Thursday, March 01, 2007

Ribbon Cam Pains

Ever find yourself driving down the road behind a car on which no stickers bearing a coloured ribbon are present? Not too often, right?

I find this proliferation of ribbons a little odd. One - because it seems incongruent to at once celebrate anonymity by brazenly cutting off the motorist beside you while simultaneously assuming he could give a flying care what your particular 'causes' are.

Two - because you can't get close enough to read the text esplaining what the 'cause' is without a little rear-end action (of the motor-vehicular type).

Also - why on earth is it always a ribbon? What's wrong with bowes? Or other shapes? A peanut-shape perhaps? Or - um - I don't know. I'm fresh out of shape ideas.

I've become curious what all these causes are so I did a little research. Are you curious also? Well let me save you the trouble. Here are the results of my study - Oh - by the way. I realize I spelled 'explaining' wrong but I decided to leave it. It sounds like a homage to Desi Arnez and lets face it. Desi doesn't receive homages very often. It would be a shame to take this one away, accidental or not, so I left it.

Oh Lucy... you got some 'splaining to do...

Black ribbon
Melanoma Awareness

Blue ribbon
Support Christian Rock

Baby blue ribbon
End School Violence

Florescent blue ribbon
Stop Hating Leonardo DiCaprio

Light blue ribbon
Support Microsoft/Free Market Technology

Light blue ribbon (upside down)
Save Software Market from Microsoft Monopoly

Blue and orange ribbon
Child Abuse Prevention

Blue and white ribbon
Remember Columbine High School

Blue ribbon with grey sphere
Save Pluto. From what, I've no idea.

Blue and yellow ribbon
Remember TWA flight 800 July '96

Metallic gold ribbon
Childhood Cancer Awareness

Green ribbon
Leukemia Awareness

Avocado ribbon
Ban Stupid Avocado Ribbons Campaign

Forest green ribbon
Fight Ovarian Cancer

Mint green ribbon
"Triumph over Tragedy" Awareness of abuse.

Dark grey ribbon
Be nice to newbies campaign

Silver grey ribbon
Fight Diabetes

Orange ribbon
Families with Imprisoned Loved Ones

Ecru ribbon
Free Speech

Lavender ribbon
Celebrate Ecru Ribbons. Naturally they wanted to use ecru ribbons but those goddam free-speechers got to it first.

Pink ribbon
Fibromyalgia awareness - also known as Fibro-my-ass by intolerant husbands who think their
'suffering' wives are just being lazy.

Purple ribbon
Pancreatic Cancer Research

Florescent purple ribbon
Support anti-gravity/flying pigs

Violet ribbon
Artists Against Racism

Purple and yellow ribbon
Chemical Injury Awareness

Red ribbon
M.A.D.D. (Mothers Against Drunk Driving) - displayed mostly on the vehicles of drunk drivers who are hoping to avoid suspicion

Blood red ribbon
Multiple Myeloma Awareness

Red-orange ribbon
Aids Awareness

Red, green and gold ribbon
FWG's Support the Phrase 'Ta-da!' Campaign

Red, white and blue ribbon (stars and stripes)
Memorial to American victims of terrorism/Never forget 9-11

White ribbon
Pro-life campaign

White ribbon with black spots
Cow Appreciation

Yellow ribbon
Banana Eagle Awareness. I confess. I wasn't aware.

Florescent yellow ribbon
Free Terri Martin. I hate to be crass but who the hell is Terri Martin?

Yellow ribbon with red maple leaf
Support Canada's Troops in Afghanistan. That's right, my Southern friends! Canada actually has an army! And the next time one of those pea-brained Bush-brainwashees is tempted to ask me why Canada is "not against the terrorists" they'd damn well better think twice because my patience for that kind of braindead crap ran dry when Canadian boys started getting killed over there. 'Nuff said about that.


Kathleen said...

I can't figure out if you made those up or not.

So, you had patience for the war as long as it was only Americans getting killed? Just asking.

Fantasy Writer Guy said...

Kats, I only made up two. The rest exist (on the internet anyways)though some of them are cleary a joke more or less.

Hey - I'm never comfortable with war or with Americans dying. That's not what I said. Canadians were killed in the World Trade Centre and Canadians rushed people, money and supplies into NY immediately, and our troops went to Afghanistan to fight on the same side as American troops. And yet some of my business contacts from the States had the nerve to ask me why Canada was siding with the terrorists. That's brutal and it's those comments that I maintained patience for. The patience for certain people's ignorance. But when we're giving up people's lives for the cause - just as America is - just stop asking who's side we're on. That's all I ask.

Is that fair?

Babs Gladhand said...

How about a spleen shape? Spleens are always fun.

I think Pluto needs saving from Mickey Mouse. That Mickey's a randy little cuss.

So, where do we buy the Ta Da! ribbons? And are you going to screw us on the price? 'Cause if so, I'm going to have to come up with a pink and purple polka-dotted "Getting screwed on ribbon prices awareness" ribbon.

Kathleen said...

Sorry, that came out wrong. I knew what you meant and I haven't had any patience for the wars since day one. Our president is an idiot and I'm just sorry to the world that he's caused such a huge mess and loss of so many lives, not just Americans and Canadians, but Iraqis and Afghanis and everybody else. But what does he care? He does have the sense God gave a tree.

Fantasy Writer Guy said...

Tree. Bush. Same thing.

This is a subject I should never have brought up. There's so much guilt and irresponsible news coverage and delusional nationalistic pride... Misinformation, spin, hidden agendas, purple coolade, people running with scissors, dogs running with cats...

Here's what I know (without going into long dissertations of why):

The difference between Canadians and Americans is precisely nil.

Nations don't even exist accept as the monetary playthings of the rich and powerful (sounds bizarre but I know its true).

Canada (if you believe that nations exist) bears all the guilt that America does for it's bullying. We reap all the economic reward while usually keeping the blood off our hands and our reputation intact - which is just plain dirty.

A demonic dimwit by the name of Harper stole power here just as Bush stole it there.

And that's all I can say for now. Got places to run too...

Fantasy Writer Guy said...

Okay. I'm back from places ran too. Only I didn't run. I sauntered more or less.

Ah, Babs, the voice of reason. Come to save this gaff of a posting from spiralling further downward.

But first off -- I think we're confusing two different plutos.

The Ta-do campaign - is only just getting started. And ribbons are out. They shall be red, green and gold spleens because of course you're correct. Spleens are the bomb. The quintessential barrel of frivolity and hilarity. It's true.

But how you divide a spleen into red gold and green remains to be seen. Oh crap. I'm turning into Dr Seuss ageen. Either way they'll be freen. I mean - free. Yeesh.