Friday, February 29, 2008

Home-cooked fal-awfuls

The experiment with non-meat meal alternatives is yielding mixed results. Things were going along swimmingly until I was gently informed that ice cream and popcorn do not comprise a ‘healthy vegetarian diet’. Who knew? Since then I’ve added plastics and metal alloy to the menu.

While the cook-from-frozen boxed falafels failed to cook to perfection, the pair of plastic lids that I forgot to remove from the top of the mini convection oven - most certainly did. Check out their gooey remains:

I now owe Steve-o a new liquid-tight casserole dish along with a new set of stovetop element covers. That's right. Element covers. Another recent kitchen conquest had me wondering why my pot of water was still not boiling while the white element cover next to it was turning a rich shade of brown. Could it be… I turned on the wrong element? Could be, rabbit. Could be.

Here are the falafels. The pic doesn’t quite reveal the reality: That the resulting falafelesque goop patty precisely resembled a German Sheppard sized mass of dog puke. The voluminous foamy kind, that is. Not the stringy kind from eating grass. The kind they hurl upon eating way too much of something they shouldn’t have. All the garlic hummus in the world couldn’t save these bad boys:

Tip: Topside lid residue peels easily away if you leave it alone until the oven cools.

Who wouldn’t be proud to serve this at their next dinner party?


Aequitas said...

Oh man. I have to teach you how to cook. kind of looks like oatmeal and a turd had offspring.

Anonymous said...

Why are you digging in Leah's Pull-ups?

Dave said...

Wow, good to know my gag reflex still works.
Aren't falafels supposed to be those roundish chick pea patties? I think you got a box of factory seconds.
Maybe you should just plan to have all your meals at Indian restaurants. Lots of veggie fare to be had there without having to assault your eyes and ours in the process.

Kathleen said...

I'm so sorry I haven't been around to help with the vegetarian transition.

Babs Gladhand said...

Oh dear god, those are disgusting looking. There's a falafel mix you can buy - Casbah brand is pretty good. All you do is add water then fry the things. They're tasty, and don't look like carbonated turds.

Anonymous said...

I am sorry too that Kathleen wasn't around to help you with your vegetarian journey.

Dr. Brainiac said...

Ewwww...looks like what my dogs left behind after their worming treatment this week.