Thursday, February 22, 2007

Sylvie Ruel Update

Well they did it again. Those little freaks at Reliance Home Comfort - they're crazy as shit-house rats I tell you. And as promised, I'm sending their latest offering back with a 'Final Notice' message scrawled on it. Although I'm having second thoughts about giving up just yet. If this doesn't work I may in fact try a couple more strategies.

I'll save Mark Cohen's solution for last - that of writing 'deceased' on the envelope. First - I think I'll try this if necessary:

Return to sender. Anthrax powder enclosed.

I'm thinking that might get someone's attention. I wonder if I might get into some hot water, though? That's not considered a post 9-11 faux-pas is it? I don't really want to get security certified by CCIS and disappear for three years over this. A brief prison stint might be a lark though. As long as they feed me and let me write all day. Think of the fun new experiences I could blog about. Shower-rape for instance. Laundry duty, mushy dinners of mysterious origin, digging tunnels behind Rita Hayworth posters, shower-rape. Oops. Did I say that one already?

There's still the hope of actually finding Sylvie Ruel. I'm sure she could put an end to all this with a simple phone call. While attempts so far to locate her via internet have failed I did notice that googling "Sylvie Ruel" brings up this blog as the number-one link! So if she has a single narcissistic bone in her body and happens to google herself (hee-hee! I love that phrase!) - she may just find her way here.

If you're reading this, Sylvie - please. Make the call.



Babs Gladhand said...

I'm starting to think that maybe those Reliance people aren't so smart.

Fantasy Writer Guy said...

I'm starting to think the posties aren't sending them back to the Reliance people. I'm wondering if I should actually put one in a larger envelope and properly mail it back to them. Of course I'd have to spring for a stamp. And who's attention would I direct it to?

Collections Dept?
Manager of Address Changes?

How about... Vice President Things Not At All Frivolous?

Oh the dilemma.

Kathleen said...

I'm thinking the whole anthrax message might not be a very good idea. Probably a whole lot like "joking" about bombs at the airport. And can you imagine ending up at Kingston penitentiary? They're always in the news for something bad.

Fantasy Writer Guy said...

Yikes. I didn't know about the Kingston Pen. I thought they were pretty much just chillin' up there.