WALK AWAY FROM THIS POST

If you know me in real life this post is not for you. Be a mature adult, take my warning and just go away and forget about it.

For those who don’t know me, it’s W-Day:

Weary, withering, wasted…

The wonderful, worldly, we-oriented, World Citizen has whisked these words along from the west coast:

Wake up! 

And it is magically, hilariously, precisely relevant. I am absolutely one atom away from being asleep right now. My brain is a wreck. Just coming up with the above alliteration has drained me for the day. After an almost-week of mildly less then normal sleep performance I have spent a couple days doing almost nothing but sleeping, and yet in the few-hour segments in between epic naps I remain dead tired.

I will catch up on the V column one fine day when I can almost-function again. For now I take this critical W assignment and give it a quick hatchet job as best I can. Ready?

Environmentally you could say there are two kinds of people in the world; those who are apparently ignorant or uncaring with regards to the “planet” and the future of humanity, and those who appear to care but are deluded as to the reality of the situation.

Many of the nicest people I know are online getting all romantic about the environment and how it is getting a much needed break from us. And some jump to the absurd notion that we are starting to wake up! (and smell the coffee environmentally)

It is the death of all hope if the people we count on to lead us to salvation have no idea what they’re doing.

For countless reasons, over and over through decades, thousands have said "People are finally waking up!" No we are not. At best, precious minorities of people have woken from deeply deluded dreams into slightly less deluded dreams. In general we are more asleep than ever and falling into impossible traps to escape from. The very best and very worst case scenarios for Covid-19 are the same scenario: That the human population, beautiful, pitiable and perfectly insane, will be drastically alarmingly reduced.

Have I lost the last reader now? Good. ‘Cause no one will want to read this:

These messages I hear about how great it is that mother nature is getting a well deserved rest is precisely this:

A Nazi shoots a machine gun into a crowd of prisoners as they gradually tumble to their deaths. But then he throws the machine gun to the ground, pulls out a hand gun and begins killing them one bullet at a time. And one well-meaning stander-by says “Ah, how great they’re getting a well-deserved rest.”

I can’t seem to find another human being who actually understands how causality works (they all think they do) or another human being who understands the complex components, system and fragile configurations of the biosphere, which humans, even at this moment, are systematically dismantling it at an utterly unfathomable speed by any realistic cosmic context.

Am I going to do anything about it? Of course not. But I’m also not going to hide from the truth. And I’m not going to hide from the truth because I have a relationship with truth which no other human I know appears to have. (Tolle does, by the way). As for the biosphere’s plight; I am useless. Group one above is also useless as is group two.

Am I angry about this? No. But sometimes I am frustrated because communication with other people about the core dramas of our reality is fucking impossible and there is a kind of loneliness there which sometimes frustrates me. A lot of that frustration is aimed back at myself: for why have I failed to teach anyone anything despite all the research I do?

Here’s a great bit of comedy: Michael Moore has released a film Planet of the Humans. I haven’t watched it yet even though, as my brother noted in an email about it, it’s right up my apparently-narrow alley.

It may be vain and foolish to assume the film will only reveal the epic load of crap I already know, such as the preposterousness of practically every mainstream green organization and the utter fallacy of “industrial green clean energy.” All industry is a bullet to the head of the biosphere, including windmill and solar panel industries. There is no escaping this reality. But I can’t help instinctively making that assumption and I don’t feel quite in the mood just yet for going down a dark ugly rabbit hole that I already know like the back of my hand. (I promise to report back once I actually view the film.)

A part of the problem is that I assume that Moore (knowing how he rolls) will get caught up in the facade and guilt of things which I don’t really care to get wrapped up in. I don’t want to point fingers. Global human insanity starts at the core of the illusion; the gap between real instinctive mind and our outrageously flawed stuttering early evolution of consciousness. And we’re all in this together.

For a long long time as I say little about this matter, sensing no will around me to hear it, I have held a vain hope that some genius would come along and tell me why I’m wrong about the simple reality of biosphere and industry and just the other night I managed to get in on a webinar regarding green economy (what a wonderful fantasy) with none other than Noam Chomsky the special guest.

This could be my big chance! To get this question to him?

But the question panel grew fast and immediately and I realized I had no chance. But half way up I found a very similar question, framed around the claims of Moore’s The Planet of Humans. I discovered that one could comment on a question though it was rarely done. So I did: “I pray this question gets up-voted. It is critical!”

Lo and behold the comment, regardless of its content, visually drew attention. And immediately people were hitting the vote button and the question gradually rose to the top and was addressed. The host completely bungled it. It was not worded perfectly and the host made it worse. Chomsky gave an awkward 3-or-4 word dismissive response.

Thanks host. Thanks humans. Thank you for being so reliably; so tirelessly useless.

But did Chomsky fully misunderstand the question? I don’t really think he could have. Why did he not try to address it better?

Could he still be in the dark, environmentally? Brainy as he is? Perhaps?

Or is it this?

Does he see the same dilemma which concerns me?

Does he feel that to communicate every truth to the masses, were it accepted, result in complete despair and disorder; chaos?

Even if climate change is largely a red herring (not for being untrue but for being ultimately irrelevant), is it a placebo in effect which might keep cold-hearted humans acting responsible because there appears to be hope?

There is another reality here, perhaps most important of all. Nothing is immortal in this universe. Not humans, not Earth. Not the sun. But our living experiences are immortal because we experience no beginning or end. We are not aware of our own birth and death. That makes for A LOT to think about.

The end is inevitable even if sadly coming way sooner than necessary (except perhaps for the lucky grandchildren of the ultimately criminal super-duper-pooper rich who have been stealing from us all and will afford trillion dollar seats on Elon’s Mars rockets maybe?) well so what?

Why not exist at or near the inevitable end? Why take it as tragedy? There is still opportunity to evolve our minds and to love and to seek survival within whatever like-minded community we arrange ourselves. And if necessary to go out not with a bang but gracefully; respectfully; lovingly.

Have I been at all coherent? I don’t know why I write this. I don’t want to stomp on people I love who have been writing so hopefully and romantically and with flawed logic. They are good people. But I do get deeply, unwisely, lonesomely frustrated sometimes. I am far from the top of my spiritual game…

Stuff to think about.  

Together

I’m noticing, over the last few days, how increased mindfulness (or wakefulness etc.) doesn’t only avail wisdom but also the simplest intelligence. I have had many meetings and social engagements lately and have been a little more on the ball and have noticed how much clearer I see the relationship dynamics without the nigglings - the wisps - of pride and paranoia twisting my perception. All these relationships look so much more joyful, beautiful and worthwhile and full of possibility through detached observation.

The word detachment seems to scare people off though. I’m talking about perception that is without these false filters of need; dependency; expectation. I find this hard to describe. For me it comes through organic trust in the lessons I have learned, first-hand, about the illusions spun by instinctive mind. For me detachment has no negative connotations. It is not about lack of love, for instance. In fact it avails so much more love.

I’m sure that Tolle or Buddhist literature would describe a different path for finding this detachment; a path or paths which I seem to have forgotten precisely. I recall these readings too dimly at the moment. For me it came through the habit of creative solitude and a bottomless fascination for truth; or more accurately it turned out, the absence of truth and the forensic study of its displacement. It is why, in my more powerful state of former years, I was strong in leveraging influence; nudging people more toward creativity, before I began faltering and eventually withdrawing, more intentionally of late.

I am reminded the advantages of clarity when one is not so self-interested in the dynamics of relationships. It is enough that we are all alive, human and imperfect together, and taking on this great drama together, as witnesses to the universe, and to our own potential as a creature of harmony; both internal and collectively.

Departing

Well, this piece got away from me… as some do. Oh well. I post it intact:

The Liaison’s funeral was not a big one. His influence manifested mostly through the wires to many locales beyond Scooterville. But I think that both his family and co-workers may have been surprised by the extent of outreach from the writing community. More than a hundred writers sent words of comfort or even flowers (and we accounted for a good third of the attendance). I was proud of sick boy’s moving speech at the event which helped to crystallize this for everyone.

His boss was a very sweet man who spoke very kindly of him. I was grateful for this brief insight into the other side of the Liaison’s life and said so later to the fellow, on the lawn, as we shook hands, both failing to hold back tears entirely. We’re likely to meet for a drink at some point.

The brother also spoke, of their childhood struggles for one thing, and it was very sincere and moving.

Then the final speaker was a soulless troglodyte named Pastor F.U. or thereabouts, who had never met the Liaison once in his life but who felt empowered to condescend to us with the usual outrageous doublethink concerning atheism versus faith and the inane ass-backwards idea that belief provides meaning in life.

I tried not to walk out. I reminded myself that I was here for the prime purpose of supporting the Liaison’s family. I thought carefully; realized I could not in any good conscience give permission to this hijacking, got up and walked out and waited in the parking lot to take my assigned passengers to the cemetery. I hoped very much that I had not caused a scene in any way; that I made no one other than the troglodyte uncomfortable. I did not want this event to be about me and my principles. Dog Whisperer, despite being an employee of a church, came to find me afterwards and issued firm support. She wanted to follow me out but her seating was trapped in essence. So that was a comfort to hear.

It can be immensely sad to reflect on the apparently-growing collective human insanity. It is not only the swiftly-deteriorating economic and environmental systems which point to impending disaster. It is the realization that almost nobody among the privileged societies which steer the world has any regard for truth, but only the addiction to the clinging to falsehoods derived from cherry-picked factoids, peddled by the world’s grotesquely-untrustworthy horde of priests, politicians and corporate-sponsored mouthpieces: whichever ones happen to peddle the particular bullshit which is most flattering, convenient or profitable to the ultimately self-serving and self-righteous listener.

We created a society wherein there is no requirement, regard or reward for truth (except in the field of science which cannot function without it - and look how the field of science is routinely maligned by the above perpetrators), a society riddled with problems which will not be solved because problems are not solved without truth.

But truth is so buried. The internet is surely 99% rubbish. And we’re so busy chasing our unfortunate addictions there is no time for the average person to unearth truth. We need specialists devoted to it. I am trying to do just that I suppose, but society does not include this in the ledger of currency nor afford a framework for accountability.

Where oh where are the people who can summon the courage to just want the truth no matter what it is? No matter how unflattering, how inconvenient, how unprofitable it might be? Are you out there? You’re certainly not in the youtube comment section; I know that.

And if you exist, where do you turn to for real news? for real authority? Where are the leaders or other powerful voices who only want to report truth without personal interest? Probably the Buddha, probably the real Jesus of Nazareth prior to being exploited and misquoted and misunderstood. Einstein of course. Likely Eckhart Tolle. Likely that dude who wrote the Four Hour Work Week! Read Tolle by the way, for goodness sake.

I’m not going to be falsely humble. I am a devoted adept of truth on my good days and frankly, even on my mediocre days. I was a self-identified Catholic who denied my tribe when I learned it untrue. I gave up my position as a climate-change denier when the truth became all-too apparent. I walked away from my sports tribes when I learned of their delusion. I have largely given up many instinctive tribal mind comforts having learned of their treachery. I even gave up my self-image as a good person, prepared to accept that I was an evil person if that was where the pursuit of truth led me - which it did - for a while. Somehow (through very fortunate circumstance) I was afforded a certain brand of courage that I can see almost nowhere else.

I wish I knew how to tell my story. I wish that people would know what I know: that the reward for this kind of courage is utterly freeing and joyful and transformative; transcending even, and that the fears which contain you will be revealed illusion! Where are the champions of truth to lead us? I appear not to have what it takes, nor where to find such a congregation.

Needs

It was perhaps ten years ago when I came to fully understand that I had only three needs.

1. Food to eat.

2. Protection from the elements.

3. Protection from predators.

The same needs as any mammal.

It seemed clear at that time that I would evermore be joyful as long as these three conditions were met. I have since succumbed to an instinctive need, illusory of course: the feeling of need toward that who I love most. Of course I must admit consciously that this (or rather a great component of it) is not actually much love from the universal perspective, even though it feels to me immense. I know that the universal love I once felt is the far more real. But enough of that for now.

I understand fully the truly recreational nature of the hundred and one needs most people think they have and which they pursue with the bulk of their energy, as I once sort-of did, though without typical vigor.

We think we need promotions, respect, wealth, safer accident-protective automobiles, handier cell-phones, someone to love and vice versa (and at times pretend to love and vice versa) at the exclusion of others, affordable hydro, job security, spiritual faith, the correct wardrobe, hope, etc…

And some might add purpose. Though purpose is a cinch. Anyone can design their own purpose. It’s not a need, but it’s pretty useful and there’s nothing to stop us from having it, other than lack of clarity; optimally an “outer purpose” (societal purpose) as Tolle would say, along with recognition of our innate inner purpose; which is to become conscious; fully human.

Here’s the terrible irony: all these illusory needs, which I realize a lot of people probably cannot easily conceive the falseness of -- both alone, and/or in combination with each other, manifest a short list of inevitable consequences in the realm of tribal disconnection, environmental devastation and social/economic erosion (which are all thoroughly related) which brings about this realization:

Pursuit of all these recreational and illusory needs is swiftly destroying:

1. Our food sources both animal and vegetable.

2. The manageability/survivability of the elements.

3. The suppression of inevitably- widespread human predators (preying on other humans).

The relentless pursuits of all the false needs are swiftly and precisely pushing all of our real needs out of reach.

acquiesce /ˌakwēˈes/

This is what I have done so much of and with so much of my time. Remained silent in the face of absurdity. Graciously letting people talk at me. And like the song Solsbury Hill, thought about cutting connections. Not with scissors but with transparency. Those who could not stand the transparency; they would feel alienation between us and they would do the cutting.

But with time my circle of associates slowly migrates, as with everyone I suppose. But my pattern is clear. I make more and more friends with more artistic and spiritual interests and lose touch with more friends whose interests are of little use to me, and thus the imperative to draw the line, or even to disappear, gradually dissipates.

It helps that I have finally found myself in a solitary employment role where I need not be constantly diplomatic with some of the direst morons in the land.

I could be optimistic like others I know (and even Eckhart Tolle) and say, whoa! Things are getting better! People are waking up! I am tempted to see it that way, but no. I must be honest. I think it is just that I, and others who are similar to me, are gradually tuning their personal circles into superior configurations. I see no evidence that the world at large is waking up.

Look at the ghastly sickening horror show going on in the United states. A man with no wisdom, very little intelligence, a lot of bestial cleverness and false bravado is gathering reams of frightened sheep to his bidding; sheep who are so afraid of the monster inside themselves that they will adore a mighty liar who assures them the monster is someone else. This is the antithesis of waking up.

Kill the pig… bash her in… build the wall… take him out…

acolyte /ˈakəˌlīt/

My blog profile blurb once read something like this: “I am a seeker, poet, counselor, […] alchemist and priest… in training.” Something like that.

And what I meant is that these are the directions I was moving and the kind of functions I was dabbling in; the pursuits which had become meaningful and applicable to me in various manners which lie rather outside the normal workings of our commercial society. And I suspect that any regular readers of this blog would get what I meant.

A friend said to me pointedly, “Have you been ordained? Because you might be misleading people here.”

I confessed I had not been ordained in terms of actual ceremony under the structures of popular religions and their recruitment of seekers of lucrative employment. Nor, for that matter had I received any organized instruction with the regards to the manufacture of gold out of lead. But I do possess notable insights into each. Regardless, the meaning was not meant to be literal.

The friend advised that I should not make any untrue claims and I took this under advisement and later (possibly for another reason) changed my profile blurb to a quote which I’d been trying to track the source of for years! I loved the quote because it seemed to speak from my very own heart and say precisely what I most cherished. And finally I discovered the source, by the way. I discovered its very genesis in multiple versions in my very own handwriting! I had loved the quote for its intimacy with my own feelings because I had written the damn thing myself! And this is not the first time I haven’t recognized my own work. I’m going to have to start copywriting my work simply to make sure I remember it’s my own!

But I digress.

Am I ordained? In the ordinary sense, of course not. For a time though, I thought some form of priesthood a wise choice of pursuits but I could not find a religion which my own solid understandings could fully support. Humanism came so very close but it was too devoid of legitimate joy; of wonder and spirituality; of regard for miracle.

Look at me still digressing.

I have since remembered the reason I put priest (in training) on my blog profile. Because beyond the regular societal use of the word (and our society bears no ownership of language by the way), I did indeed qualify by my honest interpretation. I was – in theory only, without practical experience – a qualified leader of a new religion: a fully integrated system of thought, understanding, life-guidance  and problem-solving structure. A religion which chooses not to employ the term religion but which possesses the dogma of comparable scope to that found in the books of Hinduism or Christianity for instance. A religion with one founder, one leader and one participant: me, myself and I! A religion without the numbers to suggest legitimacy of the banal standard but with a global consolidation of theory and applicability which frankly blows the mainstream religions away, by my own priorities, because (according to all honest dissection it has so far suffered under my own auditing) it:

1. appears to cover all the worldly and spiritual landscapes as the big religions.

2. appears to unite said big religions under a common compatible set of understandings.

3. appears fully compatible with the living experience of human beings as interpreted by the clear mind and the five senses.

4. appears fully in line with the application of logic without resorting to “God works in mysterious ways” or other such cop-outs.

5. does not suffer constant (or any) self-contradictions (especially the constant contradictions concerning violence and punishment versus mercy and peace).

6. appears fully in line with the science of the day (and without requiring obscure translations to do so).

7. appears fully compatible with the teachings of eminent, perhaps preeminent, spiritual author Eckhart Tolle.

8. appears to include, and fully consolidate, all relevant areas of human and worldly consequence, leaving no measurable gaps or mysteries.

9. appears to supply the attainable solutions to any conceivable problem.

Do you believe this claim? Does it seem outrageous? Too lofty to be true? It’s not actually a big deal if you consider that these landscapes are far less complex than we might otherwise interpret once you see through all the fog and fragmentation of the illusions of mind and society. Regardless, I don’t invite belief or even suggest belief; only awareness that the claim exists. That is all.

My, what grandeur I must suffer from, eh? I must think I’m a Jesus or Buddha, right? What I think is that Jesus and Buddha were ordinary humans who were merely untethered from the constant bindings which suffocate normal society and were simply free to think simply, and were blessed with the opportunity to avoid a lot of distracting, time-consuming work of a normal role in their societies, and the associated stresses. 

I don’t at all think that Jesus or the Buddha did anything which is beyond the reach of normal humans and that the belief otherwise, the putting them on a pedestal, is among the most harmful consequences of normal religions.

And if my above claim is true and is enough to qualify the work a religion-of-sorts, then regardless of the rite of ordination and its legal bearing, I would best qualify its leader, at least for now, in the current absence of someone more qualified, whom I would eagerly invite or subscribe to, for I interpret that my leadership skills are lacking.

Although, where among the above nine qualifiers is its “holy” book? Alas there is none. Its “scriptures” are here, there and everywhere and very much incomplete. And frankly I wonder if all the remaining undocumented material is still retrievable from my mind.

I have so very often tinkered about with plans and short-lived attempts at creating such a tome and the scope of the project feels often unbearable. It is simply so big and interconnected that organizing it all looms a monstrous beast.

I do possess a skeletal framework though (which only Neo has seen), which is workable I think, yet somewhat flexible and arbitrary in arrangement, which I produced years ago and which organizes the broad landscape into a hierarchy of eighty-something sections, mapped by prerequisites. Some sections would require further breakdown into chapters.

Perhaps my two attempts to write the thing from the beginning toward distant end, in quite contrasting styles, were the wrong ways to go, and I should simply expand on the framework in gradual stages; building it outward in rings instead of trying to travel the linear circumference.   

Sometimes I wonder what the point is in bothering with such a project? My closest trusted associates seem to suggest it may be unnecessary. The result will be so huge and unsuitable to any known genre of book that no publisher will touch it. Yet perhaps this claim above is the very reason. Perhaps I need to write it just for myself so that I can observe the result and confirm that yes, a piece of written evidence exists to support my claim above, and on the rare days I might wish to call myself “priest in training,” here is my qualification!

Giving

It may have largely to do with the recent reading of an extremely inspirational book (more on that later) that I have become so appropriately “generous” of late; generous in a very personal sense. It might be better to say accepting or tolerant. Perhaps even detached or unencumbered, or simply present.

Specifically I have found myself dismissing concerns around the dynamics of close relationships. The various ways, for instance, that some friends, through no conscious intention of their own, cast a force upon me which tries to draw me back into my old ways, or into the more socially normal behaviors which seem to pose a threat to me. Or the ways that they underestimate me so that they can perceive needs I do not have, so as to satisfy their loving nature by tending to them. (Do I do that too, to some?) Other things: Grandpa Munster’s poor choices and consequences. The apparent disrespect of bread-and-butter friends forced to think me pretentious in order to deny their own suffering. (How much of that is in my head?)

All these apparent little hurdles, suddenly they are nothing! I have read passages which sound like my own voice, reminding me of lessons I once learned and like magic I am experiencing greater freedom. These little hurdles do not matter! I need not plan my way around them. I am full of love and strength. Everywhere I look my associates are suddenly more beautiful and harmless.

Generous may not be the best word for this; this mentally letting them be who they are, whatever they are, however I perceive them. But I like that word right now. I like it because generosity has been returned to me these last few days but tenfold. My old car bit the dust in spectacular fashion; the suspension crumpling beneath me. My friends were quick to offer counsel and rides. The Ponderer actually loaned me her car in order to get to work for two nights. Dog Whisperer offered the same. Peter Pan offered me a $1500 loan to help buy a new car. I accepted $1200. The purchase emptied my bank account. The new car has a battery problem which I believe will be worked out. Friends all over have come to my rescue. The Ponderer and Healer have fed me dinners this weekend. All these gifts have arrived without my asking. Mom, too, has offered money which I have declined. 

As I said to Dog Whisperer earlier, “I am blessed.” May I have the opportunity soon, to give as generously as I have received!

I have committed to myself to repay the loan swiftly. Unfortunately this will probably mean further delays to seeing Skeeter Willis or Renaissance Kid and that I will not visit Neo down at his new home where he goes to school, as soon as was planned. (He’s grown up so frightfully fast.) I want us to just have fun for a day, without the sobriety of sustained serious conversation that has long been our mode; to perhaps hit book stores, music stores, antique stores… to explore… make a short film perhaps…! and definitely go over his latest brilliant music album production and provide feedback. I want to give him a wok and show him some great cooking options that I think he’ll enjoy and which are easy, healthy and efficient. I do worry about his nutrition.  

I’m willing to bet that without the pressure to maximize efficient conversation over dinner or coffee, that we might actually make more useful connections naturally, while just doing what we enjoy. What I would really like, I think, is simply for us to laugh together as we once did.

Yes the universe seems to have done me wrong; monkeyed terribly with my car and then, with my bank account emptied and me thinking it owed me some good luck at least until next payday, it monkeyed with my new car! But it also showed me how much love there is around me and reminds me how much I have to give.

This may be the most important thing I ever say, in my whole life:

So I get an email from the JazzLion, dropping his phone number, asking me to call. His words are brief but intimate. I take notice.

I last saw him in December 2014, right before he split to BC for a series of adventures which attempted to bridge the natural world which he tries to hang on to, and the sleazy commercial world we humans have insisted on letting dominate ourselves. Early reports were promising. I began to think he would not be returning. Apparently so did he, at least for a while. I telephoned.

In his words, he hit rock bottom in Calgary, knocked out of employment by the third boss in a row to con him with false promises, at least according to his perception. With no home or money and a head full of destructive thoughts, aimed at himself and others, he called on Mom for a loan for a coach ticket back to Ontario where his greater support system lies.

His considerable intelligence never seems to match up to his emotions. His goals never seem to match up to both his perceived purpose and circumstances simultaneously. The gifts he offers never seem to match up to the wants of his neighbors.

We seem to meet up on a little better than annual basis. He will spend the next few days on a bus and then we’ll get together. I know he is feeling lost and hurting and questioning his purpose in life. I know where I want to start in terms of trying to help him find his way toward life pursuits that might work for him, and I shall write it here and now, for his benefit (review) and mine (reminder) and hopefully others (something to think about):

Purpose

If you want to get at the truth of anything you have to start by identifying the appropriate context which is always the largest relevant context. In this case, the universe.

The universe is mind-bogglingly huge and relatively empty of life; to what degree we are not sure, but we can be almost certain of one thing: There is no species in existence in the universe quite like us. That is a logical near-certainty. Because in order to be wrong about that, the other humanoids would have had to come into existence at right about the same time we did, so close to the same time that this would represent a wildly unlikely coincidence when mapped on the scale of the universe’s immense duration. We can observe enough of the universe and of earth to know that life occurs in the universe in extremely unlikely circumstances and intelligent conscious life in staggeringly unlikely circumstances; a staggeringly rare event. But given the immensity of opportunities in the universe: trillions of trillions of trillions of worlds (we can predict); such unlikelihood may happen more than once. But given the humanoid passion (and rate) for exploration and expansion (no doubt a primary factor in what we’ve become; what we are), any similar humanoid species not of Minerva (or Earth as you might say) has to either have killed itself off by now (as we have proven to be fully capable of and are currently forecasted to do) or else has simply not yet evolved anywhere else in the universe. We know this is a mathematical near-certainty because otherwise we could not have avoided this race because to be anything like us and thus with a similar rate of expansion capacity, it would have flooded the universe by now. And we have not run into them.

So trusting we occupy a rare supervisory role in the universe, what does that mean for us?

It means that something brand spanking new is happening in the universe which is well beyond its previously normal scope: that of swirling matter snowballing according to gravity and densities and explosiveness with one or more isolated oases of death-life where cellular organization takes rapidly altering compositions as different forms rapidly consume the prior forms and are rapidly consumed in turn: evolution as we know it. The brand-spanking new thing is consciousness and it has the ability to utterly transform the nature of the universe but might tragically decline to. Consciousness is subject to evolution of an intentional form without need of countless generations and has proven to me, and (I interpret) to others, to be capable of very rapid evolution.

Consciousness enables a web of intelligence, love, empathy (much more love and empathy than most people even begin to realize), communication and cooperation; the kind of cooperation which can put a man on the moon, set its sites on Mars, and soon beyond, with startling growth of reach (technological advancement).

Consciousness, though infantile at this early stage, in the care of humankind, has the capacity to perhaps sadly disappear, or else evolve and flood the universe with harmony and benign intent instead of this cold physical circular causality with rare blips of death-life.

This is a drama of utterly epic proportions which affects the entire universe and makes all other dramas, especially the contrived human societal ones, completely irrelevant, as much as we pretend otherwise. And we are at the centre of it. We are the universe’s witnesses to this event, as well as in the starring role. And the thrilling thing is that we participate in that role at every moment, no matter what we do, and we are able to witness this drama at every waking moment (and arguably when dreaming, perhaps) if we choose to! Because everything we do, if you break down the components fine enough (not a lot of work in most cases) either propagates our normal beastliness or else propagates the evolution. Everything.

At every moment we can be slave to our instincts or else be mindful. (Speaking from a variety of established perspectives:) We can be spiritually asleep or spiritually awake. We can be animal or truly human; a grown child or a true adult. We can experience living death or be poetically alive, serve our internal devil or internal godliness. And every choice, every moment, is huge! Every one of our actions, in adherence with the laws of causality, are potentially eternal – or awfully damn close to eternal; eternal for all intents and purposes.

Eckhart Tolle, who has earned my immense trust, would tell JazzLion that being this witness is his internal purpose, with an outer purpose being his duty to design. I would add that choosing a side in this cosmic fork in the road, must form a basis for his purpose, whether you call it inner or outer.

Tolle says that some people who recognize the human purpose will involve this spiritual reality as a core component of their outer purpose. I know that that has to be true of me; that I must make it true, and given JazzLion’s capacity for intelligence and empathy and wakefulness, I would suggest the same of him.

Frankly, I would say this of quite a few of the special people I know. And I know that some of you read this blog. I really hope you are listening!

Love you.

My regression

I suspect that I am moving toward improved insight into what is going on with me (and what is not going on with me).

I have interpreted the changes in my life as a personal evolution (of consciousness, generally) and I have regarded my less enlightened behaviours – at times occasional, at times more frequent – as a slipping backwards; as a regression of that evolution, and I have never worried about that in any way. I have never prioritized the journey. I’ve never said, “Oh I must keep evolving. I must be a saint by this date and an angel by this date…!” I have made no assumptions about any ideal path. I have been inclined to think that this “regression” has kept me more relatable to certain people and not so estranged from them; in effect having more capacity to communicate effectively, which is important as I have felt a burden and duty to offer myself as much as possible as a guide to the less initiated, in the absence of any more qualified guide within reach. Through the period of rapid evolution I was sensing new hurdles to communication because I was forgetting what it was like to suffer certain perceptions. I could remember the ends of paths but not their beginnings. I felt I was leaving some people too far behind; out of reach.

Having read A New Earth and connecting superbly (indescribably so) to Eckhart Tolle’s explanations of what so-far appears to be the same mental journey and landscape (much work to be done analyzing that), I find myself looking at myself more through what I perceive as his perspective which feels very useful. In doing so I must consider that evolution and regression may not be the most useful terms here. Tolle seems to say that it is more of a toggle switch to be “awake” or “asleep” at any given moment, which does feel right to me, and I must wonder, is it more useful to say that I am generally just falling out of the habit somewhat, of being awake; mindful; conscious; present or whatever (I’ve yet to hear a term for it that feels definitive).

There is no doubt a pattern that I am awake most of the time that I am alone (which is often, per my priorities) and awake much of the time in others’ company but probably not a great majority of that time. I often catch my own lack of presence in the middle of the act and I am sort of laughing at myself before the last offending words are out of my mouth and I have tended to see this as me granting my imprisoned ego little recreational holidays; time off for good behaviour. This was perhaps conceited of me as I must ponder: No, this is the ego being fully in charge at these moments. Yes, I think that is more the case. It’s creepy to think of the ego playing possum in this way but it makes sense.

What may have slanted my views on regression until now is that the rewards of peace, joy and freedom do not entirely depart through periods of more instinctive (asleep) modes but I wonder do they only linger as academic comforts in those moments, rather than fully genuine. It invites the more crucial question. How do I ever know when my state is genuine and full and not just academic? Tolle (and the Healer) propose a simple test for that which I can not so far consolidate.

I am pondering at this moment that maybe a more mindful habit is on the rise again as my concerns about being reachable or relatable; the capacity to communicate, are perhaps dissipating. The Healer, who has graciously listened to much of my personal story without doubt or prejudice, suggests that teaching is more a matter of practice and experience than staying relatable. She suggests, in essence, that I may have “evolved” spiritually but not as a teacher.

The fact is, I am currently much in doubt about both my abilities and my qualifications as a teacher. They may both be deeply lacking and if so, that is okay. She also suggests that I may not be nearly so alone in my circumstance as I have felt. She is subtly suggesting that I might find myself at home in the woo-woo community, a term she applies ironically to herself and her peers; the practitioners of reiki, tai chi, qigong, meditation etc.

In other words, the burden of guiding may not be falling on my shoulders so much after all. I don’t know if she might be right. I’m not sure how accurate her idea is of all that I have been through and perceive, but there is work to do to clarify these matters and new experiences to be had! The Healer knows Tolle’s work but I must read and re-read his works and take stock of how much he explains myself and my journey as well as how much he does not. This will shed more light on all of these questions.

Perhaps continued evolution is my inner purpose while guiding is a potential with regards to my outer purpose, remaining to be seen.

Spare a dime, brother!

The Earnest Chef is in town today. Haven’t seen him in a couple months. He’s joined myself, Chessmaster and The Ponderer for one our weekly breakfast write-ins at The Joker’s Café. Following, he’ll attend my weekly hike with The Healer and little Doctor Dizzy at a lovely cave-dotted conservation area.

Officially I am in financial crisis with my employer pretty much ignoring my existence, however I spare not an ounce of stress over it. I seem to know inherently that stress is useless. Also I know inherently that I am not going to starve on the streets no matter what happens.

Also, I am simply in a happy place. Just as with Siddhartha or Aurobindo’s treatment on the Bhagavad Gita, I am now reading a book which has me in joyful tears. I am once again connecting superbly in terms of matters that are core to my understandings of people, the world and the universe and which I can almost never communicate to any real degree with the living people around me, a phenomenon that leaves me feeling like an interplanetary alien most of the time.

The magnificent factor this time around though, is that this author is alive. Alive! The effect of this is beautiful. I am suddenly not so alone. I now know for certain that there is at least one person on this planet here and now who would fully understand me; who could have a discussion with me where I could utterly be myself and be understood and vice-versa. Where I need not monitor myself and hide insights which would alienate my company or cause them to think I am a liar or delusional.

That said, I am fully myself, I believe, with Neo and Neo believes he understands me but I am not convinced. He does not demonstrate that he understands me. I’m inclined to think he understands more of me than perhaps any other, or perhaps believes he understands who I think I am but without believing I am necessarily without delusion – which would not offend me. Scepticism is generally very wise in a world that is invariably 99% bullshit.

Back to this book, which was recommended to me years ago by The Journeyer and recently by The Healer and which has languished on my bookshelf untouched for years!:

Every paragraph it seems, contains yet more and more affirmation of my long roster of understandings. He describes the process (which I have thought of as the poetic process) which reflects my experiences precisely, though he calls it simply spirituality, or the new spirituality, a habit of consciousness; presence; awareness.

Being perfectly patient when properly engaged in my work; my poetic pursuits, I am content to simply finish the book and then do some research on the author, a German I believe, and only then, if this marvelous symmetry still holds up, figure out how I can meet him, or else with some organization he perhaps champions (if such exists) and finally have humans I can communicate with for real - again, not to diminish the trust or belief I have in Neo. I am just not sure, currently, exactly where we stand in this regard.

My hope, in doing this, is not just to dispel the specter of alienhood, but to get help in refining my goals in life. I long ago lost interest in all normal pursuits and being so regularly joyful, peaceful and free of a great bulk of societal illness, have desired only to be useful to others; specifically to champion harmony and the evolution of consciousness which I believe I have taken part in and which I interpret confidently that this race of humans must embrace, and soon, if we are to survive as a species.

I might be begging on the street soon but life has never been better!