Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Ho hum. What to post...

It's the lunch hour. I need a distraction. I've been working and blinking all morning. And cursing. Working, blinking, cursing and sticking my finger in my eye. I've got something in my eye and it's a killer. It stings. Been trying all morning to find it and extract it. No luck. My eye is as red as... as... (Come on, FWG - you call yourself a writer? Red as what?) Red as... red as... I don't know. Firetrucks; hellfire; my bank account - take your pick. I'm posting for the hell of it. I really have nothing to say.

My little desk friends are looking at me. They feel very sorry for me and my red eye. Here - I'll introduce you:

Meet (left to right) R2D3, Halooza Diamondswinger and Bobble Brian Fantana. Deskfriends, meet the good people of Blogland. Okay. There you go. Networking. Don't you love it?

R2D3 has whipped out all her R2 gadgets for the occasion. She loves to ham it up for the camera. Halooza is the one with the blue smartie in her right hand. She never goes anywhere without it. And Brian - well - we're not really getting along at the moment. He's really pissed that I don't remember him from the Anchorman movie. What can I say? I don't remember him. I'm not going to lie.

Here's an email chain from this morning. I'm really sorry for all the vulgar language. I really need to cut back on that, I know:

From: FWG
Sent: Tuesday, April 10, 2007 10:52 AM
To: Steve-o
Subject: my fucking eye

Why'd you have to drive today you $#&%^#$ ^U%#&%$ Maltese #$^%*#&^$*^%$er? I'd go to the fucking doctor if I could!!


Jr. Client Information Analyst
Mosaic Sales Solutions Canada

From: Steve-o
Sent: Tuesday, April 10, 2007 10:53 AM


Subject: RE: my fucking eye

want me to take you to the house at lunch? I may have to work late tonight, or go home early.

From: FWG
Sent: Tuesday, April 10, 2007 10:54 AM
To: Steve-o
Subject: RE: my fucking eye

No. Fuck off.

Okay. I'm done. You can go now. Thanks for coming by!


Dave said...

Sheesh, miserable much? Maybe what's bothering your eye is that it's being poked by that long, sharp stick that seems to be planted firmly in your ass. The guy gives you a ride and you rag on him. Maybe your blood sugar is low. You need some cinnamon buns. Which brings me back to your "red as" simile quest. How about "red as red velvet cake"? Copy & paste this and see:
Ya, you guessed it. I'm gonna make one of these bad boys. My goal is to make everyone think they have blood in their stool.
solxajk for everyone!

Fantasy Writer Guy said...

That's some good cake. The trick is to use lots of ground cinnamon hearts, safron and cayenne pepper.

Serve with strawberry milk obviously. Oh - and throw some of that cayenne pepper in your eye so you can see how I feel, you bitch!

Ben O. said...

Very Interesting (spoken in that cool fake German accent).

Ben O.

Dave said...

Nothing like that in the cake at all. It's made with 2 ounces (YIKES) of red food colouring. Ya, that's right 2 freaking ounces! You know...the stuff that normally takes about 2 or 3 drops to make something red. Very scary.
Don't you guys have an eye wash bottle in a first aid kit there? Hmm...or maybe y'all gots the pinkeye. Oooh, dat nasty!
Could be worse...you could have mqtqsr.

AliKatt said...

Brian Fantana was my favorite in Anchorman. . .