Friday, April 09, 2021

Hoarderline Personalities

Hoarderline Personality Disorder: This is where your lives are in disorder because there is too much shit in your house. Not like the super-hoarders I've heard about on the glass tit machine but borderline hoarders, with more shit than the average citizen (with average hoarding tendencies) but less than the professional hoarders who's walls you never see.

Even living in a hoarderline situation is a bit dangerous. There's more than a few slippery slopes lurking about the dense landscape. The good news is that I was able to gently confront the roommate about it and it seems we're both on the same page after all, in wanting to do something about it.


Question H: How would people celebrate a HOLIDAY named in your HONOUR?

Well it would have to start on New Day Rising Eve when friends and family gather in large groups to smoke cigars and drink scotch. The children would get coke, candy and Kraft Dinner (sorry, cola I mean) and be sequestered in another space, let's say a finished basement, for a slumber party of their own design and management while the adults challenge themselves to identify the hidden realities of their lives and the major problems inhibiting their happiness.

Off to bed. No alarm clocks. The first one up checks on the children to make sure no one needs rescuing from whatever Lord of the Flies scenario they've devolved into and then starts making gallons of coffee.

French toast, OJ and champagne for breakfast and Irish coffee through the morning. Everyone dresses up as Gandalf except for that one weird cousin who dresses as Gollum.

Board games, cocktails, imported cheeses, pate...

Steak and red wine for dinner. Someone tops up the mac and cheese downstairs and confiscates any sticks sharpened at both ends.

Cigars and cognac in the evening and thoughtful discussion on how to resolve problems and live better lives over the next year.

Too bad I'll be dead before all this comes to fruition.


Thursday, April 08, 2021

Gillooly

GILLOOLY (verb): to gillooly someone is to sabotage or attack a victim in some way which benefits a third party. The term's genesis comes from the name Jeff Gillooly, the former moniker of psychopath, accused rapist, deranged idiot, famed bludgeoneer and shambling mound of inhuman excrement Jeff Stone who changed his name after being released from prison for being the primary psychopath, accused rapist, deranged idiot, famed bludgeoneer and shambling mound of inhuman excrement who conspired to have figure skater Nancy Kerrigan attacked with a police baton in order to cripple her so that she could not interfere with Super-Moron Tonya Harding's figure skating career by being better than her, this after Kerrigan was accused of muttering "I could beat that Harding skank standing on one leg."

It turns out she was correct, winning silver in the following Olympics while Harding finished eighth.

This particular shambling poo mound only served 6 months of his adorable two-year sentence due to the universal opinion of American judges that "...prisons are not a place for monsters. They are a place for poor people who may or may not have committed a crime; who knows; who cares? Not me. They're just black people. Pass the caviar."

Since his release the Great Gillooly-come-Stone has remarried and taken ownership of his idiot bride's children after she committed suicide according to popular opinion (by beating herself repeatedly with a police baton, you ask? -- I don't know. Probably.) Reports indicate that the children are in good hands and will learn the best techniques available for beating and raping women.


Question G: What GIFT have you re-gifted? If none, name a gift you would re-gift, if received.

I surely must have re-gifted something at some point in my life but I honestly can't think of anything. If I received the gift of a police baton I would give it to Jeff Stone I guess. Preferably I'd give it to him right through his piece of shit cranium.


Editor's Note: The rather indulgent preceding diatribe was not well researched. At all. Like he didn't even bother to watch any of the collection of Tonya Harding movies.

F'LOG

F'LOG: a contraction of "food log" where you record every detail of every meal you eat for your team of dietitians and then try to resist flogging yourself for the litany of errors and failures of discipline it memorializes.


Question F: Which FILM could you watch over and over?

I'm compelled to be indulgent. As one who's watched close to three thousand films in my life, including mini-series and shorts, I'll permit myself three categories; 1--theatrical; 2--based on a true story, and 3--documentary.

1: Lord of the Rings: the Fellowship. Seen it at least a dozen times, often with commentary enabled because it's the best story ever. Possibly you disagree that it's the best story ever. That's okay, but if I find out I will see to it that you disappear without a trace.*

2: Moneyball: It amazes myself how often I spontaneously watch this. Seven or eight times. As a storyteller I find it addictive just to observe how well-crafted this piece is, specifically as a "true story." And I know that there are factual cheats at play which make it a more compelling story to absorb specifically in movie form but that is part of the craft which I speak of, Also I adore Brad Pitt and Philip Seymore Hoffman as actors.

3. Blackfish: Four times minimum. Probably five or six. Again I'm just super appreciative of the craft here. I can't imagine how this tale could have been told more effectively. As with Moneyball it's easy to give the film a click just to take another peak at their effective openings but then never get to a dull spot and think of turning it off.

*just kidding.

Wednesday, April 07, 2021

Exosculation

Exosculate: This is a dictionary-sanctioned word. But rather than explain it I shall point you toward the following obnoxious video. There are no rewards for watching the whole thing to the end (other than, it improves as it goes along), but if you're watching this during the Time Of The Great Plague... you possibly have nothing better to do. 


Question E: What is your most EXCELLENT memory? 

This is really tough. All my best memories are too intimate for - well, not for the internet, but for such spaces as this which serve ordinary decent people who respect ordinary decent superstitions around love and physical affection.

As for printable great memories: there are a few heroic sports moments; some vacation adventures; many family celebrations on the farm; a hundred good times with my best friend; cuddling on a park bench with I. S. watching the moon, snuggling with my dobie, Blue on my bed on weekend mornings, my first Rush concert, finishing my first novel... I can't pick one.


The vid was a hatchet job. It'll be messy:



Tuesday, April 06, 2021

Drummerboying

Drummerboying: This is where you give a gift that is probably useless but its the only thing you have to offer. For a while now I've been working on a gift for a special friend who is really under the gun currently and could use a doctor, a maid, an errand boy, a PSW, some cash and some new body parts. Instead she's getting a video.

Pa rum pum pum-pum.


Question D: Your favourite breed of DOG?

Doberman. Because Blue was a doberman. But I have been very enamored with greyhounds lately, So much so that I would say they're a very close second. I think Dobermans are primarily an off-shoot of greyhounds anyway.


Here's a sneak peak of the video's opening sequence:




Saturday, April 03, 2021

Camp NaNo

Camp NaNo: November's National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo) light versions, held every April and June. Writing goals can be personalized, as low as 10,000 words. I am an April Camp NaNo rebel this time around. My goal is simply to write every day. So far this has not extended beyond Blogging A-to-Z in which the vague theme is simply unfamiliar words, some of which I'm making up myself on the spot!


Question C: What did you think was COOL when you were Young, and now: not so much.

James Bond (the movie versions; i.e.: Sean Connery and Roger Moore) And I still kind of love them but I know these characters are ridiculous and can't possibly defend them against criticism. 



Friday, April 02, 2021

Benko

Benko: The Benko Cup is the trophy awarded annually to the playoffs champion of the Strat-o-matic Hockey League of which I was a member for about twelve years. I made it to the finals four times, was statistically the favorite to win every time and didn't finally win until the fourth time.

I miss my Strat-o buddies. I have kept in touch with them, showed up to hang out every now and then on league nights and participated muchly in their off-season board-gaming nights, which have been Covid-curtailed of course.

Benko is the surname of the man who originally introduce the league's founders to the strat-o-matic game back in their university days. I never met him.

Dungeons and Dragons is the "Strat-o-matic" of fantasy role-playing and I have added Benko to my DnD names database. This means that a non-player character might be assigned that name at some point in my campaign-building endeavors. At this time I am not building a campaign per se but I am building and collecting tools for such. I'm looking forward to playing again; possibly online.


Question B: Favourite BOOK ever read

I really want to say Siddhartha because I think it was the deepest most meaningful connection ever made but really, instinctively, it was the genesis of Dungeons and Dragons in my interpretation, both personally, and societally: The Lord of the Rings (J.R.R. Tolkien) which thrills me the most. 




Thursday, April 01, 2021

Agendocide

Agendocide: This is when an entire population of healthy goals and planning and diarizing gets gunned down by a lazy slob - or by someone who is hampered by serious medical and mobility issues but who is never entirely sure if they might actually secretly just be a lazy slob.

This one is celebrating Agendocide Day with a pretty serious bout of productivity:

I brushed my teeth today, spent some time outside, had a coffee, engaged in numerous phone calls in response to urgent affairs in Grampa Munster's corner (more on that later), spoke to a Health Network to clear up some medical needs and schedule an occupational therapist assessment, worked on an important video (more on that later) and did a little planning with a great pal with regards to April Camp Nano and April A-to-Z blogging.

And yeah: welcome to A-to-Z blogging! I'm gonna be busy plopping posts on this page six days a week. Sorry about your luck.


Question A: What non-traditional ANIMAL might you like as a pet?

Hmmm... honestly, a Bengal tiger because I could make him a mascot of the lacrosse team. I think he'd help draw a pretty good crowd. And hopefully not eat them.


Saturday, March 20, 2021

Coming Soon...

 



Friday, February 12, 2021

Court rooms and crapshoots

I recently survived a long bout of crime/courtroom real-life Netflix drama. Oh boy. What a grueling bout of prosecutor and cop corruption and flagrant miscarriage. And this is with my BS filter on high alert with a close eye on the method, apparent intent and biases of the filmmakers.

What is soon apparent is the horrible realization that not only is justice a deeply slippery intangible ambition but the formula we've concocted to find it is like a four-lane bridge with a three-and-a-half lane gaping hole in it.

There is an assumption that the court system is designed to discover the truth, but if such a blueprint was ever devised we can't possibly be following it.

Cops are definitely not responsible for truth, and no offence intended. That is not at all their job. They perform their job tactically in accordance to situations. Cops reasonably assume that the truth is the objective of prosecutors and court rooms, after they've jailed a suspect. 

Prosecutors have very little incentive toward truth. They are judged, rewarded or reprimanded by their ability to settle cases by one means or another. And for those cases which make it to court it is not their job to find the truth but to win. One way or another. And by the way the temptation to cheat and the opportunity to cheat, are both immense. And to sweep those realities under the rug we sanctify their positions and pretend that they are above reproach, for no precise reason at all.

And where they might be inclined to turn on their too-cozy relationship with law officers in any pursuit of truth they face the frightening monster that is cop solidarity. Find me a cop anywhere - anywhere! ...who is more loyal to the people they purport to serve or to truth or to justice than they are to each other.

And this phenomenon is too universal to blame on individual cops. It's there because of the paradigms they are bred in. Their jobs are dangerous and bloody difficult in ways that don't resemble other jobs. They will naturally lean hard on one another for support and survival.

Witnesses are examined without proper regard for the realities and flaws of human memory and they are put under such scrutiny and threat that they are almost certainly scared into regarding their own safety above the pursuit of truth, not to mention the biases they come pre-equipped with.

When we're talking about the most perilous cases, they are jury-decided and there things really pour down the rabbit hole. Judges have very limited opportunity to guide juries or to guide lawyers. They are auditors of process. The one player who might actually be equipped to finding truth as well as devoted to it, at least at a conscious level, the judge, is removed from the ultimate decision.

As with every (or nearly every) institution or organization, the fatal flaw in the courtroom design is that their rules, process and philosophies rely on illusion, They fail to recognize basic human nature. Human beings will behave in ways that best appear loyal to law, rule, and loyalty to the organization but secretly bent toward the selfish wishes of their egos; secrets often not even privy to the individual's consciousness; the main reason all organizations are to some significant degree corrupted.

Part of the problem with ego in this environment is that egos fool most of the people in a room into thinking that they alone are the smartest person in the room. And everyone involved in a court case; lawyer, witness, judge, jury assumes much too early that they know the truth about unproven elements, and they will espouse those presumptions and resist new evidence to the contrary.

And once juries are left to their own devices, they are almost always immediately split, and not with logic then paving the way to consensus but with subservience to the more persuasive personalities among them.

I never met the lawyer, poet and writer, Ed Wildman. He sadly departed before his friends became my friends. But he was known to say that there was more justice on the streets than in courtrooms: "In the street men generally get what's coming to them. In the courtroom it's a crapshoot."

Of course there are forces in the courtroom that are anything but random. Such as who has the most resources. Whether corporations or individuals, rich defendants have a great track record in courtrooms, and lets face it, in this society there are very few truly lawful ways to get rich.

How to stop the rich from buying legal victory by out-spending the poor? Here's a suggestion:

A court case combatant (plaintiff/prosecutor/defendant) can hire/employ pre-trial counsel and/or investigators as desired but trial lawyers are assigned by the courts. Trial lawyers would be financially incentivized by receiving ratings based on their performance and seniority, paid accordingly, and assigned to cases relative to a simple case-rating system. Cases with the most at stake (dollar amounts/maximum sentences) receive the highest-rated lawyers - on both sides.

Junior lawyers start out serving as assistants to mentoring high-rated lawyers on high-rated cases thus employing defense teams.

Successful claimants and defendants declared innocent pay nothing for their trial lawyer(s) whose performance-based incomes are generated by a tax on the damages and fines paid by the guilty.

With lawyers not being paid directly by their clients it enables this important game-changer:

A lawyer's objective is then not primarily to win, and their score-carding system will reflect it: A lawyer's job is then to seek the truth, each beginning from the perspective of their "client." But their loyalty, as with the judge, is first to justice, truth, and the people.

Another thing: Cop solidarity must be bred out of the system. It is one of the most problematic corruptions in our society. At the least, shouldn't individual police positions be rotated regularly so that familiarization does not take hold? Perhaps a cop's partners should always be newish. I'm sure there are many other ways to support them and fight the problem if we think about it.

With juries I am deeply suspicious of this consensus rule. Where juries are split for a long long time can we not drag some common sense into the equation? Can we not infer that no obvious truth has been made apparent? Can we not then look at liability and guard against the worst possible scenario perhaps?

Look at the case where the defendant spent more than a decade in jail for murder before being discovered innocent thanks to the maturation of DNA evidence technology. Almost miraculously, a bitter cop community soon tried to pin another murder on him where court proceedings pointed at a host of holes in their case. Despite this, eleven gullible members of the jury put him behind bars again following the drawn out bullying of the lone member initially leaning towards the guilty decision.

In that case here was the worst possible scenario consideration. If he was truly guilty but declared innocent, he'd be freed but after spending two decades in prison and detention; thus he already served a 20-year sentence for one murder anyway! Almost zero jeopardy!

Instead they probably re-jailed an innocent man who then spends almost his entire adult life in jail for no reasons. Probably the most tragic jeopardy imaginable. And this is what they took a chance on. To this day people and organizations devote their lives to trying to free this man. What a human catastrophe. They chose to risk the worst possible scenario.

Even when juries are removed from the system I know there are problems. I 've been personally involved in three court cases without juries and every one was a complete debacle.

1. The defendant presented his case to the duty counsel who walked into court, entirely forgot every promise to the client and basically tied a ribbon around him and made a gift of him to the prosecutor and the judge, who seemed thick as thieves. The latter ridiculed the defendant, forgetting he was a judge and not the world's lamest shock comedian. 

2. The court failed to allow a mentally challenged man to get the assistance he required in order to assemble a competent counsel and was easily bullied into complete submission by his opponent.

3. The defendant's documents which proved him innocent or at least 99% so, were of no interest to the busy prosecutor who warned he should accept a deal on a lesser charge and pay $200 instead of risking a $1500 fine plus further tribulations if he risked going before the judge. He could have read the documents and came to the obvious conclusion to drop the case. The defendant, not imagining how he could possibly come up with $1500 complied and went home $200 poorer and his dignity pulverized, this after the deal was finalized by the judge goading the baffled defendant into lying in court in order to justify the details of the artificial arrangement. It all came down to governmental financial management with no regard for truth.

Oh by the way, the great lion's share of USA's two million inmates are poor black men who balked as per above principal and are jailed without trial but through intimidation and the threat of much longer sentences if they don't accept the plea bargain. Logic dictates that the number of incarcerated innocent in the USA is overwhelming. 

I'm glad I almost knew you Ed. Crapshoots indeed. Let us all remember that and guide our affairs accordingly.


Lawyers in Love

Oppose the growing entitlement and presumption of corporations for government hand-outs in favour of equality and support for the poor. 


Monday, February 08, 2021

Vegetable of the Week

As promised, we're caving in to pressure and bestowing the belligerent cucumber with coveted Vegetable of the Week honours, despite vocal outrage from the cat community.

Thanks goes to Aqualad and Macka B for their persistent lobbying on Cu-Cumba's behalf. The latter produced the following video propaganda. Rumours that the original lyrics contained the lines "great hydrater... not a vibrator" could not be confirmed.

Here's your certificate, cucumber. Now get lost.


Sincere apologies to the feline community. Please view the following brief educational video we have put together for your enlightenment:



Thursday, February 04, 2021

The battlefield

Here's some video I stitched together, inspired by recent events. You might be prone to seeing it as anti-American criticism but I'd prefer you saw it as satire.

Don't let Pfizer extort taxpayers while already making astronomical profits off Covid; say no to new tax exemptions.

Starfield's stable