Saturday, March 24, 2007

A toast to Steve-o: Roommate of the Month

You want to know how great a roommate Steve-o is? Despite the constant bombardment of Pee-Wee Hermanesque sing-songery? He played hooky from work just so he could make me breakfast this morning! How thoughtful is that? What a guy!

Actually it went down like this:


Steve-o: [busy over the stove] Istanbul and Constantinople, Istanbul and Constantinople, Istanbul and Constantinople. BLAME IT ON THE TURKS!

FWG: [Scrubbing dishes in the sink - under the watchful eye of Dish Frog] I can't stand them either.

Steve-o: Who?

FWG: The Noples.

Steve-o: Istanbul and Cantstandtheinoples, Istanbul and Cantstandtheinoples, Istanbul and Cantstandtheinoples. BLAME IT ON THE NOPLES!

FWG: Bravo. Is that from your Life of Hitler musical?

Steve-o: Yep. Opening act.

FWG: I thought Que Sera was the opening act?

Steve-o: No way. That's in act three - in flashback though. How many pancakes you good for?

FWG: None. I had to weigh in the other night. I got a strip torn off me. Got read the riot act.

Steve-o: Oh no. You're not going backwards are you?

FWG: At the moment, yeah. I'm almost back where I started.

Steve-o: Excuse me. Gotta put this in the garbage.

FWG: I'll make some bacon and eggs though.

Steve-o: Garbage Man! Garbage Man! Does whatever a garbage can! Spins some garbage, any time! Catches flies just in time...

FWG: You want some bacon? There's tons.

Steve-o: No, man. Look how many sausages I got. Have some sausages.

FWG: I'll trade you a couple strips of bacon for a sausage.

Steve-o: I'm down with that. Spatula Man! Spatula Man! Lives inside a spatula can! He's a man! Spatula Man...!

FWG: Is that in the musical?

Steve-o: No way. Hitler hated spatulas.

FWG: Really? Why? They're white.

Steve-o: Not in Germany, Dude. Do your homework.

FWG: Oh.

Steve-o: Spatula Girl! Spatula Girl! Does whatever a spatula would! She's a spat! She's a tula! Spatula Girl! Spatula Girl! Look out! Here comes The Spatula Girl...! The sausages are done. You want me to put the bacon in this pan?

FWG: That pan's too small.

Steve-o: I usually cut the bacon in half.

FWG: You'd only fit four halves.

Steve-o: Whatever. Start a new pan then. It's not like we don't have a dozen of them.

FWG: Oh sure! You're free and easy with the frying pans when it's my turn to do the dishes!

Steve-o: Frying Pan! Frying Pan! Friendly neighborhood Frying Pan...!

FWG: I'll use that one when your done with the pancakes.

Steve-o: Where'll you do the eggs then? In the little one?

FWG: Sure, why not? Or maybe I'll put them all in-

Steve-o: OHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

FWG: WHAT?

Steve-o: AGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!! FUCK!!!

FWG: Jesus! What's wrong! Did you burn yourself!

Steve-o: I'm supposed to be at work today!

FWG: It's Saturday. You're working today?

Steve-o: I was supposed to run a training session at ten o'clock! I can't believe I forgot!

FWG: Oh man. It's ten-thirty. You're not gonna make it.

Steve-o: Not without a flux capacitor. SHIT! I gotta roll, dude. Enjoy the breakfast!


(I did.)

FWG

3 comments:

Kathleen said...

OMG, STEVE-O is hilarious. Two posts in a row you make me laugh out loud. A LOT.

Flumadiddle said...

You should videotape stuff like this. It's too funny not to. You owe it to mankind.

ylfwwlew - my thoughts exactly!

Fantasy Writer Guy said...

Yes. High-larious indeed. Some prefer such terms as 'insane', 'cracked' or 'demented' but sure. 'Hilarious' will do in a pinch.