Sunday, February 17, 2008

FWG Versus the Dirty Thief

I stayed up late last night watching Clint Eastwood classic Pale Rider. My bid to sleep-in this morning was ruined by a phone call. It went like this:

“Hello?”

“Hello. May I speak to Stephen [McBeano-Windchime]?”

“No. He’s away on vacation.”

“Are you the homeowner?”

“No.”

“Do you know when I might be able to reach Mr. [McBeano-Windchime]?”

“Concerning what matter, please?”

“This is Sears Carpet Cleaning. We have a special offer for-”

“Excuse me but neither of us support merchants who stoop to telephone solicitation. We don’t believe it’s ethically moral.”

“Well, it’s ethically moral to work, you know!”

“Oh, I know, honey. That’s why I’m hiring Mr. [McBeano-Windchime] to find you and kill you. Since I’m paying him – since he’s working – it’s ethically moral to murder you. Sorry about your luck. Hope your will is in order.”

Okay – that was a complete lie. That’s what I wish I’d said. But I was a little groggy being woken up so really, it actually went like this:

“Well, it’s ethically moral to work, you know!”

“Well, Scooby Scooby Doo. Where are you? You got some work to do now!”

Okay. I’m lying again. It really went like this:

“Well, it’s ethically moral to work, you know!”

“Oh. Oh. Well, why didn’t you say so? In that case, come on over and clean the shit off my rugs. There’s weiner poopies all over them. By all means. Come on down.”

What?


Alright. Alright. I’ll tell the truth this time:

“Well, it’s ethically moral to work, you know!”

“Oh it is, eh? Well you’re a DIRTY FILTHY THIEF!”

[Editor’s note: What FWG really said was: “Not when you’re stealing my time, it’s not.” And then she hung up on him. End of story.]

Shut up, editor.

3 comments:

Babs said...

Hahahaha. I love the Scooby Doo response.

Kathleen said...

I always just hang up the phone once I determine it's a telemarketer. I don't even respond anymore. I figured out you had to say No three times before they'd listen, but simply hanging up is much faster.

Canada doesn't have a Do Not Call list?

Fantasy Writer Guy said...

yeah, we have a list but that doesn't mean that everyone obeys. I don't mind the odd phone pirate because normally I like to have fun with them but this time I was too sleepy...