Thursday, April 19, 2007

Ask FWG, not Jeeves - 2nd edition

I think this went over well last time. Let’s answer some more questions for the good folk who inadvertently googled their way to this web site, shall we?

1. pianos mavis eglinton
Well – I know there’s a Dollar n’ Value store at Mavis and Eglinton but I think they only sell tiny miniature pianos – suitable for 12-inch pianists.

2. canadarm taking off
1. Fully extend arm away from space shuttle.
2. Remove bolts E and F using hex wrench provided.
3. Pull Canadarm socket housing away from shuttle wall.
4. Plug holes E and F with chewing gum to prevent precious oxygen from leaking into space. Or if Dutch, use your fingers.

3. caesar salad boston pizza food poisoning
This will certainly work but there are easier methods. Try licking the floor at No Frills or French-kissing a turtle.

4. how much do you need to pass a written g1 test
Let’s add it up, shall we?
Ontario Driver’s Handbook…$5
Test Fee……………………..$10
Provincial tax……………….$0.7
Blue flex-grip pen…………..$1
Crashing into a lamp post causing road-test inspector to poke his eye out with his own pencil……..priceless.

5. where to give G1 written test in Mississauga
5555 Eglinton Avenue. Ask for Jason. He’s nice.

6. oakville G2 drive test track
Sorry. I don’t know Oakville. Any town that re-elects Bob Runciman, slimiest filthiest sub-human politician since Hitler is a place to be terrified of and to keep the hell away from at all costs.

7. G1 test Ontario
Look, I’m not answering any more questions about G1 or G2 tests so just knock it off.

8. MTO drive test center brampton G1 road test route
What did I JUST SAY?

9. g2 driver license exam Ottawa
Stop it, people. I’m not kidding.

10. exercises for G1 written test for drivers in Canada
STOP IT! STOP IT! For the love of god, you’re killing me!

11. ontario g1 test cheats
(I’m not listening I’m not listening I’m not listening…)

12. poem when mother tacked a confort to the door
What the-? Well, okay. I’ll give it a try…

There are just three things I vehemently deplore,
Which I pray should plague my doorstep nevermore.
One is wondering what has washed ashore;
Two’s to do with sisters named Gabor.
But the occasion I most stridently abhor,
Is when mother tacks a confort to the door.

13. god of war 2 cheats codes soluces usa
What is that? A video game? Look, we don’t use words like soluces around here. What kind of place do you think we’re running here? Oh, and no more ‘confort’ either.

14. sylvie ruel
Who’s asking? Is that you, Reliance-home-comfort? You little turdburgers! Stop mailing me! I swear, don’t make me come over there.

15. chinese apetizer with herbs and spices
What is Kung Foo Noodles. Things you slurp into your mouth for 200, Alex!

The information provided above is in no way expected to be useful. The author bears no responsibility, financial or otherwise, for any manifestations of the use or misuse of the above counsel, including but not limited to: financial loss; obesity; hemorrhoids; noodlephobia; pinworm; OCD; cauliflower ear; identity theft; saddle-ass; runny nose, mass hysteria or Tourette Syndrome.


Anonymous said...

You forgot food poisoning from the disclaimer :) Love your work.

Anonymous said...

hee! funny funny!

and often do the blogger people recycle the word verification letters? I could have sworn I have seen this batch before...

Kathleen said...

Funny, very funny. And a clear indication that you are not the only person in Ontario stumped by the G1 & G2 driver classifications.

Dr. Brainiac said...

Everso fun to figure out how people get to our blogs, idnit? Some interesting recent entries of mine include: PhD student cartoon, craigslist wichita falls kill 'em all, global Jill-off, and big vagina.

Ybsditk. It's not just for breakfast anymore.

DirkStar said...


Good blog you have here!

Keep up the fine work.

Dr. Brainiac said...

Pssst...don't look now but I tagged you for a Thinking Blogger Award. You can get your button

Dang...I think I need to water the fzxma. I don't think it's supposed to droop like that.

Fantasy Writer Guy said...

Mark: Excelent point! I shall send all further drafts to you for final editing before posting!

Supermom: Sometimes the aliens repeat themselves. They're very old you know. Having travelled all the way from Andromeda or Magellan they'd have to be.

Kats: I just want to forget about all that crap and feel like a normal person again! Let's not mention it again...

Doc: Global Jill-off! Is that what I think it means? Wow. That's a feather in your cap for sure. 'cowboy coffee kamloops jesus' is the best I got so far.

Thank you all for your kind words of encouragement!

Dr. Brainiac said...

Yes, FWG, it means what you think it means. The organizers of Global Orgasm Day take a unique perspective for promoting world peace through worldwide simultaneous masturbation. After all, how can one consider violence with a handful of self-love? In 2006 it was December 22 - Day 1 of my blog.

They came in peace...

Time to wash the dskhlli.