Well they did it again. Those little freaks at Reliance Home Comfort - they're crazy as shit-house rats I tell you. And as promised, I'm sending their latest offering back with a 'Final Notice' message scrawled on it. Although I'm having second thoughts about giving up just yet. If this doesn't work I may in fact try a couple more strategies.
I'll save Mark Cohen's solution for last - that of writing 'deceased' on the envelope. First - I think I'll try this if necessary:
Return to sender. Anthrax powder enclosed.
I'm thinking that might get someone's attention. I wonder if I might get into some hot water, though? That's not considered a post 9-11 faux-pas is it? I don't really want to get security certified by CCIS and disappear for three years over this. A brief prison stint might be a lark though. As long as they feed me and let me write all day. Think of the fun new experiences I could blog about. Shower-rape for instance. Laundry duty, mushy dinners of mysterious origin, digging tunnels behind Rita Hayworth posters, shower-rape. Oops. Did I say that one already?
There's still the hope of actually finding Sylvie Ruel. I'm sure she could put an end to all this with a simple phone call. While attempts so far to locate her via internet have failed I did notice that googling "Sylvie Ruel" brings up this blog as the number-one link! So if she has a single narcissistic bone in her body and happens to google herself (hee-hee! I love that phrase!) - she may just find her way here.
If you're reading this, Sylvie - please. Make the call.
FWG
I'll save Mark Cohen's solution for last - that of writing 'deceased' on the envelope. First - I think I'll try this if necessary:
Return to sender. Anthrax powder enclosed.
I'm thinking that might get someone's attention. I wonder if I might get into some hot water, though? That's not considered a post 9-11 faux-pas is it? I don't really want to get security certified by CCIS and disappear for three years over this. A brief prison stint might be a lark though. As long as they feed me and let me write all day. Think of the fun new experiences I could blog about. Shower-rape for instance. Laundry duty, mushy dinners of mysterious origin, digging tunnels behind Rita Hayworth posters, shower-rape. Oops. Did I say that one already?
There's still the hope of actually finding Sylvie Ruel. I'm sure she could put an end to all this with a simple phone call. While attempts so far to locate her via internet have failed I did notice that googling "Sylvie Ruel" brings up this blog as the number-one link! So if she has a single narcissistic bone in her body and happens to google herself (hee-hee! I love that phrase!) - she may just find her way here.
If you're reading this, Sylvie - please. Make the call.
FWG
4 comments:
I'm starting to think that maybe those Reliance people aren't so smart.
I'm starting to think the posties aren't sending them back to the Reliance people. I'm wondering if I should actually put one in a larger envelope and properly mail it back to them. Of course I'd have to spring for a stamp. And who's attention would I direct it to?
Collections Dept?
Manager of Address Changes?
How about... Vice President Things Not At All Frivolous?
Oh the dilemma.
I'm thinking the whole anthrax message might not be a very good idea. Probably a whole lot like "joking" about bombs at the airport. And can you imagine ending up at Kingston penitentiary? They're always in the news for something bad.
Yikes. I didn't know about the Kingston Pen. I thought they were pretty much just chillin' up there.
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