Friday, January 05, 2007

FWG - Gold Medal Game Simulcast!

%$@#%!! Damn! %&#!!

Russia just scored. Bastards. Good new is - that only makes it 4-1 Canada! Woo-hoo!

And this is the rubber-match. Us and them have 11 gold medals each since the World Junior Hockey Tournament’s beginnings in ’77.

I’m blogging and watching the game (via internet broadband) simultaneously - on a Friday afternoon - at the office. Not exactly the text-book recipe for corporate success, I realize but hey - this is Canada. Hockey gold medals are bigger than Christmas around here.

Damn. Russia pressing and now they’re going back to the power-play…

I think I effectively demonstrated Canadian hockey passion to Steve’s cousins who were over visiting from Malta for their first time. This was last week. On TV, the Canada – U.S. opening round match was playing and we were leading by two goals. I’d just finished discussing the state of spectator sports in Malta with our guests (it amounts to televised foreign soccer apparently) and stated that I didn’t like soccer because it seems like soccer fans are all nuts over in Europe and frankly they scare me.

At that moment an American player, unhindered, ran straight into Canuck netminder Carey Price, knocking him off his feet and with the goalie out of the way the puck was easily fired into the net unchallenged. Astonishingly, there was no interference penalty called and the goal was allowed to stand.


FWG would have none of that and leapt off his chair hollering every four-letter word that came to mind and with fists clenched even vowed to hop the next plane to Sweden and go and kill the referees.

Ahem. So much for European soccer fans.

Okay, so besides a lesson in Canadian passion for hockey I may have inadvertently demonstrated a thing or two about hypocrisy. Fine. I’m not perfect obviously.

F#&#!! Russians scored again. Their power play is dynamite, those F#%$#ers.

Sorry. Back to the story: But oh! Who’d have thought I could extend my Super Karma Man powers to our boys way over in Sweden? Just moments after play resumed Darren Helm goes charging toward the American net one-on-one with the puck and the defender hauls him down. Penalty? Not required. Helm, inadvertently mind you, goes sliding into U.S. goalie Zatkoff, knocking them both into the net – and thanks to the marvelous laws of inertia – oh – and karma, what else goes sliding over the goal line? Yup. The puck. Two-goal lead restored!

Oh sweet karma! Sweet deliverance of divine justice! Does this calm me? Lull me into a zen-like state? No. I’m on my feet again before the wide-eyed Maltese delegation screaming and yelling and banging my hand against my forehead – finger and thumb forming an L-shape.

“Losers! Losers! How do you like them apples, eh, suckers!”

4-2 Canada after 2 periods. Twenty minutes to go.

Excuse me while I get a bit of work done…

Third period under way…

By the way, I really must apologize for my behavior through the whole goalie-crashing thing – especially to my American friends – if any are still reading that is, and haven’t removed me from their bookmarks in disgust.

Sweet Jesus Marie. Russian breakaway. Whew! Price made the save. He’s been awesome in this tournament. Sweet Jesus.

Thirteen minutes to go. Hang on boys…!

Excuse me one second.

‘Dear Lord, Please let us defeat those godless communists. Hey-la hey-la, hocus-pocus, boom shakalak. Amen.’

Without playing any polotics here - my heart totally goes out to the American players and hockey fans for what happened in the semi-final match against Canada. A shoot-out is a horrible way to lose a hockey game - especially one that eliminates you from contention.

Shoot-outs are ridiculous. It’s not hockey. It’s a side-show. The fact is - The Americans outplayed us for the majority of that game - between the creases anyway. The goaltending was the difference - that and the crap-shoot - I mean - shoot-out. It was totally unfair.

Another Russia power play. I can’t look…

I’ve sat through a couple of shoot-outs in the past where Canada lost and was eliminated. It’s a horrible experience. It’s like being told you didn’t get the promotion you hoped for because the boss flipped a coin and got tails.

Sincerely - to all Americans who had to see that - my heart goes out to you (well - all of you that didn’t vote republican in the last election that is).

We killed the penalty. Hoo haw! Oops. Oh, you’ve got to be kidding me. A high stick from Bryan Little. Knocked the helmet right off one of the Russians. Bityerkockov or whoever. Back to the box again dammit. And me without my blood pressure medication.

‘Dear Lord, Please don’t let me die without seeing our boys win the gold. Amen.’

I should probably be working on the report that the president of the company wants to see by end of day. I’m probably flirting with the Salary Discontinuation Program but that’s okay. There’s a dark little part of me that looks forward to getting laid off. Looks forward to the next chapter in life where perhaps I’ll land a job more compatible with writing endeavors.

Five minutes to go! Still 4-2…

Oh fuck me black and blue. Another penalty. And it’s to Marc Staal too, our best defenseman and penalty killer. Perfect…

Holy crap. Russia pulls their goalie! Six-on-four power-play but an empty net for us to shoot at if we get the puck! A three-goal lead would ice it…

One minute to go! Russian net still empty!

Fifteen seconds! Wooo Hooooo! Hot damn!




Gold! Gold! Gold!

No comments: