Saturday, April 07, 2007

Ask FWG, not Jeeves

It amuses me now and then to see what sort of search strings people have googled that led them to finding this web site. The providers of the site counter software publish this kind of reporting. I'm now stealing a page from the playbook of the most excellent unholy Flumadiddle (sorry Babs!) and providing the answers to the questions that unwittingly led folks here. It's the least I can do. But check out Flumadiddle's Desperately Seeking article to enjoy the true master at work. It's a hoot!

1. chevy silverado rumbling noise
It’s nothing to worry about. It just means your truck is about to explode. This is what you get for buying a vehicle from a bunch of creepy white-supremacists. No one will miss you when you’re dead.

2. cheats for "The Vision Test" presented by hall pass
Don’t bother. You won’t prosper.

3. fantasy writer guy
That’s my name. Don’t wear it out.

4. dollar'n'value
It’s a store at Eglinton and Mavis in Mississauga, Ontario. Every single item in the store either A) costs a dollar – or B) costs some amount other than a dollar. Kind of like every other store in existence. While there – why not pick up some FWG bedroom candles? They make great Chanuka gifts.

5. oink moo cock-a-doodle-doo barbecue sauce
Try aisle 5 – Should be right next to the HeeHaw-Ribbit donkeyfrog sauce.

6. sylvie ruel streetsville
Who the hell knows? I’m looking for her too. Join the club.

7. "This is our philosophy" "this is our purpose"
This is our knees. This is our toes. This is our eyesearsmouthandnose.

8. buy gibby's salad dressing montreal
Yes! By all means! And pick up a couple jars for me while you’re at it! I loves the Gibby’s salad dressing!

9. crazy for marma glaze
Well I guess you’d have to be, wouldn’t you?

10. cadbury and wonderbars
I’ll tell you one time: Wunderbar. With a ‘U’. Get your shit together.

Yes. That’s the correct address. Next time just type it straight into your browser’s address bar and skip the middle man.

12. Philippe Yostos
He was a merry old soul, he was. He had a pipe and a something-er-other and three fiddlers and – oh wait. That’s old King Cole, not Philippe Yostos. Never mind. You stumped me.

13. cowboy coffee kamloops jesus
Krazy brand. That’s right. When in Kamloops, Jesus drinks Krazy brand cowboy coffee, ground fresh by real Kamloopian mountain cowboys. Because nobody grinds like a mountain cowboy.

14. wedding speechers
Yeah. Um. You might want to go back and take your grade-one speeching over again and then try your search again.

15. birthday "couldn't ask for a better brother" but i think mom's too old
Dear brother: Stop googling everything I say or do in order to find my blog! Just bookmark the bloody address already!

16. streetsville crazy people
Please refine your search. All people in Streetsville are crazy.

17. where is xiphisternum
Should be about 16 inches north of your naughty bits.

The information provided above is correct to the best of the author’s knowledge at the time of this release. The author bears no responsibility, financial or otherwise, for any manifestations of the use or misuse of the above counsel, including but not limited to: financial loss; hair loss; spontaneous combustion; spontaneous orgasm; jet lag; alien abduction; death; near-death; rigor mortis; split ends; anal fissures; potato blight; bubonic plague; binge shopping or thermonuclear inversion.


Anonymous said...

Hi...thought you were talking about an article Babs wrote along the lines of gems found in these:

And sorry I do NOT know how to get the links to work in the comments, so if you are brave enough to look at the naughty link WITH NO GRANNIES AND KIDS nearby to see the uh..images...then copy and paste. I thought OMG she DID NOT WRITE ON THAT did she?

Anyhoo I hope I didn't upset anyone...its a pretty popular blog and some of us find it friggen hilarious.

Anonymous said...

No 16 had me laughing out loud but I think it was a compound effect preemptively caused by no's 1 through 15 :)

Sarah said...

Ha! That's me!

Every once in a while I do a post like this, and there are ALWAYS always people who are trying to find out about botulism and whether it is OK to eat from dented soup cans. Ew! No! And since I wrote about how I hated the Chevy ad too... apparently everyone else who hated it finds me too!

Fantasy Writer Guy said...

Supermom: Interesting link. Especially if you like to make fun of strange men's genitalia...

Sarah: Ah! The chevy ad! I think that's how I found you! Thanks for the tip on the dented cans - oh - I need your professional opinion: should I open my soup with a standard opener or the newfangled sideways kind that carves the entire top off, rim and all? Despite the hype I'm resistant to the whole de-rimmer concept. Thanks!!