Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Sargeant Steve-o's Lonely Hearts Club Band

More recent random utterances from the roommate if you can handle it. He's flying off to Calgary on business for a couple days which promises a little peace and quiet but, alas, I have lacrosse and then SHL (strat-o-matic) playoffs the next two nights so the opportunity is lost. At least the houseplants can enjoy some peace and quiet. As always - text in italics were sang; words in normal text were spoken:


Hey laundry monkey! Go iron my shirts! I want them neatly pressed – and no playing with yourself!

Rainbows, lollipops and
Something and other things and
Rainbows…


We need more advertising in books. Like – “The heroine was walking through the forest and came upon a Snickers bar – made of nougatty sweet goodness that really satisfies. He ate the Snickers bar and got a huge chubby and he used it to beat the bad wolf to death.”

I’m drunk and I wanna punch someone in the teeth. I wanna punch someone right in his flabby man-tits.

I smell something burning.
Burn burn burn burn burn burn.
Smoke’s coming from the oven
Burn burn burn burn burn burn.
Smoky smoky dinner is burning
Burn burn burn burn burn burn.
Now everything’s falling out of the freezer.
Burn burn burn burn burn burn.
‘Cause the peameal bacon’s so slippery.
Burn burn burn burn burn burn.
Now it’s all put back and the freezer is a death-trap
Burn burn burn burn burn burn.

When are they gonna outlaw naked monkeys on TV?

Look at this bee on your windshield wiper. It’s trying to fornicate with your truck. It thinks you’re the queen bee... No, don’t blow the horn. It’ll just make him more horny.

Sunday, Monday, Littlest Hobo. Tuesday, Wednesday, Littlest Hobo.. These days are our-our-our-our-ours, these Littlest Hobos...

Hush little baby. Don’t say a word. Mama’s gonna buy you a smiling turd.

How funky is your chicken? No, really. How funky is your chicken? How loose is your goose?


2 comments:

I think you're crazy just like me said...

You are living with a weirdo ;)

Here's to silence!

Kathleen said...

I'm so thankful I live alone.