It's all about meme

Got this questionnaire from Suki. She didn’t tag me in writing but I picked up her psychic suggestion that I participate.

Alphabet Meme #2

A - Available: Only in the most spectacular of circumstances.

B - Best friend: Porn King. Mind you, Doctor Lock, Professor Plonk and Cap’n Vino all have sufficient best-friend-like properties to qualify. I’m pretty lucky.


C - Cake or Pie: Nobody gives a rat’s ass whether I prefer cake or pie. How could you waste such a useful letter as ‘C’? You could have asked for ‘Country of origin’ or ‘Craziest thing you ever did’ or ‘Craziest thing you ever did in bed’. How about ‘Cartoon character you most resemble’, ‘Car you drive’, ‘Colour of your pubic hair’ or something to do with cats?


D - Drink of choice: Rusty Nail, Chai latte or a 2002 Californian Shiraz


E - Essential thing used everyday: Penis (for peeing and little else, unfortunately.)


F - Favourite colour: I’m not a colourist. I’m politically correct that way. Hey, you can tell a Canadian created this meme, eh? The ‘OU’ thing.

G - Gummi bears or worms: I’d bet my money on the worm. Gummi bears are inanimate. And edible.

H-Hometown: Lat: 43.698172, Long: -79.746355, Earth


I - Indulgence: I’m 305 lbs. Take a guess.


J - January or February: Hmm. Let’s see. January: Blizzards, heating bills, influenza, slipping on the ice, traffic jams, stuck in snow, driving into ditches and freezing my tits off – versus February: Snow storms, heating bills, coughing and sneezing, slipping and falling, traffic jams, spinning tires, careening off the road and frost bite. Tough call. I’d say they’re equally enchanting.


K - Kids and names: If a girl: Arwen or Scout. If a boy: Dashel or Belhap Sattlestone Wirldess ag Miracloat roo Cononson. Mind you, the one and only reason I’d ever consider having a child would be so that I could name someone Belhap Sattlestone Wirldess ag Miracloat roo Cononson. The world is suspiciously short of them.


L - Life: Well, that’s a little deeper then the cake/pie question, isn’t it? Life, I suppose, is: Laughter, music, running, shooting, scoring, surviving everything they throw at you, gazing at the moon, tears of sorrow, tears of joy, puppy breath, snow in your hair, the love of a friend, holding someone beautiful, being tossed by the ocean; asking questions, solitude, the deafening roar of silence, facing the empty page, courage, letting go, leaving it all behind, taking the red pill, embracing the evil in yourself, wrestling with your ego, chiseling at your mask, earthshine on night clouds, touching the stars with your mind, stupefaction at your own miraculous existence, forgiveness, tears of pity, tears of wonderment, tastes of perfect freedom, believing in a better place and trying to make it so. Or something like that.



M - Marriage date: Sorry. Wrong number.

N - Number of siblings: First off, they ought to call ‘em squiblings. I have two, biologically, but only one that I actually squibble with.


O - Oranges or apples: Apples for sure. Though slightly less aerodynamic, they shatter upon impact more spectacularly.


P - Phobias: Cancer, heart disease, really large insects, children, getting published, black holes, SAPDFOTU, my ego, noise and Big Brother.




Q - Quote: Matt Groening’s definition of love: Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come.


R - Reason to smile: the Illicit Sweetheart, being alive, Robot Chicken, snorting milk out your nose, kids at Christmas and 13,995 more things...



S - Season: Rosemary. No, dill. Wait. Those are herbs. Um. Pepper. Oh, screw that. Ginger. Do herbs count as seasoning? Okay, rosemary.

T - Tag three people: Babs, Supermom and Aequitas. Participation is entirely optional.

U - Unknown fact about you: If I told you, it would become known, now, wouldn’t it?

V - Vegetable you do not like: Artichokes, broccoli, carrots, cauliflower, beets, celery, parsnips, bok choy, spinach, red peppers, yellow beans, lima beans, green beans, green peppers, green peas, chick peas, asparagus, eggplant, mushrooms, lettuce, corn, cabbage, leeks, pickles, bamboo shoots and – oh – oh, so especially that vile goddamned monstrosity they call… cucumber. Uggh.


W - Worst habit: Staying up too late. It’s 1:36 AM currently.


X - X-rays you have had: How did I know this question would be on here? Um. More than I’ve had xylophones anyway. Mostly bones and stuff. Internal things.

Y - Your favorite food: Yes.

Z - Zodiac: Rhymes with Kodiak, roadie yak, and explodiac. That’s all I know.