Monday, January 25, 2021

Two-minute panda therapy: Pandamondayum

Hey I tried to keep it brief this time! The track is Young Lion by Vampire Weekend. I hope you enjoy...

A Lion's Heart

Urge that Canadian cruelty to pigs end sooner, rather than later.

My ride:  Starfield el Cosmos

Thursday, January 21, 2021

Becoming a Person: January update

Dear Diary:

Recent milestones on the the road to Getting A Life Back:

An ability to often sleep six hours in a row.

Often eating small meals or snacks, sometimes four or even five times in a day.

Welfare funding including fairly full medical coverage.

Tax refunds and rebates coming in which do not affect welfare coverage.

Medical tests and diet counselling proceeding through Bariatric Program.

Thorough bloodwork reveals no worries but vitamin D and B12 deficiencies. By taking supplements I can expect greater energy levels.

Started the process to get a new and proper walker.

Minecraft down to a few hours per week.

Starting to read again, sometimes without falling immediately to sleep.

Very close, I think, to regularly writing again.

Next goals:

Get the walker and then more regular exercise.

Finish room reorg within ten days.

Continue to improve diet.


Catch up on correspondence. Some of my friends have been waiting over a year to hear from me. Writing about myself usually feels exhausting but I have to do it. I know I can. I'm doing it now.



Please petition in support of the vital Canadian Polar Bear Habitat at Cochrane, Ontario and its most important member.

Attended my first Minecraft wedding

Sunday, January 17, 2021

At last! The Vegetable of the Week!

[Editor's warning: The following announcement contains references to American politics so have a full supply of barf bags handy.]

Ladies and Gentlemen: The moment you've all been waiting for! Our very first monumentally-prestigious vegetable-of-the-week prize shall be awarded! Firstly though, sincerest apologies to the cucumber. It may shock one or two of the one or two of you to know that the mighty cucumber was set to receive this incredibly profound honour in this, its inaugural edition, especially given the very rocky relationship the cucumber has had with yours truly over the years but we really just wanted to get it out of the way early and not have further contests spoiled by distracting media speculation and rumor mongering.

But in the light of urgent media events a creature previously-considered (if barely) human-or-equivalent has been reclassified by the Science & Taxonomy Committee here at FWiGland and suddenly now qualifies in the vegetable-or-equivalent division.

Now before I announce the winner, just be advised that "we" in FWiGland have no partisan motivations whatsoever in terms of Yankee politics. We have absolutely no use for Republicans OR democrats. We're not even American; we just know a few handfuls of Americans personally, and some of them we even like! Now on with the presentation:

Ladies and Gentlemen, newly demoted from the Creepy Old White Politician category, winner of the glorious first-ever Vegetable of the Week award, I give you:

the nerdiest wannabe cowboy who wants American streets teeming with concealed guns...

the anti-choice, anti-women's rights, anti-healthcare nutcase who dementedly blurted "Americans don't need health insurance; they just need to lead good lives...!"

that most devoted boot-licker and obedient pool boy to big oil, the NRA and Department of Radical Christian Lunacy Department...

the eleven million American millionaires' most eager tool for coopting the votes of sixty million sludge-brained Yankee doodle rednecks through fear and the most childishly-delirious of obvious lies...

and all around tool...

the most delirious and aggressive poop-spewing representative from that sweet-home-skies-what-are-so-blue, yokel cousin-humping, statistically-most-dearest state to the Klu Klux Klan; Alabama...!

The racist pea-brained pile of gray-haired poop who (only in Alabama...) got elected on a platform which wholly consisted of getting the Trump Wall built any way any how, and opposing every other matter which did not lend itself to, or detracted from the funding of, getting the wall built...

the "most partisan politician in the house" according to the ratings of the Lugar Centre; a peer Republican body; the party which has lost the popular vote in every election that any sane person can remember...

the "least likely politician to ever become an adult" as voted by the Commission for Over-Age Infants (who I invented just now...) 

The imbecile of epic proportions who appears to be taking tweeting posture lessons from young high school girls and who tweeted (I swear I'm not kidding) that "many Capitol assaulters were fascist ANTIFAs, not Trump supporters..." prompting chairman of the Hopeless Search for North American Brains and/or Humanity Committee to appeal that he be nationally declared Most Complete Idiot Ever and receive a life-time ban from ever opening his mouth again, reminding "...any jackass who needs reminding that ANTIFA is not fascist! ANTIFA actually... literally... stands for ANTI-FASICISM you ass hole...!"

the scumbag who tried to mitigate consequences for his direct role in assembling the notorious Capitol Hill mob by suggesting he only wanted congress persons to witness the mob through the windows and be intimidated by them, rather than allow them in for an impromptu garage sale...

The first filthy fact-murderer in congress to oppose the 2020 election certification based on a stack of evidence-free rumors which he first heard by whispering them to himself...

the pathetic sellout who goes to bed crying every night, wishing his testicles hadn't dematerialized...

the most loyal Trump-rump-kisser in the House...

the douchebag who put the "Mo" in "Moron" and who easily defeated Three Stooges' head-hammering eye-gouging Moe Howard for the Most Idiotic Mo in All of History award...

Mo Brooks!

Yes, Mo Fucking Brooks everyone! From Ala-fucking-bama of the Not-Very-United States of America!

Here's your certificate Mo. Get your mom  or another adult to frame it or stick it to your refrigerator. Also, get fucked, you filthy malignant cretin, preferably in prison where you certainly belong, much more certainly, obviously, than the million or so American black men who are incarcerated without ever having seen a trial thanks to systematic misguided police and prosecutor intimidation tactics; the most obvious case of actual (state-arranged) voter fraud in the NVUSA.

Here you go, folks. Puke bags all around.

Apologies once again to the cucumber, although, frankly cucumber, you're another reason for puke bags. Whoa! Zing! Just kidding!

People See Through You

Tell Trudeau to brand the Proud Boys a terrorist group

Gooby's Garden

Sunday, January 03, 2021

A Fool's Gold

When I was a kid a found tennis ball was gold. It meant insurance. It meant we'd be able to play more sacred street hockey once the current ball got lost or fell apart. Yes they fell apart after awhile. Quicker if it was a newish ball when we'd obtained it and were forced to puncture it in order to tame it a little. Too much bounce was not good for a hockey ball.

But as we grew our boundaries grew and we enveloped a couple new kids who were serious tennis players and then we had all the balls we wanted and then we hit high school and grew deeper pockets and bought proper hockey balls.

A song you loved was gold. You'd wait a week before managing to catch the song on the radio when you were ready with a blank cassette tape to record a crackly version, the intro missing or dulled under a DJ's chant. These days kids grab any song they want, I guess, from the internet.

A James Bond movie was gold to a young kid. And once or twice a year City TV would host a James Bond festival. Two or three a night for a whole week! It was paradise. These days kids grab any movie they want, I suppose, from the internet. I don't know what they do for gold.

Once every couple months I would manage to scrape together eight or ten bucks plus bus fare and journey to the mall.  I might get a vinyl single or an album or, right across from the A&A was the hobby store, Leisure World. And there they had the Dungeons & Dragons campaign modules; at least a dozen to choose from at any given time. I would peruse each one at great length, just the front and back covers through the clear plastic wrappers. The art work; the synopses; titles like The Curse of Xanathon or The Sinister Secret of Saltmarsh!

I collected about a dozen of these over the course of my entire childhood and adolescence. As the Dungeon Master I'd study these adventures carefully and then creatively insert them into the ongoing campaign which my friends; the players always enjoyed.

In the last three days I acquired... two hundred and forty more of these modules... and counting. All the classic modules from the eighties are now available on the internet, downloadable for free.

It's raining gold. An embarrassment of riches. I don't know what I will possibly do with them all but knowing they were out there and for free... I couldn't possibly not have them.


Help Helen Naslund, victim of abuse... and the justice system.

Christmas gifts for my Minecraft friends