Saturday, August 10, 2019

D is for Defeat

I pick up Grandpa Munster and take him out for coffee. He seems to have given up shaving for good now. More significantly he has given up thinking that Detective Biff or the Faux Counsellor will ever let him graduate from his 810 supervision orders. He has come to peace with that, and the fact that he will never fight these renewals in court even though he can’t lose. No judge would ever support the ongoing renewal of these temporary orders under Gramps’ condition but that doesn’t matter. He is too intimidated to stand up to those who he views as his oppressors, and is afraid they will lie to get their way and that the judge will believe them and not he.

I am actually fine with this. I think it’s the best outcome. The orders do not get in the way of the ersatz lifestyle he is saddled with. It just means he will have to continue with the faux counselling sessions every week or two even though he finds it unpleasant and sometimes predatory.

It’s better than life behind bars, which at one time was a likely fate.

It’s good to finally put this behind us and move on.

Friday, August 09, 2019

C is for Combustion

LTC (Long Time Companion) does not cook much, and in his improved state of health he has been working very hard at renovations to his former rental house he intends to sell (or maybe rent out again?). The kitchen at his home-home has become more of a construction office. And it was there that he unloaded an armful of boxed light-fixtures onto the stove top.

Later he fed his dogs their meds encased in cheese and left the wrapper beside the stove top. It's a gas stove. Some of you may already see where this is going.

He left the house. One or both dogs would have immediately went for the cheese wrapper. Whether they succeeded or not they did succeed in knocking a stove dial into the on range.

The boxes would have gone up in flames immediately; kitchen cupboards soon following.

When it was done the house looked like something from a horror movie. I tried not to look in any direction I didn’t have to but I had to see where I was going. The flames had been contained to the first floor but the smoke was devastating at level two. Sadly the four-year-old dobie was terrified of the smoke alarm and had fled to that second floor. The younger dog was very clever; went to the only open window (cracked about 4 inches), stuck her nose through and survived. God knows what went through her mind.

LTC got a phone call and rushed home to find firemen working on the poor boy-dog, with oxygen mask and CPR. They couldn’t save him.

LTC is doing very well, all things considered. Some of his friends have reached out to me for updates and advice. I have suggested we try to keep him a little busy over the next six to eight months, while he lives at the rental with the surviving pup. Distraction is his best coping tool and it is too late in life I think, given his particular hurdles, to try to teach him other ways.

So a week after the fire we got together for a game night with some of his finest pals at the home of Uncensored Family where teens, mom, ex-boyfriend, grandma, LTC and myself had a good time with my Red Herring game - and not the family-friendly edition either. We aim to make a monthly habit of it.

Love you Halo.

Tuesday, August 06, 2019

B is for Brocrastination

Okay that was a cheat. But B is for bed-ridden, blurry-eyed and.... Bengals.

Bengals as in Bengal tigers - as in the Jr. B lacrosse team that landed in the middle of my life about the time I disappeared from blog world, and swept me away.

An old pal - we'll call him - LaxMasterMind has quietly become an internationally elite lacrosse GM and coach in the fifteen years since we were associates with the Chiefs Jr A team. Oh wait - I blogged about this two years ago.

Long story short: I was dragged out of my Total Lacrosse Retreat by LMM with the news of a local Jr B team which he was basically running and which I did not even know about (this community has spawned previous junior lacrosse enterprises over the years which emigrated to nearby communities). I saw a game, was amazed at the new elevated caliber of Jr B lacrosse, felt inspired to write about it, but was at a complete loss how to do so. One: I have changed so much in the intervening years and competition, winning and losing have become so very uninspiring compared to such higher-evolved things - like creativity for instance, and generosity, which are for me important elements of lacrosse. And two: I was no longer an insider. I knew nothing of the current lacrosse community and its peoples. How would I write as an outsider?

Fast forward April 2019 and LMM speaks up again: the team is looking to fill new exec positions including Director Marketing and Media Relations. I seize on that one. It's my way back in. I take it on faith that I will find a way to write about it. And god knows I should have the time for it given the 101 important projects I've been blissfully ignoring (B is for blissful ignorance).

"I'll be your director media marketing," I type back after literally about 20 seconds of deliberation. I was intentionally bold. Take it or leave it.

He took it.

The task I took on for myself; the goal, is enormously ambitious. The work I cut out for myself is potentially endless. And I admit I don't know how to accomplish the goal, if indeed it's possible. But I trust in finding useful components and pursuing them on faith that they will be part of the final solution. More on all this some other time.

Was I crazy to take this on given I can't keep up with anything currently? Here's my weird rationalization: To take on a world of work which is unlike most of my current work in that there are tight schedules and outside stakeholders, which means I will be properly motivated to Get It Done, which may be just the thing to re-teach me a proper work ethic. When the season ends in a few months I can move my new work ethic and apply it to my own works.

Well that time is now.

So I'm back.

I say that I am here to stay. Fingers crossed.

And by here I mean blog world, yes, but I mean much more. I want to really be here. Being present again. Being productive. Making a difference. Being the person I should be instead of the loser I have been for the last year and a half.

This morning I arose after 6 hours of sleep (not bad! though sleep remains a critical Needs Improvement Area) picked up Chess Champ, met up with The Healer, journeyed to Station One former fire-house turned cafe and there met Sweetproserpina and the Ponderer for a joyful write-in. Here I am. The Ponderer's partner is beating her cancer. The Healer's mate has finally become employed again by a college where I worked for awhile. And Chess Champ has finally released some writing to the semi-public sphere. A big step. I really look forward to finally giving him a read. Given sleep and eye problems I have not really read for this year and a half. Another Needs Improvement Area.

Continuous improvement. Every day. Am I back? It would be nice if I were back.

Love Fwig