Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Ask FWG, not Jeeves - edition 4

More google questions. more answers.

1. deseronto hanger storage
For how many hangers? I have an uncle in Marysville who’s only using half his hall closet. I’m sure he could use the cash. Oh. Or did you mean hangar? I don’t think he has room for a plane.

2. pin her down struggle fantasy
Oh no. Oh dear. There goes the pervert alarm again. Why do I get so many perverts here? Look – I can’t help you with your struggle fantasy. Isn’t there a 976-number you can call?

3. guy noples
They’re mostly the same as girl noples but much more difficult to squeeze milk out of.

4. At the mercy of caning officer
Oh gawd, there it goes again. Can someone please reset the damn pervert alarm? Why me?

5. g2 oakville rout
Oh I’m so sick of these drive-test questions I could scream. 90 per-cent of my traffic is would-be motorists getting side-tracked while looking for drive test info. That and perverts. What a sad state of affairs.

6. lipoma forehead picture
I’m sorry. We’re fresh out of lipoma forehead pictures but can I interest you in a shot of Bob Runciman with three foreheads each bearing a swastika? No charge.

7. g2 oakville route
Oh – you again. And you remembered the ‘e’ this time. Good for you. But you forgot that clicking ‘Fantasy Writer Guy’ doesn’t lead you to the government drive test web site after all. Strange. You’d think it would, eh? Why don’t you go back and try it one more time?

8. fruitopia stain
Depends where the stain is. Is it on your bed sheets? Do you engage in rough sex? It might not be Fruitopia. Start by soaking in cold water. If that doesn’t work, let me know.

9. passing grade for g1 test Ontario
Piss off. Go away.

10. I fuck you back to ın the vevenıng!!!
Well! I guess I’ve been told. But really – change it up now and then. Try a little mormning session some time.

11. "jack handy" "deep thoughts" pickle jar
Yes. It’s true. Jack stores all his deep thoughts in pickle jars. Sometimes he has a hard time getting them out. He tries to stab them with a fork and the damn things just bob around, you know? It’s exasperating.

12. dvd ontario g1 drivers licence
Don’t rent it. It sucked. Lame plot, wooden characters and the car-chase was awful. They never went over 55 mph.

13. knowledge test for ontario,s written and vision test questions and answers
It’s called the Drivers Handbook. Buy it. Read it. Stop trying to cheat, you cretin.

14. imbibage
J’ne parle pas Francais, monsieur.

15. G1 testing centre eglinton Mississauga
Snorples. That’s right. I said snorples. It’s my web site and I can say snorples any time I please. Just try and stop me.

16. driving exams 5555 eglinton avenue west
Snorples to you too, Jack.

17. fantasy pictures wrath lust envy
That’s it? What about greed, pride, sloth and – and – crap. Why can I never remember all of the 7 deadly fantasy pictures?

18. purchasing naan bread in etobicoke
It’s quite easy. Really. You just say, ‘I’ll have some naan bread please.’ And they’ll give you some and ask for some money and you give them the money. It’s really nothing to fret over. Just tell the merchant it’s your first time. I’m sure she’ll be gentle and help you along if you get confused.

The information above has been tested on a closed track by professional drivers. Do not attempt at home. The author bears no responsibility, financial or otherwise, for any manifestations of the use or misuse of the above counsel, including but not limited to: financial loss, motion sickness, dimentia, groin pull, purple nurple, burnt toast, night sweat, goose pimples, heart palpitations, compulsive masturbation, split ends, hang-nails, terrorist bombing or unpopped kernels.


Kathleen said...

You're really regretting writing about your driver test hell, aren't you? But isn't it nice to know you have company - who knows if it's good company, but at least it's companionship.

Next time maybe somebody will be looking for the definition of rurryseq.

Anonymous said...

you have all the good ones! HEH!