Saturday, April 21, 2012

Q is for Queen o' the dairy

And by Queen of the dairy I mean Dairy Queen. And by Dairy Queen I mean ice cream. And by ice cream I mean, of course, junk food in general.

So I mentioned in my last post that I am poised to lose a wack-and-a-half of pounds in the next 18 months or so. Here's how it will be done, and I am most certainly not joking. This is the diet that will do it. We'll start at Day 7:

Day 7

pancakes with butter and maple syrup
coffee, grapefruit Juice

Second Breakfast
2L chocolate milk

butter tarts
decaf coffee

bacon cheeseburger and fries
diet coke

Dairy Queen blizzard with cookie dough and Reeces peanut butter cups

all-you-can-eat Montanas ribs
beans, mashed potatos, corn bread
red wine

anything and everything that gets in my way that once had a pulse.
red wine

Sounds pretty damn good so far, doesn't it?

Days 1 through 6

Bacon, eggs, black beans, onions, shrooms and hot sauce
coffee with cream

tuna fish with mayo and no bread - or chilli or whatnot
diet coke

steak, chicken, fish or pork chops
cauliflower/white bean mash
asparagus or broccoli
1 lg glass red wine

Bed Time
wet dreams about day 7.

If the diet must have a label, it is, I suppose, the slow-carb diet. It is from the book The 4-Hour Body by Timothy Ferriss. The author and the science each strike me as particularly trustworthy for various reasons.

The science is much more precise than with other diets. Not all calories are the same and not all carbs are the same. Ferriss derived the truth through personal experimentation. He has a human guinea-pig fetish and rarely does anything without a lot of wires and gadgets attached to himself.

People I know who have tried this diet are doing very well; down by 50-to-70 pounds net in less than a year. They are healthy and happy and not going hungry while burning fat and adding muscle.

Day 7 of the 7-day cycle is knock-yourself-out day because like most diets, it neccessitates a regular spike in order to keep your body from fighting fat loss by slowing down metabolic rate - or something like that. I don't really care; just pass the ice cream.


Elizabeth Twist said...

Really interesting stuff. I had a look at day seven too - wow. If anything is going to kick your metabolism into high gear, or at least send you into carbalicious nirvana, that would.

Uh, dumb question: is the diet coke a part of the recommended diet? Or just a "safe" drink? I understood that nutrasweet / aspartame in some studies was shown to spike insulin just like sugar does.

Elizabeth Twist said...

By "I had a look at day seven" I mean "I read the first part of this post." Holy heck. DO NOT COMMENT ON BLOGS WHEN YOU HAVE JUST WOKEN UP FROM A NAP. It is unseemly.

Fantasy Writer Guy said...

Twister: Diet Coke is not recommended in the diet but not strictly forbidden. At a limit of 12oz per day it is not expected to impact fat-loss.

Fantasy Writer Guy said...

My Day 7 post is my own poetic interpretation of course!