Thursday, April 26, 2007

You know what I don't understand?

I long ago promised myself that any time anyone said to me these words: “You know what I don’t understand -” I would immediately interject with, “Why they never made a Die Hard 4?”

I have no recollection on how many occasions – if any – I actually used this gut-busting bit of comedy.

It’s funny, you see, because it’s an inversion. Why would one not understand the passing on a fourth Die Hard film when the reasons are so plentiful and obvious? Chief among them:

1. Die Hard 2 set new records for absolute movie suckdom and should have marked the end of the Die Hard enterprise.

2. Die Hard 3 raised the bar of all-time movie suckdom higher still – clearly ensuring the end of the Die Hard enterprise (or so we thought).

3. Bruce Willis, stud that he perhaps once was, is by now surely much too long in the tooth to remain foremost on the ladies’ minds on the occasions they sneak the cucumber out of the fridge at night.

Someone now tells me that they are indeed finally crafting a Die Hard 4. I haven’t yet established if this is true or if I’m the victim of a practical joke but to be safe I’d better start working on a new witty interjection for the next time someone says, “You know what I don’t understand -”

Any suggestions – I’m all ears.

By the way. I never doctored the picture. Honestly.

All right, I doctored the picture.



Kathleen said...

I can proudly state that I have never seen even a second of any of the Die Hard movies, and you don't make me want to run out to Blockbuster to add them to my movie watching list.

I totally couldn't tell that picture was doctored. You did a masterful job.

Fantasy Writer Guy said...

Gosh thanks. Though DH1 was a pointless action movie I did enjoy it. In fact I've seen it twice and would likely watch it again at some point. But the sequels were just shallow knock-offs. Anyone who went out of their way to see DH3 at the theatre was either deeply confused or horny for Bruce.