Thursday, March 08, 2007

A compendium of Steve-o

More random quotes from the roommate. People with any decency or self-respect may wish to skip this post. For us degenerates - keep in mind that text in italics were sang, not spoken.

Oh say can you see
That the Oilers are shitty
What so proudly they suck
Why do people like them so much?

You know what the best part of waking up is? It’s Folgers in your cup, dammit.

Peanut butter and marmalade. Peanut butter and marmalade. Peana-peana butta-butta peanabutta marma-marma peada-bu-bu-ma-ma-butta-peana-ma-ma… [Editor’s note: I’m sorry. I can’t go on with this one.]

You know where that show ‘Bananas in Pajamas’ came from? Some guy woke up with a woody and his daughter said “What’s that?” and he said “Oh, that’s just a banana in my pajamas” and she told all her friends and angry parents were calling him up saying “What the hell’s this I’m hearing about this pajama banana business!” and he said “Oh! Oh – it’s just a TV show I’m working on!” so then he had to make the TV show. I’ll bet you anything that’s exactly what happened.

When you go to the deli, ask if they have any special diet kielbasa. Just say, “Hey, do you have any kielbasa that won’t go to my hips but will go to my wang instead? I want it to be huge. I want to hear a thud when I whip it out. I want something that’ll cripple your mother. I want to shoot brick walls down. You got something like that? You want to check in the back maybe?

Jimmy cracked corn and I don’t care,
Jimmy cracked corn and I don’t care,
Jimmy cracked corn and I don’t care,
I’ll kick him in the nuts.

Okay, How did these tampons get in my shopping basket?

Jimmy likes porn and I don’t care,
Jimmy likes porn and I don’t care,
Jimmy likes porn and I don’t care,
As long as he keeps his little hands off my fetish collection.

Roll it around on your tongue and tell me – how sour is my cream?

Don’t ever walk into a silversmith’s shop with a jar full of silverfish and ask him to melt them down and make a ring for you. They just look at you funny.

The preceding sentiments are not necessarily shared. Period.


Anonymous said...


Kathleen said...

Hard to like the Oilers since they traded Ryan Smyth. Hell, is there anybody left on that team that I like?

I need a new team since my beloved Red Wings gooned up and got the good of all goons, Bertuzzi. Any recommendations? Toronto is not in the running.

Fantasy Writer Guy said...

Hm. Oilers. Well - I'm still partial to Petr Sykora and Steve Staios but only because they're on my Strato team. Go Tabaqueros! Mind you they're both 3rd liners and I'll probably put Staios on waivers in the off-season. If they don't do it for you I think Charlie Huddy's on the coaching staff! Gotta love ol' Charlie! Or - speaking of coaches - if you're into the whole ex-convict 'Helmetless Wonder' mystique - there's always MacTavish!

But if you really need a surogate for a while I propose you go with one of the two teams Leaf fans hate! Ottawa or Montreal! Personally I'd go with the Habs. Your heart has to go out to a team saddled with a two-bit floater like Kovalev. Besides they're small and fast and just plain cuddly!


Kathleen said...

I can't root for Montreal, it's like rooting for the Yankees. I love Ottawa, so that's a possibility, but they always depress me in the playoffs.

MacTavish was a goon? I never thought of him that way. The fact that anybody gave Rick Tocchet a job coaching was mind-boggling to me. What's he going to teach young hockey players? The best way to apply a knee-on-knee hit?

Babs Gladhand said...

I think Steve-o is dead on with his Bananas in Pajamas reasoning. It's the only way anyone could have come up with the concept.

Fantasy Writer Guy said...

Yeah, well... even a broken clock gets the time right twice a day.