond than his predecessors and much less a misogynist pig.

The Bad: This latest Bond also severely lacks the charm and humour of the originals. In short, the patented Bond character is missing, perhaps to return some day, perhaps not. In short, I don’t know what sets Bond movies apart from other action movies any more.

The Ugly: This latest Bond villain was so tame I’ve already forgotten his name and his face. I think maybe his name was Bob and he was an insurance salesman who liked to step on innocent ants or something. Where, oh where is Dr. No when you need him?


The Day the Earth Stood Still

The Good: The emotionless automaton-like alien is perfectly portrayed by Keanu Reeves who blessedly possesses no acting range or emotional capacity which might otherwise get in the way.

The Bad: Where to start? Such compelling scope to the theme and material but they never get around to doing anything with it but the shallowest possible exploration required for a cheesy action flick. The characters have no voices but merely bumble around servicing the plot. B-movie all the way.
The Ugly: Writers of any kind have an unfortunate habit of falling on their face when they try to write dialogue for characters who are supposedly more intelligent than the writer himself. Here we have super-advanced, well-researched aliens and a Nobel Prize winner trying to discuss the essences of humanity but choking out only the most foolish of clichés.


Yes Man

The Good: I laughed out loud on a couple occasions. If that’s the only objective of a comedy film - kudos.

The Bad: The plot was so thin I’m not sure it had one. But that’s okay because it made me laugh.

The Ugly: The fact that I showed up at the wrong cinema by mistake, where my film of choice was not playing, and I was so lazy I just watched this muck instead. Which is okay because it made me laugh.


Seven Pounds

The Good: Vibrant characters who behave legitimately and useful themes; primarily the gap between kindness and self-interest.

The Bad: I kept guessing what the surprises would be only to discover - there weren’t any.

The Ugly: My pal’s comment that Will Smith is type-cast because he always plays a black guy.

Valkyrie

The Good: A very well-crafted story given the challenge of adding historical responsibility to the long list of conflicting priorities that hamper every attempt to create a compelling story and inevitably provide us critics with something petty to snark about. Which makes movie critic about the easiest job in the world.

The Bad: There were details here that I had no previous idea about. This may very well speak poorly of my attention to history class rather than Hollywood’s integrity.

The Ugly: That many will miss out on a great movie because they’ve got a thing about their perception of who Tom Cruise is. In fact, his acting performance was good enough that I forgot he was Tom Cruise. I fell right into this story; found it very compelling.


So if you’re wondering what to do with your Cineplex Odeon Christmas gift certificates - my recommendation is Valkyrie. Or else hold out for Star Trek Origins. That’s my plan.