One of the core purposes of my existence in the world is to watch every heroic adventure/fantasy movie ever made; as insufferably bad as most of them are. Yet somehow I've managed to miss this one for the entire twenty-two years since its release. Until now.
There's very little you need to know. Here it is:
1. The soundtrack is seventies porn/disco.
2. Matthew Broderick does his own stunts. Which mostly consists of him running around waving his arms like a little girl.
3. Dustin Hoffman and Mary-Lou Retton play the king and queen.
4. I'm kidding. Dustin Hoffman and Mary-Lou Rhetton do not play the king and Queen. But they could have. In fact it would have been just the thing to to lift this flick from just-plain-bad to cult shtick. Well. That and if they got rid of the horses and banged empty halves of coconuts together instead.
5. I'm sitting here blogging instead of paying close attention to it. What does that tell you?
6. Broderick and Michelle Pfeiffer are showing no signs that they're going to get it on. There's still an hour or so to go but honestly - I haven't even seen a nipple so far. From either of them.
7. Even if you wanted to see this for some bizarre reason - you'd probably never find it at your local video store. I found this VHS copy at the library where old movies go to die.
Random dialogue:
"I fell in a hole and followed my nose.""Serves me right for getting involved in this nightmare. Nightmare? Daymare. And then a night without day. A day without night. What's that supposed to mean? Makes about as much sense as the rest of it."
"Looks like a big one, Captain. We're gonna get soaked."
"Do you know that wolves and hawks mate for life?" [Editor's note: Presumably not with each other.]
"This hole's not big enough for the two of us."
"Damn you! Damn you to hell!"
Oh thank goodness. It's over. Some random credits:
Attiene Navarre: Rutger Hauer
Bishop's secretary: Venantino Venantini
Italian Horse Wrangler: Sergio Casedei
Stand-by Painter: Romolo Siani
Italian Unit Runner: Marco Pugini
In Loving Memory of: "Little Pasta"
.
.jpg)
15 comments:
Dear heavens, that sounds horrible. I'm sure it counts for time in purgatory, so you'll get out 2 hours sooner. ;-)
Oh wait! That's right, there is no purgatory anymore. You watched that for no reason.
oh dear, be prepped to cringe...
I liked it when I was a kid, and today it would be what I call "a guilty pleasure"
sorry, heh.
Oh, hey, I *liked* it....it's especially good after some Corellian whiskey.....
I do want to see it. For the bizarre reason that it has been deemed by you to be so horribly bad. I love horribly bad movies. In modest doses, of course.
If you really want to know - I didn't mind the movie at all. I kind of enjoyed it. After all - I'm a sucker for all heroic adventure movies.
But it's still goofy. And easy to make fun of. So I did...
Does anyone know who is "little pasta"?
Little Pasta was the name of the actual hawk, which apparently died during production, since the dedication is in the memory of 'Little Pasta'.
This ain't Shakespeare, Charlie. It is just a fun romantic fantasy adventure yarn. Don't try to make it Ibsen. Just have fun with it!
Great movie. Maybe best movie ever. EVER.
I second Carol. The film is really great and moving. Don't take my word for it though - see for yourself!
15 yrs since u posted this so I am sure you have watched it a few more times and come to appreciate the work of art that it truly is. How could any movie be terrible with Rutger, Matthew, Michelle and greatest of all John Wood aka Dr Falken (war games…. See what they did there. Falken Ladyhawk . Clearly a aviary theme. Yes it’s campy 80’s but it’s one of the better ones and is just plain simple fun. Enjoy it without expectations.
Aframe: You make a compelling argument. And I have a lot of respect for people who stick up for their favourite movies. I have not seen it since but I will find a way to do so ASAP. It's the least I can do in return for your kind comment. Thank you so much for visiting!
No, it wasn't the hawk. The hawk that was in the film lived for 35 years.
Funny you should mention Dustin Hoffman, because he was first choice to play Gaston before Sean Penn turned it down and Broderick got it. I was twelve when I saw this and it was a gut punch to the development of my adolescent emotional self, somewhat echoed the following year by The Karate Kid Part 2.
I just saw this movie again after at least 30 years. Loved it as a youngster and still really like it. The one thing I can truly criticize is the soundtrack. It SUCKS! Alan Parsons mat have produced it, but I hope he wrote none of it. SO 80's porn/pop (as someone put it). With a better soundtrack, this movie would jump a star in rating. Good storyline and good acting. Great "B" movie!
Post a Comment