Papal pansophy and Obi Wan-liners

Unfortunately the vast majority of quotes circulated not only on FB but literally everywhere are falsely attributed (mostly unknowingly), and the more famous or polarized a person is, the more quotes are invented or re-attributed to them by people more eager to push their agenda than to be honest. For instance 99% of published Hitler quotes were faked by those who wished to paint the words of their opposition in the worst light. And Yogi Berra rarely had anything intelligent to say. Most of the quotes he's attributed were redirected to him as a joke; a way to poke fun at him for all his authentic malapropisms and other ding-battery.

The human penchant for misquoting came about well before the internet by the way. Those captured in respected books and on posters are just as likely suspect. The only quotes you ever see that are more likely to be true than false are those that are published along with the full context (place/date/occasion/publication as applicable) which unfortunately is the only fully responsible way to share a quote.

This is a dilemma, I know. Naturally we want to share good ideas and we want to have integrity and thus to attribute them fairly. But we live in a world of rampant misinformation and it's important to me that people realize it, in the hopes we will demand better some day and achieve a sane society.

The comfort is that every quote is real in that it came from somebody! The answer, I suppose, is to check Snopes or such and add in the context if verified, and if not, change it to "attribution unknown." Unfortunately it takes a lot of work to be real in a world that mostly isn't. On my good days, when I succeed, the reward is worth it.

B is for Beer

And I have a new favorite. Newcastle Brown Ale. B is also for Brown, by the way. Newcastle now replaces Kronenbourg as my personal fave, which replaced Guinness around 2009, which replaced Molson Export circa 1999 which replaced Schooner Beer as my misguided fave in 1988.

Wow. This a completely useless post. B also stands for Banal and Boring. I promise to cook up something more substantial for C Day.

A is for Apologies

1. I'm sorry for the preceeding post which was indulgent and rude but sometimes I just feel like being a blabbermouth because it's cheap and easy entertainment.


2. I'm sorry for missing Day 1 of the April A-to-Z Challenge which I probably should not have signed up for, but I didn't even hear about it until today. You have to blog 26 articles in 30 days and I'll guess you can decipher for yourself how that relates to the alphabet. As if that alone wasn't enough of a pain in the ass, they actually expect you to stick to a very precise schedule. I don't know why they have to be so fussy about it.

Anyhoo... That's all I have to say. So there.

Day 14: One confession

Hold on to your hats folks.

My confession is in regards to... sexual orientation!

Are you ready for this?

I am attracted to...

Are you sure you're ready for this?

I mean, REALLY sure?

Brace yourself...

I am attracted to...

Skin and bones.

Exactly like everyone else.

Day 13: Two images that describe your life and why

1. My home.

2. My deal: Trying to turn lead hearts into gold.

Day 10: Three turn-offs

1. Bad-behavior stories. Yes, yes, yes, I know you're better than everyone else already...

2. Self pity. Most people have no idea how good they've got it.

3. Automobiles. A premium example for each of the top twenty things most fucked up about human society.
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Day 9: Four turn-ons (interpret as you wish).

1. humility

2. open-mindedness

3. skepticism

4. A thick juicy tender 20-oz steak with mashed potatoes and asparagus all covered in garlic, pepper, salt and butter plus a bottle or few of Shiraz and maybe a Yorkshire pudding and then some premium organic fair-trade bird-friendly coffee with super rich cream and then a big fat Arturo Fuente Opus X cigar and a few shots of 18-year-old single malt scotch.

And if you think numbers 2 and 3 are mutually exclusive, think again.

Day 8: Five ways to win your heart.

This should be easy:

1. save me from an evil dragon
2. win a jousting tournament held in my honour.
3. Okay.. let's start over:

1. be a misfit; abhor normal.
2. seek reality
3. be courageous
4. be compassionate
5. or... just be young and gorgeous and I'll delude myself that you are all the rest.

Day 7: Six things you wish you’d never done.

In reality I would not change a thing as I can not possibly track the countless twists of causality that would alter who I am today as a result. But if I must examine events worthy of regret it would be so:

1. Killing all the gym lights during the high school band performance. How long can an orchestra continue playing in the dark, you ask? About 3 seconds and for the last 2 of those, it fails to resemble the intended song. Now you know.

2. Sending JN (an ex) the letter.

3. blindly assuming I wanted all the normal things that normal people want.

4. Jumping the 12' fence.

5. Assembling a very impressive unpaid parking ticket collection. Postage stamps might have been less problematic ultimately.

6. Ordering steak at Montana's last night. They're now 0 for 3 on steaks. This time though, I allowed them to take it off the bill. Resolved: I will order ought but their ribs henceforth.

So there.

.

Day 6: Seven things that often cross your mind.

1. I am an alien.

2. I am running behind on nearly every project.

3. I am free, by most accounting.

4. Food is delicious,

5. Um.. This one's none of your damn business.

6. I need to write.

7. I'm old/tired/fat (circle any)


.

Day 5: You win five million in the lottery. How do you spend it?

This is tough. I've been asked this before and I think my answer's been very different every time. Here's how I feel today. I'm assuming the award is after taxes.


gift to parents - 500,000

gift to brother - 200,000

gifts to other friends, family - 200,000

payoffs to shallow money-grubbing associates: "Take this and get out of my life and don't come back asking for more or I will have you killed and bribe the judge not to put me in jail." - 50,000

bribes to judges - 150,000

bed & breakfast type facility for use by New Day Rising charitable enterprise. - 1,000,000

studio - 45,000

printing press - 35,000

fund: operating expenses for NDR organization - 750,000

fund: other operating expenses - 175,000

fund: personal living expenses - 240,000

flying around money - 25,000

matrix fees - 30,000

other charities - 250,000

socially and environmentally responsible investments - 1,000,000

rainy day savings - 350,000

TOTAL: - 5,000,000

Okay. That felt kind of lame.

Day 4: List your "desert island" top 20 music albums

I have chosen not to include any kind of anthologies. Otherwise they'd nearly all be anthologies. I'd rather honor true albums: songs that were meant to go together. I will attempt to rank them and list them in countdown order.


20. Dark Side of the Moon (1973) Pink Floyd: Perhaps the perfect rock album; every track essential to the whole.

19. The Joshua Tree (1990) U2: As a youth, my favorite album to get slightly drunk in the pitch dark with.

18. Roll The Bones (1991) Rush: Just when I thought the all-out genius days of Rush were well over, they did it once again.

17. One of These Nights (1975) The Eagles: Who could imagine that simultaneous country and disco influences on classic rock would result in such a masterpiece. Better than Hotel California for every conceivable reason.

16. Born In The USA (1984) Bruce Springsteen: One poignant high school anthem after another; All that is awkwardly beautiful and bittersweet about America.

15. Collective Soul (1995) Collective Soul: The most amazing blend of hard-core guitar rifts and sweet melodies. the track When the Water Flows would surely appear on my list of top 20 songs of all time, this being the only such album-song pairing to dually qualify so!

14. Heartbeat City (1984) The Cars: Drive, Magic and every other track each remain a portal to the magic summers of my youth. Goofy gorgeous Ric Ocasek was once the ultimate in cool!

13. Four (1971) Led Zeppelin: What can I say? Totally epic. I assume it's on everyone's list!

12. Brothers in Arms (1985) Dire Straits: Nine gorgeous songs diverse in style yet firmly aligned through emotion and Knofler's trademark minimalist guitar bursts. Spectacular achievement.

11. Money And Cigarettes (1983) Eric Clapton: What do you call this? Country-Folk? It is meat-and-potatoes rhythms with Clapton's comforting voice and trademark squealing guitar. It's the chicken noodle soup of music. Now and then you just need it. (Did I just use conflicting food metaphors? Oh well. It's my blog. I make the rules.)

10. Moving Pictures (1981) Rush: When else has such unconventional genius been so accepted by the masses? On the subsequent tour they sold out Maple Leaf Gardens for three consecutive nights. Has that been done before or since?

9. Fully Completely (1992) The Tragically Hip: One of those rare albums you buy because it has five amazing songs on it, only to discover there are five more tracks on it even more amazing.

8. Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band (1967) The Beatles: There's nothing to say about it that hasn't already been said a thousand times.

7. In The Aeroplane Over The Sea (1998) Neutral Milk Hotel: What an incredibly heavy work. It pushes the limits of their playing ability, of Jeff Mangum's voice and most significantly, it pushes the limits of the transparency one man can make of his own heart. Profoundly emotional and one of the best-selling indie rock albums of all time I would guess (though I really don't know). Thank you Neo!

6. Power Windows (1985) Rush: Yet another masterpiece from start to finish by the transcended band who proved that record labels suck the life out of music, that music critics are petty little bullshitters and the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame is nothing more than an irrelevant country club.

5. The Wild Hunt (2010) The Tallest Man On Earth: This album may hold an accelerated position currently because we are still in the honeymoon phase. Gorgeous folk guitar combined with an ugly troll voice, totally smacking of Dylan. Wildly beautiful. Thanks again Neo.

4. Grace Under Pressure (1984) Rush: "It's too new-wavy," my more metal-oriented friends said; those who had boarded the Rush bandwagon with Moving Pictures. I didn't care. For a 15-year-old held ransom by the vile governments of the U.S.A. and U.S.S.R. and their spectacular overabundance of cocked and aimed nuclear missiles, this album spoke to me on every level, musically, emotionally and intellectually. An immeasurable impact on my life.

3. Signals (1982) Rush: Seven gripping beautiful songs which still today compel and thrill me and tether me to the 13-year-old boy I was when I acquired it for the first time (on cassette) thirty years ago. Oh my god. Thirty years? Incredible. Oh - plus the odd track "Countdown" which I still fail to appreciate.

2. Who's Next (1971) The Who: All the most amazing Who songs in one place. Could have been reissued as Best of the Who in my humble opinion.

1. A Farewell to Kings (1977) Rush: Genius. Absolute genius if genius has ever existed in the world. Indescribably beautiful.

Day 3: Eight people who mean a lot to you and why

My mom: Best mom in the whole world. Ever. Period. Oh, sorry reader. Did you think maybe that your mom was the best mom in the world? Sorry but no. That privilege is mine.


Paul: We had the most important thing, mom and I, love, when you came along, but little else. You accepted me at once. You provided for us. A good home. Good clothes. Good food. Good times. You taught me excellent lessons seemingly without intention. How to be humble. How to live well within one's limitations. The value in charity. The wisdom in respecting even those persons we are not fond of. I gave up my childhood heroes at once; the very day I realized that I had only one hero.


Porn King: For how many years did we stick together like glue? It's all a blur now. You accepted me during the period of my life when fear and desperation drove me to be too often cunning and controlling. We were there for each other immediately, when needed. We traded favors of any magnitude without hesitation. We guarded each other's secrets. We shared tears and adventures and so much laughter. We trusted each other unwaveringly. We gave each other just what we needed at times. We cleaned up each other's messes and we forgave. Though our interests and habits have diverged and we meet so infrequently at this time, you will always be my best friend; the best I ever could have imagined.


Neo: How does such a potent blend of honesty, humility, curiosity, compassion and intelligence develop in a single young person? You are a wonder. Such precocious writing talent. Such a courageous approach to music. I have such a great hope for the future of our society when I see what you are capable of. Can you even imagine what a tremendous source of inspiration you are? Few people ever access their own individual capacity for genius. But you are on your way. You will change the world for many people.


World Citizen: How often have we met in our adult lives? Perhaps only four or five times? And yet I feel like we have souls connected from some ancient time! But you have that effect on many people, I'll bet. You speak with a voice so gentle it overwhelms. You are the evolved man; a man of the highest order. How the world needs to learn from you. I hope you will always maintain the opportunities to teach!


Robb: I hope you know how much you are liked and respected and appreciated by those whose lives and pursuits you work so hard to nurture. Though I wonder does your generosity go too much appreciated but without that appreciation voiced to you? Let me say that you are not taken for granted. Not by me or those around us. We speak of you often and with great regard. Was it chance or design that you led me to this place where I would discover a part of me which I had no idea existed; a part I now cherish. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you!


Professor Plonk and Captain Vino: You are such incredibly special friends. You have always been there for me with infinite generosity and unconditional love. You are of a rare rare breed. I adore you both.


How can I pick just eight? Doctor Lock would qualify. So would Rockin' Roddie or MJC. Who else? Tati, Little Brother, all my excellent associates at the SHL. My completely beautiful Nano friends. My grandma and other dear relatives. The I.S. I can't rank these people. I only know that I am among the luckiest persons in the world for all the amazing people who have allowed me into their lives. I love you all madly.

Day 2: Nine things about yourself that might surprise people who think they know you.

1. Inherently I am massively lazy and must constantly create structures to motivate myself. On that note, it is now after midnight and I will backdate this post to make it appear with a March 8 posting date.

2. I like ABBA, albeit in small doses.

3. I am a bastard.

4. I suffer a lot of guilt, eating meat.

5. I have not read Hunger Games. I know. Shocking.

6. I've seen all the Jackass movies and enjoyed them. I realize this means something is wrong with me.

7. I go through red lights at night when the coast is clear.

8. I am about to start a diet. For real this time.

9. I'm nervous in dark basements.

Day 1: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.

Biodad: I know what haunts you. But there are other ways to defeat your fears. The drinking days are over. Help is available. The choice is yours; to live or die.

Neo: I believe in you. Always.

Jerry: I'm sorry I hurt you - what - 25 years ago? Whether I was right about you or wrong, it never was my place to judge you.

Doctor Lock: Thank you for coaxing the music out of me. You have changed my life profoundly

Mateo Jordache: Get that beautiful #@*%">#@*%>!* album on the damn market before I lose my marbles. I want a copy NOW!

Skeeter: I have a good hunk of respect for you. Any time you want to talk about the dark stuff; I'm there.

Jeff L: I miss your amazing energy. We must get together. Been way too long.

Rockin' Roddie: Thank you for taking a chance on me. It was an amazing time for those six years. I learned a lot about the world and about myself.

Dave: Many compliments are useless to me but you gave me a very fine one indeed. It's good to know I can be an inspiration to friends because my friends certainly inspire me.

Tati: Miss you. I will find a day to come soon. But we should do more than tell stories. You must put me to work!

Two weeks of reflection

Okay kids. Here's how it goes: You answer one question per day for two weeks. If you have a blog, post it on your blog. If not, use my comments section! I got the bones of this from the Liberal Theologian and then spiced it up by adding the weekend assignments. It looks useful. I will participate also of course. I hope you all participate!


Day 1: Wednesday March 7: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.

Day 2: Thursday March 8: Nine things about yourself that might surprise people who think they know you.

Day 3: Friday March 9: Eight people who mean a lot to you and why (in no particular order).

Day 4: Saturday March 10: List your "desert island" top 20 music albums, or whatever number works for you, preferably in order! Should anthologies qualify? You decide.

Day 5: Sunday March 11: You win five million in the lottery. How, specifically, do you spend (or save) each dollar?

Day 6: Monday March 12: Seven things that often cross your mind.

Day 7: Tuesday March 13: Six things you wish you’d never done.

Day 8: Wednesday March 14: Five ways to win your heart.

Day 9: Thursday March 15: Four turn-ons (interpret as you wish).

Day 10: Friday March 16: Three turn-offs.

Day 11: Saturday March 17: Build your dream home. Describe it room by room.

Day 12: Sunday March 18: Describe your ultimate perfect weekend from Friday night through Sunday.

Day 13: Monday March 19: Two images that describe your life right now and why

Day 14: Tuesday March 20: One confession.

Twisted survey

The ever kewl writer and plague enthusiast Elizabeth Twist has selected little old me, among others, to answer her very own random question survey:


1. What are you reading?
Pretty much everything. Re-reading The Road (C. McCarthy) for the sake of the young readers group. I'm on book 4 of the Dark Tower series (King), book 5 of Song of Ice and Fire (Martin), book 2 of Riverworld (Farmer), Book 3 of the Jolly Stone series or some darn thing by Iain Lawrence. As well currently, short stories and poetry by Atwood, Whitman, R.W. Emerson and a few other things; various non-fic. I am seriously aiming at reducing my Concurrent Reading Load. It's grown a tad out of control.


2. What is your favourite creative activity that is not writing?
Writing songs. Wait. Is that still writing? Composing songs then.


3. Where or how do you get your best ideas?
Mostly by peeking in people's windows at night. I've found that we're all freaks. There is no normal.


4. If you could magically and painlessly change one thing about your mind or body, what would it be, if anything?
I'd lose a hundred pounds from all the right places and give it all back to the universe. There's probably a shortage somewhere because of me.


5. What's the scariest movie, story, novel, or scene you can recall?
Watched Nightmare on Elm Street all alone as a teenager. I was scared outta my mind. Started the whole Sleeping with a Bag of Golf Clubs phase. I can't even talk about it.


6. What's the weirdest thing you believe?
Well, I don't believe anything. I don't need to. I am equipped to proceed with all things in life treating testimony as testimony. I am equipped to gauge the usefulness of ideas without subscribing to them. I don't believe in belief so we're not going to get very far with this question, are we?


7. Super strength or super intelligence?
I'll take super intelligence, thank you. I hope this is a genuine offer and not rhetorical.


8. You're granted the ability to become invisible. Where do you go and what do you do? (Bonus question: are you wearing clothes? I mean, what about YOUR becoming invisible makes your clothes invisible too? This has always bothered me.)
Okay, I read the bonus question first, which was a little disturbing for a while. I assume that whatever process I used to make me invisible, I could also apply to a few items of clothing.

I'd like to think I'd spend a lot of time spying on the private meetings of the leaders of nations, religions, corporations and media etc. and then airing all their filthy dirt to the public but in reality I'd probably waste all my time in the bedrooms of the world's sexiest people. Oh well.


9. What one change do you think would have the most positive impact on the world as a whole?
People grasping the reality of the illusion of consciousness; fully understanding their slavery to instinct. It would change absolutely everything. I suspect it would solve every problem. Most of those solutions being the new understanding that what you thought was a problem is not in fact a problem. Most problems are illusory.


10. What is the crappiest advice you've ever been given?
"You should be able to jump from there."

To the letter, it was true but landing was more the problem.


11. What's your favourite song right now?
Never My Love by The Association. That's right. I'm on the cutting edge of music, clearly. Here's something more impressive: My favorite albums currently are: In The Aeroplane Over The Sea by Neutral Milk Hotel and The Wild Hunt by The Tallest Man On Earth. They are significantly more recent and they are incredibly beautiful after you get used to them.

My Interview

This is an interview meme. Suki has asked me these questions:

1. What is the greatest change you see taking place in your life right now?

Change is abundant right now. On the surface it may seem that change of residense and workplace are the most significant, but not so. My perception of residense and my perception of workplace are the greater changes. Where I sleep on a given night and where I contribute rent are meaningless details to me. This planet is my home and all my instincts are nomadic. Where and how I earn some money for bread is another trivial detail. My work is my purpose in life. It is my meditation, writing, research and my vigiliance; in short, the poetic process.


2. Which is your favourite among the comics you've made?

I guess the one about the blackberry because I suspect I'm the only one who finds it funny. I don't know if anyone else even gets it.


3. If you could sum up the philosophy of your life in fifty words, what would they be?
I'm a unique entity in the universe; miraculously fortunate to be alive on an earthly paradise, shielded from a universe of hydrogen and radiation; a creature blessed with "the illusion of consciousness"; to have survived the horror of self realization and found access to unlimited sources of peace, freedom and harmony and with a consolidated joyful purpose to my existence.


4. On a scale of -10(he'll be worse than Bush) to 10(he'll raise America to its zenith), how high are your hopes for Obama as President?

Zero.

That perhaps millions of people who think of themselves as black or as some racial minority and think likewise of Obama and think of American presidency as the ultimate position of power and who may now feel empowered; a sense of legitimacy; a new belief that their skin need not limit their social potential despite the white man's insanity - for them, I am tearfully joyful. My highest expectations were already met.

Other than that, I am entirely uninterested. People seem to assume that one's nationality is a primary factor of their living experience. My observations dictate otherwise. When is the last time I read something in the newspaper; heard something on the radio or from a friend that concerns nations or politics that isn't absurd or illogical or that has any connection to an unvarnished truth?

Never. Not one legitimate word that I can recall. Nations and political systems are built entirely of fictions. I realize that no one will accept what I've just said. But rare perspectives born of rare experiences dictate it so.

I took in Obama's induction speech (if that's the correct term). He seemed to me, genuinely likeable, yet he spoke some things that are dreadfully flawed, indicating he is either duped by particular illusions or else is wilfully propogating them for his own purposes or else is slave to the system or to his political associates. Whichever way, I have no interest in participating in the charade. But given the charade is firmly entrenched in our society - I'm content that he's in and not another Bush.


5. If you had to sing a single line from a song to woo a woman you've never spoken to before, what would it be?

I have no interest in wooing any woman or anyone else for that matter. I'm firmly content in being entirely honest in my feelings and motives but here's a line from a song that I would gladly sing for anyone:

Imagine all the people sharing all the world.

You know which song.
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Okay, reader! Who would like to be interviewed? Drop your name in the comment section and I will forward you five questions!

97 lame questions

Don't you just hate lazy bloggers who steal their Facebook tags and cross-post them to their blog? Oh well. Too bad. Times are tough.


100 Truths (actually 97). After you've filled this out, tag 15 people and have them do the same.


1. Last beverage--- Grape-splashed bottled water. It's half done.

2. Last phone call--- To Caledon - to wish 'happy Fathers Day' to the only man who deserves to be called my father.

3. Last text message--- Couple years ago. Probably said, "luv u"

4. Last song you listened to --- Robert Plant, 29 Palms. Watched the video on YouTube.

5. Last time you cried--- With any intensity? Last winter. Drank too much. Things got heavy.


HAVE YOU EVER:

6. Dated someone twice --- With a break between? Not that I recall.

7. Been cheated on?--- Always.

8. Kissed someone & regretted it?--- Too often.

9. Lost someone special?--- Of course. How can you not?

10. Been depressed?--- Yes but never again.

11. Been drunk and threw up? --- All too recently.


LIST FOUR FAVORITE COLORS:

12. Sky blue
13. See above
14. See above
15. See above


HAVE YOU:

16. Made new friends--- Constantly.

17. Fallen out of love --- My love for all people waxes and wanes perpetually.

18. Laughed until you cried --- Yesterday. The culprit: http://rachelmurie.blogspot.com/2009/06/santa-baby.html

19. Met someone who changed you --- Of course. Everyone.

20. Found out who your true friends were --- An arbitrary label but in essence - I sense who are 'truer' than others.

21. Found out someone was talking about you --- I did. And it was me.

22. Kissed anyone on your friend's list--- A couple dozen. But only three with the tongue and everything.


23. How many people on your friends list do you know in real life --- All but Rick Mercer.

24. How many kids do you want to have--- Some days, one. Usually zero.

25. Do you have any pets --- No but the roommates have koy, a dog and a three-legged cat.

26. Do you want to change your name--- Yes.

27. What did you do for your last birthday--- Had a surprise party inflicted on me five months prior to the actual date. 'Surprise' is an understatement.

28. What time did you wake up today --- 5:30PM. And now I'm on duty and on Facebook!

29. What were you doing at midnight last night--- Watching a John Carpenter movie - 'Assault on Precinct 13' with my co-workers in the Security Office. I kept laughing at it and hoping I wasn't hurting the John Carpenter fan's feelings.

30. Name something you CANNOT wait for --- I can wait.

31. Last time you saw your father--- Early May. He bought me dinner. I shall return the favor next weekend.

32. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life --- I'd like to lose some weight before it kills me.

33. What are you listening to right now --- the fan on the lap top.

34. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom --- Rarely. Generally Toms conspire to avoid me. No idea why.

35. What's getting on your nerves right now? --- My nerves are at peace.

36. Most visited webpage --- Hotmail. And whoever said CNN News -- are you insane!

37. What's your name--- Richard David Landriault

38. Nicknames--- FWG, Blue, Huggybear, New Day Rising.

39. Relationship Status --- No comment.

40. Zodiac sign --- No comment.

41. Male or female or transgendered --- I had a penis the last time I checked.

63. Elementary --- So it is, my dear Watson.

43. Middle School --- No.

44. High school --- Never again.

45. Hair color --- Blonde this time of year.

46. Long or short --- Very short right now. Almost buzz-like.

47. Height --- 5'11".

48. Have a crush on anyone? --- You could say that.

49. What do you like about yourself? --- That I am largely free, joyful, at peace, and compelled by noble purpose.

50. Piercings --- No thanks. I'm fine with the way I was originally assembled.

51. Tattoos --- I don't want to be poked, thanks. By anything.

52. Righty or lefty --- Righty. Wait, do you mean -- Never mind. Righty.

FIRSTS :

53. First surgery --- Appendix. Grade seven. The school priests declined to visit me at the hospital, contrary to usual practice on account of my parents being godless heathens.

54. First piercing --- Aint gonna happen, Sunshine.

55. First best friend--- Robbie Egger. We were gonna be the next Hardy Boys.

56. First sport you joined --- Lacrosse.

57. First pet --- Maggie. A kitten. She disappeared when Mom had a change of heart. Later so did Cocoa, the dog. I was shattered both times and never got to say goodbye.

58. First vacation--- Typical cottage type.


59. First concert --- Kim Mitchell. Had a great time. Didn't realize yet how awesome he's not.

60. First crush --- Never mind.


RIGHT NOW

61. Eating --- Ka-bobs and potato salad.

62. Drinking --- Grape-splashed bottled water, which I already explained. Next time you repeat a question we're done. This is a boring interview anyway.

63. I'm about to --- Patrol wings E,F,I and G.

64. Listening to --- Like I said, the fan on the lap top. And... We're done.

65. Waiting for ---


YOUR FUTURE :

66. Want kids? ---

67. Want to get married? ---

68. Careers in mind? ---


WHICH IS BETTER WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX?

69. Lips or eyes ---

70. Hugs or kisses --

71. Shorter or taller ---

72. Older or Younger ---

73. Romantic or spontaneous ---

74. Nice stomach or nice arms ---

75. Sensitive or loud ---

76. Hook-up or relationship ---

77. Trouble maker or hesitant ---


HAVE YOU EVER :

78. Kissed a stranger---

79. Drank hard liquor ---

80. Lost glasses/contacts ---

81. Sex on first date ---

82. Broken someone's heart ---

83. Had your own heart broken---

84. Been arrested ---

85. Turned someone down ---

86. Cried when someone died ---

87. Liked a friend that is a girl? ---


DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

88. Yourself ---

89. Miracles ---

90. Heaven ---

91. Hell ---

92. Santa Claus ---

93. Kiss on the first date? ---

94. Angels ---


ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:

95. Is there one person you want to be with right now? ---

96. Had more than one girlfriend at one time? ---

97. Posting this as 100 Truths? ---


Your turn!



You're all invited to participate!


But Remember!
COVER AND COUGH!

Only YOU can save the human race!

Twenty-Five Random Things About Me

This is a crossposted Facebook tag:


I confess these are not random. they are the only twenty-five I came up with.


1. I sometimes am subtly cynical regarding common misuse of the English language (see above).


2. I realize that language belongs to the people at large and that dictionaries only report what is happening in the general public. Thus the literate elite are always held at ransom to you bastards!


3. I boughts me some socks in China Town. Twelve pairs for ten bucks. They is grey and fuzzy and I loves them.


4. I have twice had to trim a protruding nose-hair. I propose this should mark the coming of age of a man instead of the arbitrary completion of nineteen orbits of the sun. A passing star, black hole or interstellar dust cloud, if near enough, could possibly upset the earth's orbit but nose-hair growth would remain unaffected in such an event, unless of course the resulting barrage of comets pummels the earth and kills every creature with a nose.


5. I have moved to Hamilton Ontario and am looking for a Security Guard job - a cushy one with a desk and a roof over my head - so that while I'm writing eight hours a day I can collect a paycheck for doing nothing. If anyone knows of such a sucker - I mean - security company - do let me know!


6. I’m supposed to be writing eight hours a day. I don’t think this counts.


7. I’m learning to play the guitar. It’s going well and I’m writing songs now. And that counts.


8. I am writing this while sitting next to an animal that is part Terrier, Poodle and Shiatsu. He is fondly referred to as a Terri-Poo-Shit. He looks more like a rat with a perm. Sometimes I like to play with the little ragamuffin. Other times I’d like to hurl him great distances just to see if he comes back or not.


9. I tried to throw a snowball the other day and discovered I am likely no longer a competent baseball player. And possibly a girl. I took a few steps forward and stomped the evidence into slush.


10. I’m down to 282 lbs which is the lightest I’ve been in this millennium.


11. I’m bored of this exercise already.


12. My new housemates play oldies radio precisely eighteen hours a day. I might have to go back in time and kill every musician in the free world. And then perhaps Hitler if there are enough bullets.


13. Since moving to Hamilton I’ve been in the company of nothing but drunk people. If you know anyone in Hamilton who is sometimes sober please ask them to visit me and warn them that I may need a hug. To any Hamilton Facebook friends who may be reading this - please don’t be insulted. And for fuck sakes, have a coffee or something.


14. I like my new room. The ceiling is low and the walls are that artificial wood panelling that I thought could never happen to me. I pretend that it’s a cabin on a ship and that I am the captain but not Captain Stubing and not a pirate either.


15. While sitting around in my cabin pretending to be a ship captain I have been doing some sipping and I have discovered that I’m becoming rather fond of Irish whiskey and brandy too. I thus will now accept the nicknames Mister Whiskey or Mister Whiskers or even “Whiskey McButtersworth Ching Ching Magoo” or anything you can throw at me, really. I’m not afraid. But don’t be overly vulgar or I’ll have you thrown overboard.


16. I’ve spent more money and more time out of the workplace than I anticipated and I may be sticking around paying off debt a little longer than I originally anticipated. Perhaps eighteen months. India is still on the radar for 2010. Unless of course I make the Olympics. Is there an Olympic poetry team?


17. I play “Masters” lacrosse. “Masters” is a nice way of saying “old men”.


18. I have to pee.


19. I have returned from peeing.


20. I do not have a cell phone and not because of the whole brain cancer thing but because I won’t have you bitches interrupting me every time you feel like it. But I admit it will be cool being one of six remaining earthlings when the rest of you are dead. That’s right. Because brain cancer kills. It’s not like hiccups.


21. Well, maybe it is like hiccups. But it’s like a hiccup where your head falls off.


22. I’ve been in Costa Rica, Trinidad, Ybor City, a boarded-up abandoned school, the World Trade Centre, the press box at A.C.C. and possibly your pants, depending on who you are. And if you’re wondering about that time you were really drunk and passed out - yep. You can count on it.


23. I’ve truly had enough of this.


24. I like every food I can think of except cucumbers but I burn cucumber-scented candles just to live dangerously. I don’t tell upcoming dinner hosts about the cucumber problem because nobody makes a dish with cucumbers where you can’t just pull the cucumbers out. They put them in things like salad which no one likes anyway. I pull them out of the salad and hide them between the host’s couch cushions or in their toilet tank or aquarium.


25. I am a new day rising.