Monday, February 19, 2007

Still more Steve-o quotes o' the day

Hey, you want a man-sock?

Yeah, the day that happens is the day my nut-sack falls to the ground like a baby.

[Editor's note: I swear these quotes are accurate. I know they don't often make sense but usually he just starts talking without knowing where he's going with it and sometimes paints himself into a corner.]

She's so wrinkly like a prune. If my nut-sack had arms and legs it would look just like her.

Here comes the fish again
Falling on my head like the scalloped potatoes
They're looking pretty bad. I think I'll throw them out.
And the fish can just stay here
'Cause the fish can just STAY HERE!

It's got to be an oriental driver. It has to be. You can tell by that big oversized rear-view mirror. Those mirrors aren't standard you know. I think it's a hereditary thing. All the Asians. There's a giant-mirror seed in them when they're born and when they're sixteen it comes out their leg and then they put it on their car.

Is that my phone? Yeah, it is. I got a - phone call dear Liza, dear Liza a pho- Hello?

You know how first-dates are. We mostly just talked about anal butt plugs.

I am Grandma Gummie Balls. I am in Ikea commercial. Get two Swedish meatballs for 67 cents - with a side order of sphincterola.

When I was just a little boy
I asked my mother, what will I be?
Will I be pretty? Will I be rich?
Here’s what she said to me.
Que sera sera
You’ll grow a comb moustache
And build an empire of hate and greed
And kill many Jews
Que sera sera…

I’m gonna brush my teeth. I’ve probably got cheese breath.
Cheese breath cheese breath cheese breath!
Cheese breath cheese breath cheese breath!

I wonder if cows have cheese breath?

Neither FWG or the good people at endorse any opinions expressed in the preceding article.


Kathleen said...

Do you walk around with a recorder to catch all of these pearls of wisdom or are you just incredibly clever and are able to remember them?

Great, now he's gone and ruined Que sera, sera for me! I'll never be able to watch The Man Who Knew Too Much Again and get the same enjoyment out of that song.

Fantasy Writer Guy said...

Kats, I go on memory which is actually not very good. For every 10 I can remember there's about 90 I've forgotten. The only time he ever stops talking is to sing.

Kathleen said...

And he's your roommate? I think I'd shoot him after a while. I like my peace & quiet - probably why I live alone, eh?

Babs Gladhand said...

I'll bet cows have cottage cheese breath. Or maybe buttermilk with a hint of grass breath.