The Art of Being Human

Once upon a time I went to school

and did what I was told

and I learned a lot

I learned about teachers

I learned about students

I learned about schools

And I heard about a whole lot of other things

Some even seemed interesting

Some might even have been true

Outside we played sports

Inside we played boring games with numbers

Year after year I remained a prisoner

played sports

played boring games with numbers

learned about teachers and

students and schools

and did what I was told

and accepted the friendship

of all those who decided to be my friend

Going along with everything as it came to me

With all my childhood curiosity driven out

of me by my wardens

I waited waited waited

for adulthood to come along and take me away

But then Disaster Number One

or rather the Great Disaster as it was then known

We didn't know there'd be a number two

I fell

in love

And the whole world became cruel

and none of it made sense any more

I said enough is enough

I'm getting the hell

outa here

I seized adulthood

and was dragged away with it

As an adult drag-along

I did what I was told

I took the friends and lovers and jobs and promotions

which were offered me

I played the sports

But no more boring god damned games with numbers

I made a commitment

I bought a house

I found I was respected, sometimes even admired

For my ability

to go though the motions

And then Disaster Number Two

Or so I thought

I was doubly rejected.

Paid handsomely to go away

So I did the very best thing

any 31 year old could ever do

I started life all over again

Thanks to being forced into it

A bread and butter friend said to me, But Rich, 

You need to have faith in something!

So I wrote my first poem called

But I have faith

A poem about my family, friends, myself

and the expectation that the sun

will rise again tomorrow; the promise

of a new day

Thus I had discovered the blank page

and so I wrote some more

and better still, I stared at the blank page

and curiosity was born in me again

I wrote and I stared and I asked questions

and courage was born in me for the first time

I asked the biggest questions

I asked the most dangerous questions

And the horror, the horror

I discovered the possibilities

were dire, and that I

knew nothing

Except:

That thanks to some thousand or more hours

of boring games with numbers

I did know how to leave a tip

without asking my phone

So there's that

Life became an experiment

I researched, I explored, I adventured, I said YES!

I reflected, I contemplated, I searched the blank page

And truth began, ever so slowly to accrete

Distilled in my laboratory of the mind

My lab tools were the page

and the guitar and keyboard

creative models worked just like

scientific models; they isolated reality

My discoveries were solid:

The omnipotence of causality

the matrix of illusions

human duality

Illusions were dispersing

and with them superstitions

and with them fears

In came perspective, freedom

pathways to enlightenment

and the natural inevitable joy

of being human, no longer shielded from me

by the unnatural machinations of society

I seemed strange to my bread and butter friends

They warned me of liabilities, blind as they were

to opportunity

But I was choosing new friends. I spied the finest people

and I made myself the friend

I was confident and grabbing life, not waiting for it to happen

And I discovered the purpose in life: it is to design your own purpose

My own was easy and obvious: To champion harmony, over chaos

My friend Dr Lock summed up his own spiritual life in two sentences:

I was created

I create

A woman of mixed ethnicity who wore it on her face was asked

What are you?

She said I am a New Day Rising

I knew at once: Me too! That's exactly what we ALL are; we humans

We're the Cosmos' greatest potential! Most of us seem not to know it

But she knows it, and I know it, and I say: 

New Day Rising; that is my name now!

Now,

as I physically decline, perhaps only temporarily

I cannot do so much so fast

But I am well prepared to bear the siege

Some days I remember my lessons

Some days I remember my purpose

Some days I remember that I am a new day rising

I am learning how to accept help from others:

other champions of harmony

But to quote the eloquent composers Cummerford,

de la Rocha, Morello and Wilk:

Fuck you I won't do what you tell me.

Response from Tubi

Hi New,
 
We're always looking for ways to improve our product and offer the best possible user experience. While we can't guarantee that we'll be able to implement this particular feature, we'll certainly take your request into consideration as we continue to evaluate and update Tubi.
 
In the meantime, if you have any further questions or comments, please don't hesitate to reach out to us.
 
Best regards,

Alex

Tubi Support 

I have a feeling Alex looks something like this:

Request ticket submitted to Tubi

Submitted this ticket today. I'll be sure to post their reply, if they bother. 

Please create the functionality to disable the auto-play feature so that we have the option to not be treated like complete and utter morons.

Or better yet, get rid of the auto-play feature. It is no less idiotic than an airline which auto-departs you on the next available plane to an algorithmically-appointed destination if you fail to flee from the fucking terminal within three seconds of your arrival. It's a bloody disgrace. Have some respect for humanity, you snivelling ghouls. 

Other than that I love the site and the service. Top notch quality and reliability and stunning selection! Keep up the amazing work! Thank you!

Two new friends this morning!

Seems Saturday mornings might be the target now for the Friend Recruitment Program...

The first was Karma; an old gal, out for a stroll with master Bill. She took the biscuit upon first offer but with a very serious expression, then ingested it efficiently. I was rather bold in placing the back of my hand up to her nose and she didn't move but gave me just a hint of growl. Bill disapproved at once.

"Oh that's okay," I said, speaking to Karma. "You just want me to know you're on duty. I get it. You can't be bribed. I get it." Bill and I introduced ourselves and talked about the neighborhood and finally Karma inched over and sniffed the rocket pocket where I'd returned the Milk Bone box.

"No no. Nice try," said Bill, drawing her away. But not before I snuck a hand in and scratched her behind the ears which was fine with her. She'd obviously pulled a few strings and expedited the probation period.

Raven is a standard poodle puppy with dark fur, out with her two young lady friends. I think they're an all-girl family. Raven was not at all shy upon receiving my offer and being led across the street to me. She seemed to consider leaping onto my lap as I brandished the cookie. Friends immediately! She was too excited to eat it at once, or to deliver it home without dropping it accidentally onto the street. Mama scooped it up. "We'll give it back to you when we get home!"

Success! Suddenly my dog roster has caught and surpassed the cat roster.

Wait, did I say rocket pocket? I think I meant walker pocket.

Actually I think we'll stick with rocket, come to think about it. Rockets and walkers are virtually the same thing, right? Just vehicles for extending a person's... reach.

Not to be confused with the Pocket Rocket:

Henri Richard; little bro of Maurice "Rocket" Richard

Boring update. Do not read!

Well aren't you the curious one!

Okay. What's new:

1. I'm at the pub where I go on the first Friday of each month in order to write, work on the Dungeons & Dragons hosting business and snort a couple 18 ounce glasses of Friday-Special domestic draft beer for only four dollars a glass! Other than this I'm pretty much in bed every day.

2. I'm still getting my wound dressing changed by a visiting nurse every day. I've had this thing about seven months now and they keep telling me it's getting better and better. So yeah. This item is not actually new at all.

What's new/current (to be more precise):

3. Getting PSW assistance three times a week for hygiene purposes.

4. Getting outside every morning for a wee walk and some rehab exercises, kitty-cat feeding and work on the crossword puzzle creation. I kick out four or five new (newspaper quality) puzzles per week just from my brief daily sidewalk sojourns. I really should publish a collection soon.

5. Some of the crosswords are being diverted to another publishing project. A sort of daily almanac I'm throwing together largely because it's a no-brainer; the content is all stuff that I naturally assemble on a daily basis because of my own keen interests as a researcher and archivist. Here's the material: daily holiday/special observances notes; This day in history; tip, quote, word and song of the day; poem, film and vegetable (not exactly what you're imagining probably!) of the week; daily, weekly and monthly challenges; a daily puzzle (usually crosswords) and a weekly monologue. I may end up cutting a thing or two. We'll see. It's largely all tied together thematically. The thrust of it all is... here's a bunch of nudges as to how you can live life a little better perhaps! I will be releasing a 2024 first-quarter volume (Jan-March) this December! It's too much material to stuff a whole year into one book.

6. I've been writing short stories of late and between that and the "almanac" or maybe "lolmanac" I realized yesterday, on the second day of National Novel Writing Month that I might as well participate. It just won't be a novel.

Well... I think that's enough for now. I'm on my fourth four-dollar swill (more than I intended) and being so out of practice, drinking-wise, I'm feeling a little buzzy!

Later, 'gators.

Wow! Real life slum lords!

Here's the shit hole I currently call home. Now that all four rooms are rented (plus the other three or four in the front-of house unit and the money is pouring into the management company's pockets there's no need to impress anyone by... you know... maintaining the place.

The screens are detached from most of the windows. I have vines breaking through my own tiny window threatening some sort of Little Shop of Horrors scenario. Cupboard doors are falling off their hinges. Most doors are falling apart. The bathroom door can't be shut or you'll be trapped inside. There is also no working light fixture in the bathroom. The main entrance door is such a wreck it can no longer be opened.

We have mice and even RATS among our thrilling Pest Menagerie. The exterior is surrounded by garbage and debris. The Google shot above must have been taken quite a while ago. This management company consists of three family members. Here's a shot of their office:

Here's a shot of their personal home. I'm wagering they have lights in their bathrooms:

And here is why we cannot reach ANY of them:

They're all on extended vacation in luxurious Fiji.

My new friends

Ginger Ferrero comes to see me every day. And eagerly. Sometimes she saunters away again and later comes running over as if we're seeing each other anew, but I don't fall for that. Treats once per day and that's it. But that first day she was cautious. She came near and sniffed the air, and soon after returned and nibbled the fishy little kibbles I'd dropped on the ground for her. Since then, she comes and pokes them from my hand each day with her little nose.

Skittles Macbeth was the same way two days ago. Gave me a look and then later approached and accepted the offering for the first time.

Yesterday Patches came around for the first time (short for Patchwork Bananas el Fresco). She meowed at me twice, from twelve feet away. Maybe today she'll come dine. I'm about to make my morning coffee finally and head outside with my walker and supply of pet treats to do my exercises and tend to my folk.

None of us have been properly introduced. I'm only guessing at their names but I'm probably right.

The most beautiful floor you ever done saw

Last night I dreamt that I complimented a friend on his ring; a dream friend; not a real one, and he said, "Here. Have it!" so I accepted and then later I found out it was worth a lot of money so I sold it and used the money to buy a beautiful new floor. I think it was prismarine.

Later I guess I moved out and somehow the room with the beautiful prismarine floor became a public washroom and my dream friend found out that the ring he gave me was super valuable and wanted it back so I became like - Ocean's Eleven and was putting together a crew for a public bathroom floor heist so I could sell it and use the money to buy back the ring.

So what does that dream mean? Does it mean I'm hungry for blue-flavoured cotton candy?

Artist interpretation:

I've got a little Hitler inside of me

Whoa, now hang on! He's not a racist Hitler, and he doesn't want to kill any people; just cows and pigs. Which is pretty unkind, I realize.

But he is insane and ruthless and an uncompromising tyrant. And he's irresistible. He's feared and obeyed by his subordinates. He's the agent in my brain in charge of hunger. Thank god he is not always in command. But he's the most powerful commander in my brain and will grab power at the slightest opportunity. When I'm hungry obviously. When I'm bored which is luckily practically never, and when I'm not full or necessarily hungry but around food.

He is utterly canine in his instincts. This is what my dieticians need to understand and what I have failed to fully realize in myself and failed to communicate. Trying to teach me dietary discipline is like trying to teach it to your dog. Even if Fido could understand you his instincts will not allow him to cooperate. I am no different.

Correction: I have realized my Food Hitler's presence for a long time. What I have failed to fully realize until now is just how undefeatable he is. I know now there is only one solution for me. To keep him out of the drivers seat. I need utter convenience. I need an absence of abusable food. I need a computer with controls placed on it to withhold Doordash and Skip the Humanity sites from me.

I need a strict protein/meal replacement diet for a long long time. With fibre supplements and probably some kind of simple fat source to go along with it. And a regular alarm that goes off five times a day or whatever, telling me to have a shake - or a shake and a yogurt or whatever. Simple eat-ready products that can go in my bar fridge in my room. No more kitchen. Guaranteed nothing else will work. Atkins, Weight Watchers, The Zone, the Four Hour Body and the Bariatric program have all failed for me. My only success has been with a temporary protein shake diet designed by my personal dietician and myself a couple years ago. And that is also the only diet that I could reliably jump right back on to after a cheat day,

And cheat days WILL happen. Christmas, thanksgiving etcetera. And that's okay.

The goal now is to get a dietician on board who will support me long term with this. They will know it is not ideal. But no ideal diets will ever work for me. We can't afford to fool ourselves any longer.

If I have to, I'll do it alone. But the better the dietician, the better my access to superior prescription meal replacement shakes. If I'm on my own then I have to deal with over the counter products and all of their deficiencies. 

I'll do what I have to do.

Finally. No more fucking around.

Okay, a secret:

Here in Scooterville - okay - TWO secrets. ONE: Scooterville is actually called Hamilton. The word Hamilton, as far as I know, is an Iroquois term meaning He who rides through burger drive thru on a scooter with case of beer on his lap [citation needed].

Hamilton has many sports teams calling it home. Famously, the Hamilton Tigercats of the Canadian Punting League (since 1950), Forge FC of Canadian Premier League Soccer (otherwise known as football by humanity) and the Toronto Rock of NLL lacrosse who is officially Toronto's team but they're currently playing out of a Hamilton venue for shits and googles.

Other Hamilton hockeyball highlights include the Steelhawks, Generals and Real McCoys of Ontario Sr. hockey, and the Blues, Rangers and Kilty Bees of Junior hockey (Kilty Bees literally referring to bumble bees wearing kilts. I shit you not). Add baseball's Cardinals; Soccer's Hamilton United, Hamilton City SC and Chantilly Forever FC; Rugby's Camels R.F.C. and Hornets R.F.C and Australian footballers' Wildcats.

But wait. Secret number two today is Hamilton's best-kept sports secret: The Hamilton Bengals. If you want to see some of the most talented athletes in the world while they are young, just before turning pro, for 5 to 10 bucks admission, the Bengals are the obvious choice. Every year multiple Bengals players graduate from Hamilton to affiliate Jr. A team Burlington Blaze before getting drafted to the pros. We are a hotbed of lacrosse development in this country. Hamiltonians are missing out on such a treat it's crazy.

Dear dead blog

Now that we've finally gotten rid of those pesky readers, we can talk about anything we want and it will stay a secret!

I can't think of any secrets just now but stay tuned. I'll come up with something.

This blog is officially dead

 In other words: if you're reading this, you don't exist!