Tuesday, July 17, 2007

I'm it

Apparently operating a blog compels you to certain rules around tagging. Something I haven’t acknowledged until now. And I would almost surely remain in denial except that my tagger (taggor, tagress?), Bablatrice of Flumadiddle fame, is too beautiful a human being to be refused. Thus I comply for the first, and likely the last, time.

The rules as copied and pasted from the Flumadiddle site:

- We have to post these rules before we give you the facts.
- Players start with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
- People who are tagged need to write their own blog about their eight things and post these rules.
- At the end of your blog post, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names.
- Don't forget to leave them each a comment telling them they're tagged, and to read your blog.

Got all that?

Eight things:

1. There’s much evidence suggesting that I’m a freak of nature; a biological factory defect. An invalid organism bearing random mutation not conducive to natural selection. My kind is doomed. So far I’ve not established this as fact.

2. I wear a beard to hide my double chin which is probably not fooling anyone.

3. I’m irreversibly convinced that we live in a society of almost pure illusion. I experience only brief moments of clarity into this which are sometimes euphoric and sometimes terrifying. The moments are too shocking to hold onto for long but I strive to do so. I don’t expect you to believe me. That’s fine. I’ve spent hundreds of hours gathering theories and evidence around this.

4. I absolutely vehemently hate:
- 99.99% of television content
- Telephones
- Automobiles
- Those giant centipede type bugs with the long fluttery legs
- Bigotry
- Fishermans Friend cough drops
- Black holes
- Black licorice
- Cancer
- Unintentional stupidity

5. I absolutely love:
- The I.S.
- My mom
- My best friends
- Californian and Australian red wines
- Warm fresh bread under heaps of melting butter
- The work of astronomers, cosmologists and poets
- Lacrosse
- Macroni’s ziti tagliatti
- Musician/poet/humanitarian Bruce Cockburn
- Writing

6. I work everyday at escaping the overwhelming noise of society; of the matrix, if you will! I engage in the ancient poetic process to the best of my novice ability. I’m compelled to pursue states of enlightenment and transcendence of a simple organic structure, entirely apart from that of any religious program that I’m aware of. It largely involves the defeat of duplicity and ego and a state of complete peace. I doubt very much I’ll ever achieve a pure state and assume that any significant manner of commercial publishing success will derail the endeavor.

7. I’m chronically sleep-deprived.

8. I lost my cherry to a high-school teacher while, as it turned out, her husband spied on us. Ashamed, I hid this fact for years.

9. I’m largely convinced that the only meaning or purpose of life is domination; the core instinct to flood the universe with one’s kind at the expense of all others. I assume that anything evolving into a beast of society and intelligence and attaining a solitary position in the ‘food chain’ (I use the term very loosely) will suffer a mentally ungraspable cooperation/competition paradox forcing the survival instinct be manifested as – deception. Something mankind has fatally mastered to the point of repressed self-hatred and the acting out of illusory lives. These thoughts are my own, by the way, not borrowed though almost surely unoriginal. I’m obviously not the first person to commit one’s life to the grasping of the nature of our existence. I’m now fully committed to exposing the flaws in this current set of understandings of which the above is an absurdly simplified summary. I have little doubt I will prove current theories wrong and continue to refine. So there. Do I belong in a looney bin? Yeah. You’re probably right.

I hereby tag the following eight people:

1. President George W. Bush
2. Kermit the Frog
3. Anyone with the initials JS
4. Anyone with a metal plate in his or her body or who wishes they had.
5. Anyone who’s ever been minding their own business in a bathroom stall when suddenly pitched into darkness.
6. Anyone with both a child and a grandchild of the same name.
7. John Cleese
8. Anyone who wants to be tagged.



Anonymous said...

Ok my sides hurt...You lost your cherry to a highschool teacher while her hub SPIED on you eh?

Aw man that is priceless.

Anonymous said...

I LOVE Fishermans Friends!!!!!

Wow...sex with the high school teacher....(Thumbs up)


Roger said...

now that’s a fantasy that has played through my adolescent mind for years and years!

and your views on life, the universe and everything are very similar to my own....

Fantasy Writer Guy said...

The event with the teacher was neither funny or worthy of fantasy at the time. It was entirely uncomfortable for a while. Plus I wonder how many other youth they may have exploited. I can certainly see the humour in hindsight though.

PK: I was talking about cough drops. Afraid to ask what you're thinking of!

Sarah said...

Ooh, I have a metal plate in my body!

... Unfortunately I think I've already done this one.

Babs Gladhand said...

I am so sorry you were exploited by your teacher and her husband. It's seriously sick what some people will do. I am however, proud that you're no longer ashamed to talk about it. Maybe I'm just more sensitive to this type of thing.

And if you belong in a looney bin, so do I.

I just hope they'll put us on the same floor.

Babs Gladhand said...

Oh..and thank you for allowing yourself to be tagged.

Kathleen said...

I'm too tired to understand your ninth fact.

Do you like intentional stupidity?

Fantasy Writer Guy said...

Kats: Intentional stupidity is the core component of what passes for mainstream comedy these days, wouldn't you say? And though it's lower-order and I've evolved well beyond that, I still catch myself laughing at it sometimes. I feel dirty after but yeah, I still enjoy it sometimes!

Kathleen said...

I, too, enjoy the occasional intentional stupidity. Sometimes it's just too hard not to laugh.