Wednesday, March 28, 2012

And then FWiG answered the phone


Hi. Somebody called me?

Is that right.

Yeah. Somebody called me from this number.

Not me.


That's my number.

Somebody called at 2:45 from your number.

Well. It wasn't me.

I assume it was about lawn care.

Well. This is a townhouse and the management cares for the lawns here; not the tenants.

So somebody wanted a quote maybe?

No. I don't think so.

Oh, no?

We're tenants. We don't care for the lawns. We wouldn't want a quote. Only the management would maybe want a quote and they have their own phone. They wouldn't use mine. So...


So, are we done?

Maybe someone called the wrong number?

Yeah. I think that's it. I think I must have dialed the wrong number when I was making phone calls at 2:45.

Oh. Okay.

Are we done now?


Goodbye now.


Isn't it amazing the things that we human beings accomplish when we get together? It's these summits of massive intelligence such as this that prove to me that there is a Sky God smiling down at us from the glittery heavens. Only an omnipotent Sky God could possibly design such incredible creatures as human beings. We're just so fucking intelligent you know it had to be a fucking amazing God who put us together. I'm sure he spent an entire afternoon at it too. I'm sure he didn't just pump us out in between the oppossum and the dung beetle. I'm sure we weren't some kind of five-minute job. He must have really thought about us carefully 'cause we're just so amazing. Just look at us: Telephones... Lawn care... I just want to run to the nearest temple and sing a fucking Holy Hosannah or two. You know?

[Editor's note: Um... Can you maybe leave this in edit mode for now? Until we can have a little talk?]


Roger said...

hahahah! arround here you can dial the wrong number and still have a nice convo about the person you were trying to call in the first place..

Elizabeth Twist said...

Ha. I have two ongoing issues with my phone. One, strangers occasionally phone me and accuse me of calling them. I insist I have not. They insist I have. I presume a glitch in the matrix caused by my superpowers of chi, not to mention cheesiness. Perhaps something similar is going on here.

Two, I guess my phone number is similar to a hospital / doctor's office or something? I get phone messages like this:

Hi. I'm going into labour. So if you could meet me at the hospital, that would be great.

Yes, the boil you lanced is much worse again today. Call me back.

My leg hurts and I can't feel my foot. Hello? My leg hurts and I can't feel my foot. Hello? Hello?

Good times. Good, clean times.