Bad FWG makes a phone call

“Hello. I’d like to book a drivers test please.”

“Okay. Do you have your credit card handy?”

“Um. Why? How much is it?”

“Seventy five dollars.”

“Wow. That’s a lot of money. Alright. I got my credit card”

“Can I have your license number please?”

“I just punched it into the phone. You don’t see it?”

“I need it again.”

[tells her]

“Your name please?”

[tells her]

“And your address please.”

[ditto]

“Postal code?”

[blah-blah]

“Okay. Uh – But did you pass your knowledge and vision tests?”

“I’m sorry? My what?”

“Oh. You weren’t required to take a knowledge test or vision test?”

“No.”

“Are you sure? Do you have your letter handy?”

“I have a form. There’s a box that says Test Required and there’s an X in the box. A capital X. It doesn’t say Three Tests Required.”

“You didn’t get a letter with your form?”

“No. They didn’t send a letter.”

“They should have.”

“I guess they messed up. Does this mean I get a discount?”

“I’m afraid not. Okay. I’m checking your file and I see that you do indeed require vision and knowledge tests. It’s a good thing we found out. They wouldn’t have let you take the road test and then you’d have to re-book. And I see you have an April 30 deadline. That could have been bad.”

“I see.”

“Now these tests are on a walk-up basis. You just go to a DriveTest centre and wait in line. Now where do you live?”

“Streetsville as I mentioned.”

“Where’s that?”

“It’s part of Mississauga.”

“Okay. There’s no Mississauga locations.”

“Go figure – it’s only the sixth biggest city in the country.”

“We have… Oakville, Brampton, Etobicoke…”

“What’s the Etobicoke address?”

“5555 Eglinton Avenue West.”

“Perfect. That’ll do. Is there a charge for these tests?”

“Ten dollars.”

“Great. We’re up to eighty-five bucks now plus the hundred I had to send plus the original six-hundred in fines. You guys are doing alright for yourselves. Very good. Maybe you can afford a Mississauga location soon.”

“Maybe. By the way – you’ll want to get to the centre well before they close at five. You’ll want to book your road test as soon as you pass the other tests.”

“Thank you.”

“How do you pronounce your name?”

[tells her]

“Is that French?”

“Why? Do I get a discount if I’m French?”

“No. Sorry. I just find it really interesting. I’ve never heard of it before.”

“What about Natives? Do Natives get a discount? I think I’m one sixteenth Native."

“No. Nobody gets a discount.”

"Or maybe one part in thirty-two, I'm not sure."

"I've heard of Landry, of course, and Legault. Maybe someone got married and had a joint name and then had the hyphen removed."

“Actually it’s a very common name in Ottawa.”

“Oh, really?”

“Yeah. Ottawa Valley. It’s like Smith up there.”

“Is that right? That’s interesting!”

“Mm. This isn’t one of those five-minute dates is it?”

“Ha ha. No. Okay, so be sure to get this done quickly and then book your road test immediately. They’re already booked ‘til mid-April so there’s no time to lose.”

“Right. Will do.”

“It’s a good thing I checked your file, eh? Otherwise…”

“For sure. Yeah. Thanks. You really saved my Charlie Browns.”

“You’re welcome. Bye now.”

“Bye.”

I think she wants me. She knows that guys who get speeding tickets are cool.