Not the Steve-o

Random quotes, without context, recently spoken (or sang) in my presence:



I always prefer the Bob Dylan performances where he remembers to bring his consonants.

I bet she's got a nice little toaster oven.


I sleep good. I have one-two beers and sleep like monkey.


Oh, I like the usual girl things. Hop scotch, dress-up dolls. Getting my patch pounded every Friday night.


Incense peckermints la la la la. Incense peckermints la la la la.


I like to start my day with the newspaper and a bowl of bran flakes. Then I spend the rest of the day just hoping for a good BM.


Beauty is only skin deep. Ugly goes right to the bone.



Oh no! My moustache is on the floor and it's running away!


What a country eh? Where even the poor can be decadent.


Royal Meats? What kind of place is that? Ah, yes I'll have the Prince Andrew on toast please. But leave out the stringy bits.

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Hi, this is Matt Leblanc reminding you to cover and cough. Don't let the godless Russians - I mean - flu virus - destroy the human race.

Not the Steve-o

Snippets that people have said aloud in my presence. I leave the contexts to your imagination.

The popping days are over.

My parents have money. They just choose to live like trailer trash.

I don't know why seniors get discounts. They're the only ones in this society with any money.

Well, technically, she's a MILF.

They're messing with the eco-system of my head.

Has anyone seen my other end?

I haven't rented any good cheese in a while.

Is that a cigar in your pocket?

Those goddam Arabs got more money than brains.

So, you getting any action since you dumped the dry-humper?

I just can't connect with wood.

The Newfounese have not invented wine yet.

[Editor's note: FWG personally has nothing against Arabs or Newfounese (also known as Newfoundlanders) or any other illusionary tribal category.]