The Earnest Chef is in town today. Haven’t seen him in a couple months. He’s joined myself, Chessmaster and The Ponderer for one our weekly breakfast write-ins at The Joker’s Café. Following, he’ll attend my weekly hike with The Healer and little Doctor Dizzy at a lovely cave-dotted conservation area.
Officially I am in financial crisis with my employer pretty much ignoring my existence, however I spare not an ounce of stress over it. I seem to know inherently that stress is useless. Also I know inherently that I am not going to starve on the streets no matter what happens.
Also, I am simply in a happy place. Just as with Siddhartha or Aurobindo’s treatment on the Bhagavad Gita, I am now reading a book which has me in joyful tears. I am once again connecting superbly in terms of matters that are core to my understandings of people, the world and the universe and which I can almost never communicate to any real degree with the living people around me, a phenomenon that leaves me feeling like an interplanetary alien most of the time.
The magnificent factor this time around though, is that this author is alive. Alive! The effect of this is beautiful. I am suddenly not so alone. I now know for certain that there is at least one person on this planet here and now who would fully understand me; who could have a discussion with me where I could utterly be myself and be understood and vice-versa. Where I need not monitor myself and hide insights which would alienate my company or cause them to think I am a liar or delusional.
That said, I am fully myself, I believe, with Neo and Neo believes he understands me but I am not convinced. He does not demonstrate that he understands me. I’m inclined to think he understands more of me than perhaps any other, or perhaps believes he understands who I think I am but without believing I am necessarily without delusion – which would not offend me. Scepticism is generally very wise in a world that is invariably 99% bullshit.
Back to this book, which was recommended to me years ago by The Journeyer and recently by The Healer and which has languished on my bookshelf untouched for years!:
Every paragraph it seems, contains yet more and more affirmation of my long roster of understandings. He describes the process (which I have thought of as the poetic process) which reflects my experiences precisely, though he calls it simply spirituality, or the new spirituality, a habit of consciousness; presence; awareness.
Being perfectly patient when properly engaged in my work; my poetic pursuits, I am content to simply finish the book and then do some research on the author, a German I believe, and only then, if this marvelous symmetry still holds up, figure out how I can meet him, or else with some organization he perhaps champions (if such exists) and finally have humans I can communicate with for real - again, not to diminish the trust or belief I have in Neo. I am just not sure, currently, exactly where we stand in this regard.
My hope, in doing this, is not just to dispel the specter of alienhood, but to get help in refining my goals in life. I long ago lost interest in all normal pursuits and being so regularly joyful, peaceful and free of a great bulk of societal illness, have desired only to be useful to others; specifically to champion harmony and the evolution of consciousness which I believe I have taken part in and which I interpret confidently that this race of humans must embrace, and soon, if we are to survive as a species.
I might be begging on the street soon but life has never been better!